Things Your Dad Used to Say

[Bon Sauvage]

"He was grinning like a mule eating saw briars through a sh-t fence."

 

[brokenarrow]

Grinning like a butcher's dog on a gut wagon.

Look like the cat that swallowed the canary.

 

[Bon Sauvage]

"If I had that (insert here) and he had a feather up is asss we'd both be tickled."

 

[jbett98]

Sometimes my Dad wouldn't say a thing, just give that look that said it all.

 

[geezer]

once a man twice a child

 

[Medic!]

''Slow down. I'm in a hurry''

''Harder than the back of Gods head''

''Tougher than woodpecker lips''

''People won't remember what you said. They will remember how you made them feel''

And once he told a great big guy. ''Your A$$ sucks buttermilk'' Right before he took that guy apart.

 

[bivy53]

"I don't want to hear of you starting a fight, but if you're in one you damn sure better finish it."
"He's as stubborn as farmer Brown's mule."
"If it don't fit, don't force it. Just get a bigger hammer."
"Happy as a hog in slop." Etc, etc, etc.
He'd be 105 now.

 

[Jim Colvill]

"I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it." "Do as I say, not as I do." This was while I was growing up. Later in life it became "Thanks, Son".

 

[The B]

I, like many, had no father present for 98% of my childhood... but when he did come around looking to gratify himself/satisfy his own guilt by buying me ice cream and giving me money, he'd drop occasional nuggets of wisdom.. like:

Dad: what's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?
11 year old me: I don't know, dad.
Dad: getting the diaper off.
11 year old me: That's pretty bubblegumed up, man.
Dad: <laughter>

HIS dad once told me, when I was about 12, "men don't wear shorts." I've only just this year started wearing shorts again, over two decades later. I might not have had any kind of relationship with either of these men, nor even really respected them much (if at all), but the things you say to your kids DO stick with them. As the father of 5 boys and a girl, I try to remember this, and try to ensure the words I do give them are as true and edifying as possible... 'cause they're sorta forever.

 

[jbett98]

I didn't know that my Dad knew swear words, let alone shout them out at me as I accidentally dropped a cars engine block on his fingers while helping him replace a bad motor mount.

 

[teflon6string]

You can't get a meal like this in a restaurant!

 

[marty8587]

"there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just some that are barely pretty."

 

[The B]

"there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just some that are barely pretty."

Wasn't my father, but a father-figure of mine used to say, "beauty is just a light switch away."

 

[WAcarry]

"Come here and I'll give you something to cry about"
"Shat in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first"
"Start thinking with the head on your shoulders for once"
"What the hell were you thinking?" I heard that one a lot.

But the best ones?
"I'm proud of you son"
"I love you son"
And
"Clean this up before your mother kills us"

 

[U201494]

"The snow in the driveway is asswhole deep to a tall Indian, get your brothers and shovel it now."
Heard that a lot growing up in Minnesota. I moved out at 18 and he bought a snowblower.

 

[Caveman Jim]

"Come here and I'll give you something to cry about"
"Shat in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up first"
"Start thinking with the head on your shoulders for once"
"What the hell were you thinking?" I heard that one a lot.

But the best ones?
"I'm proud of you son"
"I love you son"
And
"Clean this up before your mother kills us"

That was my dad in a nutshell, thanks for the memories.

 

[U201494]

and one of his descriptive terms:
"Tighter than a bull's asss at fly time."
I used it a lot in my early years as a truck mechanic.

 

[No_Regerts]

When my buddy and I turned 13, we started trying to be cool and look good for girls. My buddy got a bottle of cologne for his birthday. My dad agreed to drive us to an after-school event one night and as my buddy got into the car, my dad says, "Boy, you smell like a Paris F@ggot!"

I still call my buddy that from time to time, over 20 years later.

 

[Member 5605]

"Wanna play a game of hide and seek?"

Thirty years later I still can't find him.... He is a good hider.

 

[Kid@Heart]

Usually a variation on this theme when I was a pimple faced teen...

"You keep pulling on that thing it will fall off"

"Don't break that, you might want it some day"

"You will go blind from that"

He obviously thought my older brother was dumber than a stump...

Dad- "If Bobby jumped off the Interstate Bridge, would you jump too?"
Me- "Sure. Someone has to save him, he can't swim!"
Dad-" You're a real smartazz, aren't you."
Me- "Better than being a dumbazz"
Dad-" "
Me- "OWWWW"