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To all those who love the philosophy of ambiguity...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Stomper, Oct 6, 2009.

  1. Stomper

    Stomper Oceania Rising White Is The New Brown Silver Supporter

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    (FYI- I'm not shouting, it's copied from an email I received... I didn't want spend the time to convert it from the all caps it was in... :D )

    1.
    ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

    2.
    ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

    3.
    IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

    4.
    THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

    5.
    I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID 'IF I TOLD YOU, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.'

    6.
    WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

    7.
    IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

    8.
    IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

    9.
    IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

    10.
    WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

    11.
    WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

    12.
    IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

    13.
    WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

    14.
    WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

    15.
    If A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

    16.
    CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

    17.
    IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

    18.
    WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

    19.
    ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

    20.
    HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

    21.
    IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

    22.
    IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

    23.
    IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

    24.
    WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

    25.
    WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

    26.
    WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

    27.
    WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

    28.
    IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

    29.
    CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
     
  2. Jamie6.5

    Jamie6.5 Western OR Well-Known Member

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    30.
    iT'S OKAY TO BE MEDIOCRE AS LONG AS YOU'RE GOOD AT IT!
     
  3. Chee-to

    Chee-to Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things......:wow:
     
  4. MarkSBG

    MarkSBG Beaverton Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Why are they called apartments if they are all crowded together?

    Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?

    How long does a woman's hair permanent last?

    Why is abbreviation such a long word?

    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
     
  5. JumpWing

    JumpWing NK WA Member

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    If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?

    Why is cargo moved by ship, but a shipment travels by car?

    Isn't it a bit troubling that doctors call their work "practice"?
     
  6. orygun

    orygun West Linn Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."

    14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger Then it hit me.

    15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."

    16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

    17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    21 A backward poet writes inverse.

    22. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

    23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

    :p
     
  7. coctailer

    coctailer Portland, OR/Hastings, MI/Vancouver,WA I run with scissors.

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    Why would someone ever throw the baby out with the bath water?
     
  8. Bajablast

    Bajablast Hillsboro, OR Active Member

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    1. You won't find your calling on a cell phone.

    2. There are 2 sides to every story, and then there is the truth.

    3. Why do people with nothing to say, say it so LOUDLY???

    4. Does a rhetorical question have a rhetorical answer??

    5. What exactly do you use to 'kill' time? :gun11:

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
     
  9. PromptCritical

    PromptCritical Oregon City, OR Member

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    FWIW, changing it from all caps took less than a minute using the "Sentence case" command in Word including copying, opening Word and pasting.