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Wow! I suggest letting someone else work with her. There is a The Well Armed Woman chapter 11 miles from you. https://twawshootingchapters.org/find-a-local-chapter/ at the Securite Gun Club. They also have private instruction. As my husband said, I teach manly women and most don't learn firearms well from husbands. If my husband thought of me what you said here I couldn't learn from you either. So, I will just leave that there.
 
I think I like the BB gun idea, I may try that. Thanks.

If at the end of BB-Gun practice she wants to use regular firearms, may I suggest you pay for an instructor.

1) It will remove any of the personal dynamic you two have around you teaching (telling) her something she needs to abide by. The instructor is paid to give her good information, instill a sense of respect about the sport/hobby and help her develop/start good safety habits.
2) Any safety concerns will be able to be "emphasised" by a professional in a range environment. They can politely tell her how serious it is and how to behave accordingly.
3) They can also tell her if golf would be more her thing than shooting due to the lack of attention to detail.

My ex wanted me to teach her to shoot. I suggested that she get a couple of lessons from someone NOT me.
It really helped her get some solid footing.

Best of luck.
 
It took my wife a period of years to get used to shooting. Long story but she was probably in the same arena as yours with what she said as well. It was more girl centric snark than anything else.

We went to the range a bit, but it was the 25 yard range at TCGC. She was always freaked out by simply being there, added to the stress that she could only put one out of 5 shots on the paper.

Took her to a really good training class (after I went), and we both trained together. Learned the same way to handle a CCW pistol and gained the same vocabulary. Now we practice everything when we go to the range, because we learned it together. I learned to do things differently for the main reason that I could use the common ground to communicate with her. It worked very well.

The best trick was getting the pistol 2' from the dang paper so she could figure out her sights. Once that epiphany hit it was all downhill.

She'll never dry fire or practice regularly (or without me), but when I leave town the gun is on her nightstand and I'm comfortable that she knows how and when to use it.

*edit - It was Oregon Firearms Academy where we trained, but they closed to regular operations in 2016. Dan Abbot is amazing, he's a member here ( OFADan ) and sometimes pops up but I haven't seen him around lately. Not sure if they still offer any private training but the link is below. Ultimately I took a range buddy and both kids there too.

link - Oregon Fire Arms Academy
 
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To me, it appears the OP is dealing with reality as it is, not in a condescending manner that could result a disaster waiting to happen.
It is a blessing that he can recognize and identify the potential problems.
I too, have the good fortune to have a smart and loving woman in my life.
But, she is not wired with the mindset needed to deal with firearms.
Best,
Gary

Did you and I read the same thing? Let's role point by point. OP statement bolded and italicized. My thoughts follow.

I'm getting back into shooting and my wife wants to shoot also.

Cool that you found something to do with your wife.

But I don't think she has what's needed to be a gun owner.

So you're both getting into something yet you feel qualified to make that judgement about her...okay...

It's a difficult thing to describe. She isn't detail oriented, doesn't care to know how things work, she just wants to use things,

Half the world isn't detail oriented. How many people out there operate a car/motorcycle but couldn't detail strip the engine? Most?

doesn't want to put any effort into anything unless it's the fun parts, if she does put in any effort, it's as little as possible, she doesn't read instructions or follow directions well.

How many guys walking out of IKEA plan to use the instructions? It's also been my experience that people will follow directions from others that have earned the right to give those directions. Her not following your directions regarding firearms says more about your relationship than her personality. But, as others have noted, if your goal is her operating a firearm well, then find yourself someone she'll take directions from. Some women prefer female teachers, others like older or older female teachers and others still prefer someone very like them in personality. Fortunately, there are a lot of teachers out there.

She has a hard time assembling anything or fixing something that comes apart.

Okay...so...? Mechanical aptitude is a fun skill but it has no bearing on one's ability to operate a weapon effectively.

Almost like a lack of spatial awareness, I sometimes think if you gave her one of those tests of putting different shaped blocks into the proper holes, she would fail at it.

This statement is just being a dick. We give these block toys to toddlers to teach them spatial awareness. This doesn't come across as a joke because you've spent the rest of the paragraph ranting about your wife.

A couple of specifics, we saw a gun on youtube and she wanted that one because she liked the color of it.

I bought a CZ457 Lux because I liked the color of it (well, the wood grain)...what of it? You're nitpicking.

Also I've been trying to do 5 minute training sessions in the evenings to get her familiar with a gun I have, how to load a magazine with ammo, put the magazine in the gun, work the slide, hold it, use the sights, just general familiarity and repetition on the 4 safety rules. She hasn't wanted to do any of that and recently said that she needs to just go shoot it.

Sounds to me like you're upset that your wife isn't doing this (learning to shoot) your way and that you are of the impression that your way is the only way. The question, at the end of the day, is do you want to go shooting with her and do you want her to learn to handle a weapon well? If yes and yes, then you need to realize that people can love to shoot and be very capable at it while also not giving $0.02 about the mechanics of the gun. Get her an instructor that she'll listen to and relax that her way of coming to this is different than yours.
 
I think your description was actually pretty good. And I would say that if she can't get behind the idea of learning firearms, really learning then maybe firearms aren't for her. And saying she likes a gun because of what color it is is fairly commonplace these days but still concerns lots of us gun owners that know better.
My wife often buys wine 'cause the label is "neat".
 
It took my wife a period of years to get used to shooting. Long story but she was probably in the same arena as yours with what she said as well. It was more girl centric snark than anything else.

We went to the range a bit, but it was the 25 yard range at TCGC. She was always freaked out by simply being there, added to the stress that she could only put one out of 5 shots on the paper.

