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Pure Genius

Discussion in 'General Firearm Discussion' started by bikejunkie, Mar 2, 2012.

  1. bikejunkie

    bikejunkie Salem Well-Known Member

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    AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST AD
    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
    Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
    ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi, Alex
     
  2. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    mjbskwim and (deleted member) like this.
  3. bikejunkie

    bikejunkie Salem Well-Known Member

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    I don't care- it was the first time I had seen it and it made me laugh so I re-posted it. I realize it's almost assuredly untrue but that doesn't make it any less humorous
     
  4. NCW Ray

    NCW Ray Sunny Eastern Washington Active Member

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    :laugh: I still get a laugh out of that every time I read it!
     
  5. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    Oh, I agree it's funny. I too got a good laugh out of it the first time I read it. One of those things that isn't true, but you wish it was.
     
  6. rolandson

    rolandson Oregon Active Member

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    Oh, the vet home from Afghanistan is a new twist to this one...I liked it better without.
     
  7. MrNiceGuy

    MrNiceGuy between springfield and shelbyville Well-Known Member

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  8. ATCclears

    ATCclears Seattle area, WA Well-Known Member

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  9. Jammer Six

    Jammer Six North Greenlake, Seattle New Member

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    I don't see that letter as anything to laugh about, or celebrate. But then I understand right and wrong.
     
  10. Mikej

    Mikej Portland Gold Supporter Gold Supporter 2015 Volunteer 2016 Volunteer

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    Oohh MAN......I thought it was real. How dissapointing!

    Mike
     
    Jammer Six and (deleted member) like this.