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'Tis two weeks before Christmas
And my thread has no hits
Still, it's only been one week
So I won't call it quits

There was a little interest
I got PM'd on Tuesday
But I can't fault his choice
When he was offered an AK

Here's to hoping that Santa
Will come down the chimney with a thump
And bring me a magnum
So let's give this ad a bump.
 
Just one week now 'til Christmas
And no one's come forth
To make a trade offer
Before Santa's trip from the North

I'm hoping to find
A big magnum boomer
I'd be happy in the meantime
If someone showed a little humor

My trade is out there, I'm sure,
They just don't yet know it
But perhaps someday soon
They'll meet a gun totin' poet.

Just here for fun, folks. Can't take it too seriously .... Serious about the trade, though. Bump.
 
nwo took the time
And filled my throat with a lump
When he made a bad rhyme
but gave me a free bump

(Thanks nwo)

But now it is Christmas
And my stocking hangs bare
Alas there's no trade
To put a magnum in there

Santa's done flying
Through the sky like a bolt
Maybe I should consider
Taking a trade in .45 Colt

Maybe wanting .44 mag
Is a little too plucky.
Well, tell me now, punk,
Do ya .... feel lucky?

(I do)

So I'll brew up some cocoa
And fill it with schnapps
Then watch my inbox
After I send this back to the tops

Merry Christmas, everybody!
 
So is that 24/7 a 9mm? (I could research that myself. But this way, you get a bump, too. :) )

I agree with nwo: clever, very clever.
 
I was a little bored this morning, so I came up with two new ones for y'all. Enjoy!
____________________________________________________________________

Another week has gone by
And I haven't sealed the deal
But you keep coming back
'Cause you're intrigued with my spiel

You really need this trade
Sit back, I'll tell you why
There may come a day
That without it you'd die

I know that's dramatic
You may think that I bluff
But just keep on reading
I'll explain soon enough

You may yet rue the day
You ignored the gun that I tout
If 2012 ends up being
The year Zombie Apocalypse breaks out!

Your magnum looks good
In the woods and the sedge
But when you face the undead
You'll want a high capacity edge

Hordes of them swarming
In their tatters and stains
They'll come to your home
To devour your brains

You've got six in the cylinder
How long will you be lastin'?
But if you trade for my auto
You can just keep on blastin'

With this Taurus in hand
There's no reason to fear
So make a trade with me now
And have a Happy New Year!

_____________________________________________________________________________

Methinks it is time
To consider new tactics
Perhaps you're hesitation
Is 'cause this gun's made with plastics

Well put that thought out of mind
And put your fears all to rest
This gun's faced its critics
And flown through the test

The frame is quite stout
Its performance is steady
Its parts are well made
To keep you always at ready

It has a comfortable grip
And it shoots straight and true
The design won awards
When the model was new

So come one and all
Make an orderly line
No pushin' or shovin'
We'll get along fine

I'm sure there are many
Eager to get this fine gun
Whether for home defense
Or just for the fun

'Cause the zombie horde's comin'
Of that be assured
To be unprepared
Would just be absurd

Time to make up your mind
Now hurry, don't wait
The competition is fierce
You don't want to be late

There, that should do it
I gave it the right spin
Now to sit back
And watch trade offers pour in

..... Um .... anytime now ..... is this thing on?
 
What was that noise?
Did the deck boards just creak?
Someone's at the window
They're tryin' to peak

It might be the zombies
Has the horde finally risen?
Or maybe some bad guys
Just broke out of prison

Bad things are creapin'
Through dim, fading light
They're movin' just beyond
The edge of your sight

Maybe Hell just poured forth
Things with evil intent
The lake of fire is lit
And it's time to repent

You've tried to be good
But can't help being a sinner
Now Lucifer's minions
Want to have you for dinner

With howls of bloodlust
Dark forces they rally
But what they didn't know
Is you're the baddest in the valley

You're down on one knee
But your prayers you're neglectin'
'Cause the grim reaper's your brother
And brother, you're collectin'

From the shadows they come
Through the woods and the briar
To line up in your sights
And go down in nine millimeter fire

For their dark plans you've become
A problem most vexsome
Fear weakens their hearts
When you call, "Come and get some!"

All the beasts that are out there
Desperately need to be shot
'Til your magazine's empty
And your barrel is hot

Then quick as a flash
The next mag is in
And hot lead you're sendin'
Down range with a grin

But wait, stop the story
You've just realized
You don't have an auto
Like the one fantasized

You have a revolver
And I don't mean to taunt
But now I've got you thinkin'
It's this Taurus you want

Yet "want" isn't strong enough
It's the wrong word, indeed
We both know the truth
It's this Taurus you "need"

There are lots of things
That go bump in the night
Care to make a trade?
I think now you might
 
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