True Story Humor. ( Your own or one you know of personally )

[DuneHopper]

True Story Humor. ( Your own or one you know of personally ).

I was sharing a thread today and the thought came up of how I love to sit around the fire and share stories, and thought would be fun to have a thread to share your fun stories.
Please no Political ones of any kind, even if NWFA allows it. I would like this one 100% politics free. Would appreciate it.

So a couple years ago, I was selling a chain saw. I had two so decided to sell one I had a year maybe used once or twice. So I posted it online for sale. A guy called me, and I gave the run down on the options it had make and model. The guy kinda blew me off my details and wanted to come get it.
He came over took a look at it. I fired it up for him, he paid me and left.
A day later he called me and left a nasty message saying I ripped him off and the thing was leaking gas all over. Worked like 30 minutes and stopped.

I was kinda thrown off, because I checked it over and I know chainsaws very well.
So not wanting a bad sale I said bring it back and let me take a look.
I checked it over, smelled like gas bad, I primed it and notice no gas going thru, so I went and
got my mix can and laid it down. He gruffly grabbed the can and said in a sarcastic voice watch this.
Now he was irritating me, but hey he wants to show me fine. So he takes the cap off ....... the bar oil cap and proceeds to pour in the bar oil tank and of course gas went all over.
The guy was now mad, showing me what he saw as the defect. .
I am trying real hard not to laugh because obviously he is angry. So I said in my most calm and direct voice perhaps a school teacher would use, and said, well Sir, that's where the bar oil goes not the mix. He stood back, having ignored what I had said, and ask me if I was going to give him his money back. While I know I was smirking, that ticked him off as I gave him his money back, he said as he walked some cuss word under his breath at which point captain smart bubblegum in me, said very loudly. Maybe try buying a electric one, they are not as complicated and do not use gas.

I have more but thought this would get it started, still make me laugh, only cause he was a know it all that made it pretty funny.

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[Diamondback]

I already told the story about giving Prof. Stinkerbelle a taste of her own medicine via that old fratboy WMD of Weaponized Flatulence...

"Hey, hold my bean burrito and watch this..."

 

[Stomper]

A few years back while working for a certain mechanical company me and several of the other service techs would meet up at 6am on Monday mornings at The Bomber restaurant for breakfast before going in to turn in the previous week's paperwork.

We got to talking about duck hunting and all the various places and different sub-species of ducks out there. I had mentioned the first time I saw a Merganzer duck, and thought it looked like some sort of "punk-rock mutant" duck.

Then hunting salt-water ducks came up and a guy name Jack (who's an avid fisherman, but not a hunter) pipes in and asks, "aren't those ones salty?" and proceeds to shovel his pancakes and eggs into his mouth... without missing a beat I say, "you're not supposed to eat that part, Jack".....


Simultaneously various portions of coffee, milk, OJ, and/or partially masticated food spontaneously comes flying out of six dudes' mouths and fits of laughter and teared up eyes proceeded for about 5 minutes straight....


Yeah, good times.

 

[Diamondback]

Damn, Stomper, one of my frat brothers' grandma lives around there and we'd usually spend Spring Break helping her fix her place up--The Bomber in Milwaukie was one of "War" and his grandmother's favorite spots. Maybe I shoulda dragged the crew out on an early start Mondays...

 

[No_Regerts]

Nothing is greater than forgetting you have an NWA CD in your work vehicle and you turn on the radio after an arrest and "F*** Tha Police" blares over the speakers.

 

[Diamondback]

Nothing is greater than forgetting you have an NWA CD in your work vehicle and you turn on the radio after an arrest and "F*** Tha Police" blares over the speakers.

LOL, I bet whoever's riding shotgun with you just LOOOOOOVES those moments...

 

[Stomper]

Nothing is greater than forgetting you have an NWA CD in your work vehicle and you turn on the radio after an arrest and "F*** Tha Police" blares over the speakers.

Huh..... I figured you for more of a "Baby got Back", and 2 Live Crew guy..... LOL

 

[DuneHopper]

Here's another one, goes way back to my hell raising days.

There was this, guy Mike in our crew, and as much as we all loved the ladies this guy was always over the top about his escapes.
I mean like every conversation always had him piping up guess who he did. Hell were guys but even for us we were getting bored.

So one night my buddy Mark and his GF pulls up my place said he you in, I never asked what, that was just me. ( Got in more trouble doing that LOL)
So on the way to the next stop we round a corner at that time we are block from Mikes house. I duck down on the truck floor which is awkward as his GF legs are practically or well you get the picture and I am 6' 4" 230. So Mike precedes to hop in the back of the truck with some girl I never saw before. So to paint this Mike only thinks My pal and his GF are there in front and he is in the back. Luckily it was dark because I had a 40min drive to Skyline Blvd.

So we pull up to one of a few spots we all had for late night fun. So Mark me, and his GF ( she was pretty cool about lot of bubblegum we did )
in the front of the cab, begin to make it seem like the tango is going on, with obvious rocking of the truck and well the noises we all made. Mike about a minute or so in, Mikes stop in the back of the truck doing his thing, and we had just started our fakery in the cab.
We thought he was on to us, since all three of us were making noises pretending. No, Mike had completed his task in the back of the truck, so our planned joke was still funny but didn't go on too long before he stopped but turned out better then we hoped.

