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Have you ever heard a public speaker say, "Now then..."

Did it make you want to jump up and yell out..."WHICH IS IT?!" at the top of your lungs?
 
I tried to watch a high falutin show about the history and wonderment (golly!) of mathematics on PBS. Twice.
Each time, I bailed because the smarmy redhead with a heavy British accent said "maths" instead of "math". Every. Single. Time.
1+1=you cause autism
 
If your chickens get broody, they tend to want to sit in the coop all day, and they quit laying. The solution is to lock them out of the coop for 2 days, and they'll stop acting broody.

If your new wife demonstrates nesting instincts and wants a baby, you can lock her out for 2 days, but it doesn't work the same. She'll still quit laying, but only with you.

(no sexism here. just stupid jokes.)

(only 2 responses so far. Apparently you people lack stupidity.)
 
:s0114:

how-to-change-a-light-bulb-5-728.jpg
 
I'm sticking with that last one.

"Hey Dave, how often do you eat fried chicken?"

"Oh, not very often. Only a few onces per while."

"You mean, like every now and then?"

I'm like, "Well not both. Maybe every now or then."

Nearby ESL student freaks out and runs away screaming.
 
"Every once in a while..."

Okay.

How many onces are in a while?

If you do something every once in a while, you are doing it all the time. Right?
I think it's about how many birds there are of a feather. But I tend to count my sheep before the sleeping dogs, so don't go by me. Or if you do go by me, be sure you're wearing your windbreaker right.

Wait, is that onces by volume or by weight?
 
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? I spent years and years studying this very question, and could never come up with a proper answer!
Perhaps I need a couple million dollar gov. grant to properly study this problem and find the answer, which must be incredible deep, and will solve all sorts of questions about life, and such!

And no it's not 42! :s0140:
 

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