Question regarding Family Law: Guardians split on where child should live.

[Member 5605]

I start this by a preface of: if it is a no no topic, close. If we are good: I thank you all, there is a LOT of wisdom on this board.

I am not looking for sympathy. Nope none what so ever. Looking for a definitive answer because... well... I'm at my wits end with this bubblegum.



If you know do tell, if you know who does know... I need to know the answer to one question.

---------------------------------------------
If two people who have legal guardianship (grandparents of the child) cannot agree where the child should live, can either of the parents (who have nothing negative in their lives to prevent them from having the child) take the child since one grandparent says yes to allow the child to live with them while the other does not.
---------------------------------------------

Backstory:
I was 17 when my son was born. Guardianship was given to his grandparents (my parents), so he could be on their insurance and not on Oregon Health Plan. Deal was made when either of us (me or his bio-mom) were stable we could have him. Childs grandparents have since been divorced, both of which still have guardianship. Child is now 13. I have been fighting for him for the last 9 years. I have not had the finances to take this to court. Basically, there is nothing legally in my life that should prevent either of my parents from releasing their guardianship. My father says "Take the boy", while the other 1/12374th of my life says: "I'm a bubblegum and I won't let you have him because I want control over you". So since I have allowed one of the childs grandparents to burn the bridge with me in their life I could care less and have removed them from my life (except the dealing with them to pickup/drop off child). He has had issues where he goes to school and has had to be home schooled, has had CUTTING issues, was turned against me at one point, manipulated, and verbally abused. Once when I went to pick him up 6 years ago the police were called because she spoke over the phone to the BCSO dispatch about "his father is here and is trying to take him.. I have guardianship.." There were 2 cars that showed up at the house and another 3 that were covering all of the exit routes from the property.

So legally, where is the standpoint?


Two legal guardians who are split on where the child should be........................ Any recourse to me if I just don't return him........ I'm sick of not having my son living with us.

If you are a lawyer, and require a fee, what's your rate? Looking for a legal precident to have for reference.

Read More

 

[Benihaus]

Ouch, I got nothing other than keep your head up and straight, no matter what happens you have to keep up the fight to get your kid.

 

[Sun195]

Sounds like something that needs to be done through the courts. Maybe check with these folks for help? LASO

 

[Member 5605]

Thanks Sun, I had no idea this existed.

 

[Will]

Ouch, I got nothing other than keep your head up and straight, no matter what happens you have to keep up the fight to get your kid.

That is the route to Go, if they are anything like the service hee in WA they will provide you a direction to go. Be prepared to open up your life to them and the courts. 22 years ago I wanted custody of my 2 year old son, his Mom was a party girl and left him where ever she could. I couldn't afford legal rep but found a service like this in WA. It took time but before my son's 3rd birthday I had custody. I thought explaining to my son why he was going to now live with me would be hard, I told him he wasn't staying for the weekend, he was staying for good. That is as far as I got before he freaked out, he said "Mom said you didn't want me, I knew she wrong!" My son is 24 now, a fine young man that I am proud of. Recently my son said "you gave up a lot to raise me", there is some truth in that, all the same I got a lot more from being a farther than I would have gotten from any other ambition in life, it truly made me a better man. He now gets that and when he has kids will know what it is to be a farther.

It's worth the effort if it's truly what you want but the work doesn't stop after you get custody, being a parent is a huge responsibility and shouldn't be taken lightly.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Mutoman]

Are you or your son able to be represented by a tribe? Many have special programs that can help with these types of issues.

 

[Member 5605]

Negative.

I have basically hit a stalemate. He told me on our vacation that he didn't want to live with me.

A 13 year old can't rationally make that decision without being F-'d in the head from somebody manipulating.. Why fight when he will hate me for it.

 

[The B]

I am not a lawyer, but I do have a large chunk of a law degree...

The court is going to favor the parents, so long as there's no reason not to. What's momma doing? I'm gonna guess the only reason you're not your son's guardian is because you haven't filed.

To the courthouse with you, young man. You in WashCo? Should be free to file, for this sort of thing.

 

[Will]

Negative.

I have basically hit a stalemate. He told me on our vacation that he didn't want to live with me.

A 13 year old can't rationally make that decision without being F-'d in the head from somebody manipulating.. Why fight when he will hate me for it.

Look into counciling for you and him, expect there are some issues that can be worked out. The same site that was mentioned can help with that as well I bet.

 

[Member 5605]

Actually, the paperwork that was signed says "permanent".. nothing temporary about it.
I filed a petition with the court and their reply basically was "get a lawyer". go figure.

I even went as far as to just not return him.

He started to be a little bubblegum when he realized he wasn't going back and actually went as far as to take my wifes phone into the room and lock himself in there to call his "nana"......

 

[RVTECH]

A 13 year old can't rationally make that decision without being F-'d in the head

I agree but not for every situation. Take mine for example. I was divorced for four years when I got a strange call at work from a counselor with a strange story. My then 8 year old daughter claimed at school her "Mother's husband hit her" I was not notified right away because my ex feared for her husband (from me). He was picked up at work, CSO & school involvement - you name it. Turns out she drew a 'bruise' on her arm with a pen and made the claim about being hit. Oddly it took my ex to discover it was just ink when she did the finger lick and started rubbing it. Long story short. All claims were dropped provided I stayed under control, we sought independent counseling to work it out. Turns out this was easy for the counselor to see through - my daughter was trying to get her mother to understand she had virtually no respect for her mothers' husband because she was attempting to turn him into some sort of 'surrogate' father, which was a place HE was very uncomfortable with as he never had any children of own so the poor guy was between a rock and a hard spot. Conclusion? Daughter admitted she wanted to come and live with dad during a secretly filmed private session with her and the counselor. My ex did not contest it, and I found out later she had many private sessions with the counselor and I suspect he favored this decision - and probably promoted it. Fast forward 10 years and daughter is a beautiful and intelligent young woman, gave me zero problems through school (3.8 GPA) works for the Central Oregon Boys and Girls Club and will be starting college next year to pursue something in medicine. Sometimes we need to hear, and listen to the child. This is the very condensed version of what was a long, drawn out situation but I got the long and short of it across.