So dad is getting a little dotty...

[bbbass]

I can relate in several ways:

Tho my dad hadn't had a gun since he was a kid, it was a terrible thing to witness his decline during terminal liver cancer. Tho he didn't mind dying at 85, he was estranged from my mom, I had to put him in a care facility (which he had always been terrified of having to do), and his wife of 60yrs never once reached out to him. He cried and cried. It was so hard to see this tough, strict, obstinent, domineering, unemotional man break down. Crap.

And my wife's dad died from Alzheimer's. One of her cousins died from Alzheimer's. Now my wife has dementia and is no longer the person I married. It's my turn to go thru being a caregiver to one that is suffering with dementia. I had to take her handguns away and tho I haven't removed guns completely from our home, it will eventually come to that.

Hang in there. Love is the answer. Swallowing our own emotions is necessary when dealing with the frustration and disappointment, but love is an emotion you can still let out. Tho it is hard sometimes for men to express love, there are other ways to show it, like not correcting their mistakes, not correcting their false stories, not challenging their poor judgement, not responding to their anger, etc, you get the picture. It's the real 'care" in caregiving of a dementia patient.... at least in the first stages. Also the connection and comfort of physical touch if he will allow any, even the smallest touch of a hand on the shoulder or back is a comforting connection.

Members here have been kind to me and reached out with offers to let me vent. There are also Alzheimer's support groups. I haven't gone to one yet, but I may in the future when it gets real bad.

All my best,

bb

 

[Jasonanddeonna]

Sounds like you and your Dad are doing things right.

We help our kids as best we can while we're raising them - and if we're lucky, they'll be the ones helping us when we start to decline.

My wife and I just went through the loss of her Mom. Absolutely grueling at times, both physically and emotionally. But helping JoAnn as she declined and then passed is probably one of the most noble things I've ever done.

Hang in there with your Dad. It's one of the toughest experiences in life, to begin to take care of our parents. But you'll be glad you were there for him.

You might be helping him in various ways for a long while. Hopefully you two will make a lot of good memories as you go forward.

+1
It is extremely emotional and hard to see our parents, the ones who cared, provided, loved, and were strong for us throughout most of our lives, decline from that and now need the support. Show him the man he raised by being there for him and TELL HIM with words, hugs, stories of how he impacted yor life, and actions often. This may not be considered manly, but I can't think of any father that would not want this or be grateful to know. It's going to help you as well when he forgets or passes and you have these memories to hold.

 

[Jasonanddeonna]

I can relate in several ways:

Tho my dad hadn't had a gun since he was a kid, it was a terrible thing to witness his decline during terminal liver cancer. Tho he didn't mind dying at 85, he was estranged from my mom, I had to put him in a care facility (which he had always been terrified of having to do), and his wife of 60yrs never once reached out to him. He cried and cried. It was so hard to see this tough, strict, obstinent, domineering, unemotional man break down. Crap.

And my wife's dad died from Alzheimer's. One of her cousins died from Alzheimer's. Now my wife has dementia and is no longer the person I married. It's my turn to go thru being a caregiver to one that is suffering with dementia. I had to take her handguns away and tho I haven't removed guns completely from our home, it will eventually come to that.

Hang in there. Love is the answer. Swallowing our own emotions is necessary when dealing with the frustration and disappointment, but love is an emotion you can still let out. Tho it is hard sometimes for men to express love, there are other ways to show it, like not correcting their mistakes, not correcting their false stories, not challenging their poor judgement, not responding to their anger, etc, you get the picture. It's the real 'care" in caregiving of a dementia patient.... at least in the first stages. Also the connection and comfort of physical touch if he will allow any, even the smallest touch of a hand on the shoulder or back is a comforting connection.

Members here have been kind to me and reached out with offers to let me vent. There are also Alzheimer's support groups. I haven't gone to one yet, but I may in the future when it gets real bad.

All my best,

bb

bbbass, I agree and am so sorry to hear about the love of your life and what the two of you are going through. Join the support group, arrange for some in home care to be able to take a break for your own well being on a weekly basis, interact with family and friends, and as you stated, "LOVE HER." This is going to stretch that love, so hold onto all the love, memories, and time together to help it grow.

 

[bbbass]

bbbass, I agree and am so sorry to hear about the love of your life and what the two of you are going through. Join the support group, arrange for some in home care to be able to take a break for your own well being on a weekly basis, interact with family and friends, and as you stated, "LOVE HER." This is going to stretch that love, so hold onto all the love, memories, and time together to help it grow.

Thank you!!!

 

[ageingstudent]

I can relate in several ways:

Tho my dad hadn't had a gun since he was a kid, it was a terrible thing to witness his decline during terminal liver cancer. Tho he didn't mind dying at 85, he was estranged from my mom, I had to put him in a care facility (which he had always been terrified of having to do), and his wife of 60yrs never once reached out to him. He cried and cried. It was so hard to see this tough, strict, obstinent, domineering, unemotional man break down. Crap.

And my wife's dad died from Alzheimer's. One of her cousins died from Alzheimer's. Now my wife has dementia and is no longer the person I married. It's my turn to go thru being a caregiver to one that is suffering with dementia. I had to take her handguns away and tho I haven't removed guns completely from our home, it will eventually come to that.

Hang in there. Love is the answer. Swallowing our own emotions is necessary when dealing with the frustration and disappointment, but love is an emotion you can still let out. Tho it is hard sometimes for men to express love, there are other ways to show it, like not correcting their mistakes, not correcting their false stories, not challenging their poor judgement, not responding to their anger, etc, you get the picture. It's the real 'care" in caregiving of a dementia patient.... at least in the first stages. Also the connection and comfort of physical touch if he will allow any, even the smallest touch of a hand on the shoulder or back is a comforting connection.

Members here have been kind to me and reached out with offers to let me vent. There are also Alzheimer's support groups. I haven't gone to one yet, but I may in the future when it gets real bad.

All my best,

bb

Thank you. I appreciate your candor. I went through this with 3 of my 4 grandparents. It is rough. As much as I care about my dad...God help me when Mom goes.

 

[bbbass]

Thank you. I appreciate your candor. I went through this with 3 of my 4 grandparents. It is rough. As much as I care about my dad...God help me when Mom goes.

The old saying "getting old(er) is an extreme sport" has never been more true as our loved ones are living longer lives. I feel for ya!!!

 

[ageingstudent]

On a brighter note for this thread he's agreed to try some medication. It took a lot of convincing. He's still not completely convinced he's seeing things. Sometimes he argues with my mom and they haven't seen each other in 25 years .

Confession...

You all know I have a pretty weird sense of humor...not going to lie I have to stuff a giggle down when I'm talking to him and he turns away from me suddenly and starts talking to my mom who isn't there. Then he looks back at me and says, "Can you believe that S?"



Mirth amidst sorrow. Can't loose your sense of humor and empathy.