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Ultimate Redneck

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by nhuman, Nov 20, 2009.

  1. saw something this morning that I thought might make a good off topic.

    Coming home from taking the kids to school, had to take a detour through a neigborhood to avoid a road closier, and saw....

    A semi truck on blocks in the front yard of a house! I thought how much more redneck can you get.

    So share your ultimate redneck !
     
  2. willseeker

    willseeker N. Portland. Well-Known Member

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    You might be a redneck, if your porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.:bluelaugh:

    Were there cutains in the cab?
     
  3. deadeye

    deadeye Albany,OR. Moderator Staff Member

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    If all the rigs in your yard are on blocks and your house is on wheels..you might be a Redneck.
     
  4. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    If you mow your yard and find a car, you might be a redneck.
     
  5. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    If your idea of a balanced meal is an RC Cola, a bag of pork rinds, and a moonpie.........you might be a redneck.
     
  6. RobertJ.

    RobertJ. Seaside, OR Member

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    I went over to a friend's house, and he had bandaged his injured dog with duct tape. I told him, "You know, you just might be..."!
     
  7. Yes and it was a sleeper cab so maybe it would make a good mother in-law apartment!
     
  8. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    Is his name Red Green! :laugh:
     
  9. RobertJ.

    RobertJ. Seaside, OR Member

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    No, but I think they're related!
     
  10. slingshot1943

    slingshot1943 salem or Well-Known Member

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    I've got redneck standards. I'm going to live where I can shoot off the porch and xxxx in the yard. Never in the city.
     
  11. Arkitek

    Arkitek Historic Downtown Roseburg Oregon Member

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    I teach a few Engineering courses down here in Roseburg at the community college, where we have one or two actual rednecks...Most of 'em will pass this Final Exam! :thumbup:

    1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

    2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

    a. '66 Ford Fairlane
    b. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
    c. '64 Pontiac GTO

    3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

    4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

    5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

    6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

    7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

    8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

    9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

    10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?


    Sorry, I just could'nt resist :D
     
  12. That test is classic!
     
  13. ZeroRing

    ZeroRing 26th District, WA Active Member

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    Oh man... my sides hurt!! :rofl1: :winner:
     
  14. deadeye

    deadeye Albany,OR. Moderator Staff Member

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    please let me know my grade.
     
  15. Arkitek

    Arkitek Historic Downtown Roseburg Oregon Member

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    Good Answers :bluelaugh: Deadeye... A+...ya must be one of those Valleyvictoryanne students...Congraduations! :thumbup:
     
  16. Randini

    Randini Salem Member

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    If your car has a used coffee can as a hood scoop, you might be a redneck.

    I really saw this !!
     
  17. Randini

    Randini Salem Member

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    If your eyeglasses are taped together and the two sides do not match
    you might be a redneck.
     
  18. Randini

    Randini Salem Member

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    If your wife plans a dinner party and makes you drink your beer out of a mason jar
    you might be a redneck.


    I remember this bar in Colorado where they drank their beer this way.
     
  19. isher

    isher Clallam County Member

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    When your transfer switch from your genny

    To your main panel is a 25' chunk of 8/3 cable

    With two male ends..........

    Moi? No never monsieur.

    Back in the old days in the Rogue Valley

    There were the Rednecks

    The Hippie Rednecks

    And the Redneck Hippies.

    I belong to the latter persuasion.

    And you sure ain't gonna change me now.


    isher
     
  20. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    If your buddy asks you what you use to crimp 12 ga or 20 ga reloads and your answer is "how big is the cigarette lighter in the truck?", you just might be a redneck.

    Don't laugh. I know a guy who did this. :eek: