Things Your Dad Used to Say

[etrain16]

"Nice to meet you hungry, you can call me dad" I'm sure I'm not the only one that heard this line.

 

[etrain16]

My dad didn't say much other than when I was 8-yrs old he told me, 'you're the man of the house now', and then he moved out. Can't blame him too much since my mom was a psycho...which makes me wonder why he thought it good for him to leave and me to stay.

I got a very similar line from my dad when I was 10 - only my mom wasn't (and isn't) a pyscho.

 

[Mr.B]

If it has t*ts or tires, it WILL give you trouble.
Truer words were never spoken. Sure do miss him!

 

[Caveman Jim]

"This gonna hurt you a lot more than me, why can't you just listen to yer momma".
Dad was GB, SF airborne and in the 60's & 70's he was gone a lot (overseas).

 

[hariph creek]

Well my grandfather was more of a father to me. So ...

"You have to make your boss enough money that he can afford to pay you."

"Don't promise, deliver."

(Me) "How do you feel Grandpa?"
(Him) "With my fingers."

"Son" and "I love you" and "I'm proud of you" (These are the greatest inheritance I could ever ask for.)

 

[Classic]

Knock that SHEIT off or I'll rip your God Da__ arm and beat you with the bloody stump!

Needless to say I stopped immediately!

 

[lowly monk]

I remember he used "rats" and told me it replaces the F word.

 

[Slobray]

Ones that can be put here are :

If I didn't put black pepper on my food he would say "Pepper will make your pecker grow",

"It's all pink ........",

and everytime I would go out, it would be the old "If you knock that girl up, your getting a job to support her and the baby"


Ray

 

[No_Regerts]

Great ones! My Dad had a Plymouth Roadrunner that he bought when he got back from Vietnam. It would "take off faster than a stripe-ed azzed ape!"

 

[Vanillagerrilla]

My Grampa used to tell me:
" If it wont come out, put it back in. If it wont go in, take it back out..."
My Uncle, who was also my boss from age 8 until college, would say to me :
"You better give your heart to Jesus, cuz yer butt is mine.."

 

[erudne]

My dad had 1000's of sayings but I forgot them all after that time he hit me in the head w/a golf club, "by accident", he said

 

[Garg]

When I would complain about food, he would say "In the war, the first month we swatted away the bugs from our food, the second month we didn't care, just let them land, the third month we would swat the bugs into our food, for flavor".

 

[mrblond]

My Grand dad used to say.." God damn.. Sum bubblegum! "' with the last two words far louder then the 1st two. When my cousin and I heard those words, we new it was time to get scarce.
He was a tough old soldier.

 

[Caveman Jim]

Every time I yelled Dammit my son would get real scarce real quick....... So his nickname was Dammit....

 

[edslhead]

Measure twice, cut once

 

[Bazooka Joe]

"There are three things in life you don't scrimp on -- shoes, mattresses, <insert whatever he was complaining about at the moment>."

"Cheeseis crusty! Got all musty! Got damp on the stone of a peach!"

 

[45alive]

''Takes 10,000 geniuses to fix what 1 idiot F@$&*D up !'' or '' You know what is yours ? Look in the Toilet !''

 

[Member 5605]

I was 15 years old before I knew my name wasn't GetWood

Up hill, both ways.

Shaking like a dog $hitting a peach seed.

Hotter than a billy goat with two peckers

Tighter than a gnat's a$$

Ran like a gutshot cat

Quicker than a raped ape

Madder than a wet hornet


Update::
$hit eating grin

Bat $hit crazy

Do it wrong twice or one time right (I keep reminding my own son of this when he rushes stuff- he is 10)

I'm only with your mother until you kids are out of the house. (Sadly this was true, my mother was bat$hit crazy and when I was no longer under her control it became obvious. 15 years after the divorce he is a totally different person, actually happy now.)

 

[DuneHopper]

Like many Dad was not around much, but I do recall him teaching me about trust.

No one is entitled to respect its earned.

And my favorite. Be as loyal to your woman as that dog is to you.

 

[Talin]

"Knock it off or imma THUMP YOU" The guy had freakin sausages for fingers ....... he did it once ....... ONCE! ......... Nuf said, imma good boy now