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'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Spray-n-pray, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. Spray-n-pray

    Spray-n-pray Battle Ground Moderator Staff Member Bronze Supporter

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    I saw this on another forum and thought some here might like it.

    Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding,
    as I sat at the workbench, quite busy reloading.

    The empties from autumn were polished so clear
    for primers and powder, and bullets from Speer

    and Sierra boat-tails, and Nosler's Partitions
    (My bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!)

    All sat in their boxes, right next to the press
    with dies from Midway, and RCBS

    When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
    I grabbed for my Mossberg, and whipped out my Colt.

    As I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf
    I scrambled for cover, just to protect myself.

    From up on the rooftop, came hoof beats and snorting
    Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's cavorting!

    I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto,
    with 230-hardball, I'd knock'em all blotto.

    Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer and Reno?
    Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of vino?

    My question was answered with a knock, and some sneezing,
    "It's Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm freezing!"

    I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door open wide,
    to find St. Nick a'shivering, Rudolph by his side.

    He eyeballed my Thompson, with a nod of approval
    "You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."

    "But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you
    Or persecute, prosecute, or even disarm you."

    "Instead," said dear Santa, "I need to borrow
    your .357, 'till day after tomorrow."

    "It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration.
    "I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association."

    He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
    "I've had this since me and the missus were dating!"

    "And you see, ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous
    since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to serve us."

    "So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents a'stackin'
    I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'."

    "And my gift for you this year, should give you a hoot."
    "I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the boot!"

    "Now, Rudy and I must be on our way."
    He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his sleigh.

    With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his pocket
    He jingled the sleigh bells and was off like a rocket.

    With a pair of speed loaders, and ammo to spare
    I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear.

    As he faded from view, I could still hear him calling:
    "From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling,
    to bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta:
    I'm ready and I carry, so don't be messin' with Santa!"
  2. yotehunter

    yotehunter north west Active Member

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    That is great thanks
  3. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    Love it! :thumbup:
  4. Artilleryman

    Artilleryman Originally from the central midwest but have reloc Active Member

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    SUBJECT: Official Visit from Lieutenant General Santa (NMN) Claus

    1) An official visit by LTG Santa Claus is expected in this area on 24 December 2009. The following directives will govern activities of personnel during subject visit:

    a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include assigned and attached native mice. Special stirring permits (DA Form 2276) for necessary action will be obtained from the Unit Administrator prior to COB 23 Dec 09.

    b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2201 hours 24 Dec 09. Uniform for this nap is as follows: Pajamas (Cotton, light, drowsing), with kerchief and or cap. Equipment will drawn from Supply Sergeant prior to 1900 hours, 24 Dec 09.

    c. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugarplums for visions to dance in their heads. These will be drawn the Food Service Sergeant, utilizing DA Form 3032, Signature Headcount Form.

    d. Stockings (wool, cushion sole, OG 106) will be hung by chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused carelessly hung stockings. Safety Officer will submit Stocking Hanging Plans) DA Form 2277) prior to 0800, 22 Dec 09.

    e. At first sign of clatter from lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate the matter. Immediate action will be taken to avoid the toppling of bunks while running to tear open the shutters and throw up the sash. HQ STARC OPLAN "Saint Nick" (Annex C, Para 6c, this HQ's, dtd 10 Dec 06) will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Section Chiefs will familiarize all personnel with proper procedures, and are responsible to insure no shutters are torn or sashes are thrown prior to start of official visit.

    f. Prior to 2330 hours on date of visit, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye: stations. After shutters are torn and sashes are thrown, these stations will be manned.

    g. The Battalion S-4 will designate one each Sleigh, Miniature M-113, and 8 each Reindeer, Tiny, for use by General Claus. Driver assigned must have current rooftop license, and be able to shout clearly the following: "ON DASHER, ON DANCER, ON PRANCER AND VIXEN, ON COMET, ON CUPID, ON DONNER AND BLITZEN".

    2) General Claus will enter unit area through chimneys. All sections without chimneys will draw one each Simulator, Chimney, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimneys will be drawn utilizing DA Form 3161, and these forms will be submitted to Supply in triplicate prior to 20 Dec 09.
    3) Troops will be rehearsed in the shouting of "HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!" This shout will be given upon the termination of the official visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the unit First Sergeant

    4) The point of contact for this matter is 1SG Harry Mittlieder, 2-146th FA, or Corporal Clement C. Moore, or SSG John Deschner, Recruiting and Retention NCO.