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This is a sincere thread, not a political one. Please don't make it about politics. Moderators, if you feel it's headed in a wrong direction and should be moved to another un-named part of the forum, please do so.

My father passed away last week. It was a tough week, as any of you all who have lost parents or other close loved ones know all too well. He was a good man, honest and ethical. I respected him and don't think I could ever fill his shoes.

The reason I post about this is because of an incident at the funeral. My father was a old-school, Midwest farmer and a staunch conservative. He had also traveled the world when he was young, and he was very intelligent and principled. He knew a lot of people and had a lot of friends. He had spent some time in the last couple years in a big city hospital, and had made friends with several hospital staff there. At his service there was over a hundred people, and among them several African-American families that knew and cared enough for him to drive several hours out into Midwest corn country to say their goodbys. One of the families were recent immigrants from Africa- wonderful people that my dad had made friends with; I wish I'd had time to get to know them better. Otherwise the church was filled with extended family, and friends and neighbors from the area. It was probably quite uncommon to see that many black faces in one place in that tiny rural Midwestern church, in that tiny, rural, Midwestern town. These were his friends, and I loved that they were there.

The disturbing thing was later at the graveside, when someone told my sister that she'd overheard another person ask one of their black friends, "What are all you ni**ers doing here?"

She went to the friend who was asked that, and he downplayed it, didn't even want to tell her who it was that had asked it. He said he heard stuff like that all the time and it didn't bother him, and he didn't want to make a fuss at a funeral. She got him to point out the culprit, and it was a decades-long friend and neighboring farmer. She apologized profusely to her friends, but didn't go any further at the time, under the circumstances. I was furious when I heard about it. It was incredibly rude to my father's friends, and disrespectful to my Dads memory, and at a funeral?!! When she's able to compost herself, my sister will contact the neighbor and confront him about it. Knowing her, I wouldn't want to be him.

Living most of my life in the PNW, I've seen very, very few instances of overt racism. I think it's a common feeling among white people that it hardly even exists anymore. I've heard it said that one of the problems with race is that while black people often have a tendency to see racism even when it's not there, white people have a tendency to not see it when it is. I want to be able to at least try to see things from another person's perspective. I know it's naive to think that there's any kind of easy fix to racial problem, but all the political hate and anguish isn't doing anyone any good, on any sides. I don't have any solutions; just personal meandering thoughts on the subject.

Anyhow, race relations are a big deal in the news right now, and it seems like it's always a fight instead of a rational discussion. Personally I believe that racial problems are all about culture, not the amount of pigment in your skin. Skin tone is simply a cultural identifier, and cultural differences are what people squabble about. My dad was from a very different culture than his black friends, but a shared faith and love of family overcame that. My dad saw and cared about people as human beings, regardless of culture or skin tone. I'm proud that he had such a diverse group of people who loved him enough to travel so far to his service. If a grouchy old right-wing Midwestern farmer can accomplish that, it would seem that most anyone can.

Please excuse my emotional rambling. It's been a rough week. Please, please everyone- don't make this about politics. That's not my purpose in this thread.
People are people - but some people should just keep their mouth shut - especially at a funeral. :rolleyes:

For someone to say that at a funeral, their stupidity and/or their hatred (often mixed together), must have overwhelmed them. I know some people feel that way, but to say it at a funeral, to a person of color no less, just goes beyond the pale. :mad:
Agreed. That was a despicable thing to say at a funeral, let alone even think it anywhere...

My condolences to you on the loss of your father.

I was born in the PNW and spent the first 10 years of my life here and the past 30-odd years "based" here. I've traveled the world since I was 10 until I was 55, and have seen and lived in many places where racism of many different persuasions (cultural, racial, national, religious, etc.) is present, but not overtly obvious.

The most overtly racist place I ever lived, by far, was Virginia, after returning from many years in Europe. I was struck by the in-your-face, overt racism, Confederate battle flags in trucks, the N-word, etc. It was stupefying to come into this in the mid-70s through the mid to late-80s, having been raised by good parents and having had friends of all nationalities, races, colors, and creeds. After I graduated college, I couldn't leave Virginia fast enough...
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Im so sorry for your loss. Poeple are affraid of things that are different and tend to steroe type, im guilty of it too. At a job years ago with several hundred employes i wrote off one employee who was goth, tight jeans rolled
Up on the bottom, wore all black everthing, long hair and plale as a sheet of paper, but after working with him we became good friends he was one of the coolest guys ive ever met and had a sence of humor that is unmatched to this day, i literaly still laugh about the stuff he did, so sometimes we just need exposure to grow and realize the old saying dont judge a book by its cover is true.
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I'm not sure if you're asking a specific question, but I know one thing I try to be very intentional about is not thinking "my" reality is all of reality. I see it often and it's frustrating.

Having lived many years in the South, I've seen systemic, overt racism. So much so that the local minority community adjusted to and patronized the businesses that wouldn't allow them inside.