Took her to a really good training class (after I went), and we both trained together. Learned the same way to handle a CCW pistol and gained the same vocabulary. Now we practice everything when we go to the range, because we learned it together. I learned to do things differently for the main reason that I could use the common ground to communicate with her. It worked very well.

The best trick was getting the pistol 2' from the dang paper so she could figure out her sights. Once that epiphany hit it was all downhill.

She'll never dry fire or practice regularly (or without me), but when I leave town the gun is on her nightstand and I'm comfortable that she knows how and when to use it.

*edit - It was Oregon Firearms Academy where we trained, but they closed to regular operations in 2016. Dan Abbot is amazing, he's a member here ( OFADan ) and sometimes pops up but I haven't seen him around lately. Not sure if they still offer any private training but the link is below. Ultimately I took a range buddy and both kids there too.

link - Oregon Fire Arms Academy
 
I've been instructing professionally (not firearms) for years and when I am teaching couples it's usually more effective to separate them, when "they" don't want to be separated I often have to tell the husband (politely) to pipe down or go start his own school.
I've often been thanked (out of earshot) by the relieved wife.
Even though I consider myself good at my job I would choose someone else to teach my wife, the instruction would be more effective, it would be more fun for her and better for our relationship.
I hope you would agree that a professional with years of experience teaching people of all types would be better suited to determine her potential, or anyone else's.
It's been my experience that there are VERY few "bad" students and many, many, many bad teachers. Some people have a higher aptitude/natural ability, potential, etc and so learn quicker but I'm confident that I can improve anyone's ability given the time and opportunity.
People learn differently, some can hear an explanation and apply it, some need to read it, some need to see it done in person or video, some need to understand the science or physics behind something and others need to do it with their own hands. Some can do it once and learn it well, others need a lot of repetition before it sinks in. There's a good chance that her style of learning is different from yours. A good instructor will work with the individual in front of them and tailor their style to whatever is most effective for that student. I suspect that if your wife is interested and paired with the right instructor she will enjoy and improve with firearms, either gradually or rapidly depending on the level of instruction and her own native ability.
If you've read this far you've got a longer attention span than most on the internet, thanks!
 
I'm getting back into shooting and my wife wants to shoot also. But I don't think she has what's needed to be a gun owner. It's a difficult thing to describe. She isn't detail oriented, doesn't care to know how things work, she just wants to use things, doesn't want to put any effort into anything unless it's the fun parts, if she does put in any effort, it's as little as possible, she doesn't read instructions or follow directions well. She has a hard time assembling anything or fixing something that comes apart. Almost like a lack of spatial awareness, I sometimes think if you gave her one of those tests of putting different shaped blocks into the proper holes, she would fail at it. A couple of specifics, we saw a gun on youtube and she wanted that one because she liked the color of it. Also I've been trying to do 5 minute training sessions in the evenings to get her familiar with a gun I have, how to load a magazine with ammo, put the magazine in the gun, work the slide, hold it, use the sights, just general familiarity and repetition on the 4 safety rules. She hasn't wanted to do any of that and recently said that she needs to just go shoot it.

All this has made me think there are more people, other than the usual and obvious set, that should not own guns. I know there are some obvious traits of those that shouldn't own guns, but I'm thinking there may be other less obvious traits, either by themselves or combined, that also mean someone shouldn't own a gun. I'm just having a hard time summing that up into a cohesive description. Any thoughts?
Well, it seems clear that YOU don't feel good about her handling/owning guns so I'd say that's the end of it. Why give a gun to anyone who you don't think would handle it safely?
 
20170118_192424.jpg
My wife's a big fan of pink, and hello kitty, lol.

She can't shoot it worth a darn because of her extreme astigmatism, but I love her and had fun doing this project. So she likes to tell everyone about her cute pink gun even though she will probably never shoot it again, good on her. Give those gun grabbers a coronary.

Looks awesome on the firing line at the range! I gotta kill an animal with it, just for the lolz.
:s0140:
 
View attachment 786580
My wife's a big fan of pink, and hello kitty, lol.

She can't shoot it worth a darn because of her extreme astigmatism, but I love her and had fun doing this project. So she likes to tell everyone about her cute pink gun even though she will probably never shoot it again, good on her. Give those gun grabbers a coronary.

Looks awesome on the firing line at the range! I gotta kill an animal with it, just for the lolz.
:s0140:
bubblegum, I'd go to war with that thing, pink is a man's color :cool:
 
The woman's training course is a top recommendation. Also would suggest she may sound more like a smaller revolver (38/357) person. Did both for my wife, interestingly she developed a liking for a Glock 19 at the course, so I gave her both guns.
 
A few people have asked me why I never carry , or even have a concealed carry permit. My reality is that the people I am likely to be with in a serious emergency are going to react poorly. So poorly that my having a live firearm is would put them in more danger, not increase our safety as a group.

A man's got to know his limitations.
Harry Callahan
 
A few people have asked me why I never carry , or even have a concealed carry permit. My reality is that the people I am likely to be with in a serious emergency are going to react poorly. So poorly that my having a live firearm is would put them in more danger, not increase our safety as a group.

A man's got to know his limitations.
Harry Callahan
Groupthink is best think.
 
Many times, the spouse isn't the best instructor or student. Let someone else do that part, at least as far as the basics. As far as the mechanics, keep in mind that you don't need to know how to rebuild an automatic transmission to drive a car with one. Some people really like the details and others may not. Doesn't necessarily impact the fun of the sport.
 

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