We proceeded to drive back to drop his Girl off then him at his place. As Mike got out the back of the truck all three of us got out of the cab. After a few cuss words, by Mike; he realized what had happened, and me being the smart bubblegum of the group. Said hey make sure you share this story minute man, ( ya we were mean hehe). From then on anytime he brought up or attempted to we shared that night nothing happened in the front of the truck, and apparently nothing happened in the back either.

 

[mtwarych]

I still lived with my parents in 1977. I was 15 years old.

My father retired from the USAF after 32 years of service and ran the family much like he did at "work" Nobody laughed at my dad.

With that said, one early saturday morning I, being an indentured servant, was happily helping my dad with the usual weekend chores, today we were scheduled to clean the garage and work on building the back deck of the house.

While cleaning the garage, my dad asked me for my beloved Buck knife so he could cut up some cardboard to fit in the garbage can. I take pride in my knives by keeping them razor sharp. I reluctantly handed my beloved knife to my dad. My dad cut a couple pieces of cardboard and then cut the pad of his thumb to the bone. My mother bandaged my dads thumb up while suggesting to him he needs to go to the hospital to get stitched up but being the CMSGT he is, refused to go. The bandage on his thumb was like the ones you see in cartoons. Ridiculously big, round and white. I finished the chore of cleaning the garage.

The next chore was to continue building the rear deck of the house. We would cut a set of lumber, install the set and then cut the next set needed. We got to the point of installing the actual decking and we are cruising right along when my dad decided I was too slow by myself so he would help me. My dad couldn't hold a hammer in the hand with the cut thumb so he decided to drive nails left handed.

The first nail he tried to drive, my dad smashed the crap out of his bandaged thumb. Once again, my mom bandages my dads thumb, trying to talk my dad into going to the hospital with the same results as before.

I finished installing the deck boards and we were done for the day. I put away all the tools and straightened up the work area.

My dad decided we deserve a beer so I went and brought back two beers for us. For some reason there was no cold beer to be had and the outside temps were in the high nineties so my dad told me to go get more beer and a lot of ice.

Sitting in the shade and enjoying our beer slushies my dad decides he needs a smoke.

My dad put the cigarette in his mouth, retrieves his zippo lighter and proceeds to set his thumb on fire!

Remember, NO ONE laughs at my dad.

I almost passed out from trying not to laugh about the whole day. I can laugh about it now.

Rest in peace mom and dad. I miss you guys.

 

[DuneHopper]

I still lived with my parents in 1977. I was 15 years old.

My father retired from the USAF after 32 years of service and ran the family much like he did at "work" Nobody laughed at my dad.

With that said, one early saturday morning I, being an indentured servant, was happily helping my dad with the usual weekend chores, today we were scheduled to clean the garage and work on building the back deck of the house.

While cleaning the garage, my dad asked me for my beloved Buck knife so he could cut up some cardboard to fit in the garbage can. I take pride in my knives by keeping them razor sharp. I reluctantly handed my beloved knife to my dad. My dad cut a couple pieces of cardboard and then cut the pad of his thumb to the bone. My mother bandaged my dads thumb up while suggesting to him he needs to go to the hospital to get stitched up but being the CMSGT he is, refused to go. The bandage on his thumb was like the ones you see in cartoons. Ridiculously big, round and white. I finished the chore of cleaning the garage.

The next chore was to continue building the rear deck of the house. We would cut a set of lumber, install the set and then cut the next set needed. We got to the point of installing the actual decking and we are cruising right along when my dad decided I was too slow by myself so he would help me. My dad couldn't hold a hammer in the hand with the cut thumb so he decided to drive nails left handed.

The first nail he tried to drive, my dad smashed the crap out of his bandaged thumb. Once again, my mom bandages my dads thumb, trying to talk my dad into going to the hospital with the same results as before.

I finished installing the deck boards and we were done for the day. I put away all the tools and straightened up the work area.

My dad decided we deserve a beer so I went and brought back two beers for us. For some reason there was no cold beer to be had and the outside temps were in the high nineties so my dad told me to go get more beer and a lot of ice.

Sitting in the shade and enjoying our beer slushies my dad decides he needs a smoke.

My dad put the cigarette in his mouth, retrieves his zippo lighter and proceeds to set his thumb on fire!

Remember, NO ONE laughs at my dad.

I almost passed out from trying not to laugh about the whole day. I can laugh about it now.

Rest in peace mom and dad. I miss you guys.

Had me in tears laughing oh crap, thanks for sharing.

 

[DuneHopper]

Here is another to share, this was on the Island in California. ( Mare Island ) we had just rebuilt to top end two engines that were going to be put back in the ship, there was a huge massive engine cover id guess maybe 400 or five hundred nuts and bolts held the cover.
They engines where installed and the cover put on, the large engines worked great.
The next day they were testing the motors after being removed from dry dock. It was job I ever had this big.
The ship was to circle Angel Island come back and we were going to check the engines and re-tighten allot of stuff which is normal. What was not normal the ship came back a few extra thousand ponds of weight, we took a full evening well into the night to put all those lid bolts in, only to have to remove them all as we had for got to install the 500lb rubber seal that went around the whole lid. And just pushing out to the bay loaded enough water, luckily the pumps kept it from damaging the engines. I had the pleasure at the time of working under the merchant marines, and one of the best teacher on the planet. RIP JC. But the story makes me cringe just thinking about it, was one heck of a job. One I can't forget,