Bottom line, racism is ignorance. Claiming racism to blame the crap life throws at you is ignorance. Open your mind to the possibilities of what's happening in the lives around you and just try to be kind to everyone you meet
Humans are tribal. We want to be around others who are " like us " whether its political parties, religion, sports or sexual orientation.

I had a professor who described it as the " Other. " The Other was the enemy, they were not one of us and therefor it was something to be pushed aside or gotten rid of.
I do not understand racism.......(and a lot of other things)
For me, the easiest thing in the world is to get along with other people.
All I have to do is be nice.
When I was working in hospitals I worked with folks of all colors.
Did it matter? No. Why not? Because I didn't care.
All I wanted was to work with someone who took their job seriously.
If some guy comes up bright green with blue stripes and does his job well and
is polite and friendly I will be his friend and work with him.
If Mr. bright green with blue stripes is an aggressive moron he can go suck eggs.
I have more important things in life than to worry about what color you are.
Things like your character, ethics, attitude towards others etc.
We seem to look for things that separate us and use that to...well, separate us.
As far as those morons at the funeral go........they displayed their true feelings.
Ignore them and forget them. They are not worth the trouble.
If I spent my time trying to figure out idiots my head would explode.
Sometimes it pays to be fast ...other times its better to be slow in a race....

What someone says and does is of far more importance , than where they are from or what color their skin is.

Sorry for the loss of your father...He sounds a man who had much wisdom and understanding.


I'm not sure if you're asking a specific question, but I know one thing I try to be very intentional about is not thinking "my" reality is all of reality.

Nope, no questions, just my meandering thoughts as I sit here, as a lifetime of memories of my dad go through my mind, and my dang defective eyeballs leak. Thank you everyone, for all the kind words.

I agree about how easy it is for one to think their own perspective on reality is absolute truth. The nature of reality is such that there is one absolute reality, but one's personal experiences and upbringing affects their perception of that reality to a huge degree. Considering and understanding another person's perspective is enlightening even when you don't agree with their conclusions.

Bigots come in all types- all races, religions, nationalities, and political persuasions. They're not always stupid or ignorant. Simply being respectful towards others goes a long way, but some people will never return that respect. What can you do? Ignore them, I guess, and not be one.


First of all, our sincerest condolences to you!

Second, racism is not acceptable any time or any place, Period! That some one would say such things, let alone in public, and in the place this was said shows that person to be a seriously messed up person who shouldn't ever be invited to anything ever again!
I had the honor of serving alongside several not white men, men who had earned the right to be there same as Me, and they were some of the greatest people I have ever known! My wife and I are always welcome in their homes, and like wise, they are always welcome in ours!

Something I always tell folks;
We are all the same color inside, and some times those colors leak out, proof that we are all the same, American Red Blood!
The one who made that comment is ignorant. Nothing more to be said on that. People are still free to be ignorant. Ignorance knows no bounds as far as what "race" someone is.
As for the "politics" of this now days that is a whole different animal. Its LONG been used for power and money.
As a “person of color”, I want to give my $.02. True ignorance is innocent. People may not know exactly how to ask or what something is, but their attempts to ask or talk about something shouldn’t be viewed as evil ignorance, its just someone trying to learn.

I don’t believe the liberal sect of our society treats all POC equally. 100% honest, I see more overt racism coming from the “woke”. If you’re black or native, you get the attention, sorrow and a wide berth for your actions and the liberals stand out there championing your cause.

If you’re Islander, Hispanic, Asian, they really dont give a schit. Look at all those Antifas that are accosting Asians at protests because they think they are Andrew Ngo. Prime example.

You think LE treats blacks bad because they are racist? Why doesn’t the racism manifest itself across all races? How come even the people that don’t speak English manage to not get shot despite the language barrier? Let that marinate for a minute. How is it that a group of people who makes up a larger percentage of the US population and basically has 2 federal agencies tasked with making constant contact, doesn’t get shot or arrested at an equally high rate?

This is why I get extremely hostile when I get a snotty comment from someone who is “woke”. I dare them to say the same thing to a black person and they know they wouldn’t because its THEM that still fear black people.

I think after all these riots, a lot of black people are figuring them out too.
Yes, the person in the OP displayed remarkably poor taste.

I am not racist, but racists per se don't bother me. It's just an opinion after all, and we all have plenty of those, some of them not so pretty.

What matters is actions. Also, I value freedom of association, which particularly has been trampled a lot lately.

Keep in mind the long bloody history among humans, over mere differences of opinion. For example, the religious wars. Saying racism is not acceptable, well, what does that mean? Should we hang people for having the wrong thoughts in their heads? Should we beat them up or throw them in jail?
Should we hang people for having the wrong thoughts in their heads? Should we beat them up
BLM/Antifa/By Any Means Necessary would respond with an emphatic, "YES!" if it is not an "approved" (read: woke) thought...
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