Parents Say I am Not Welcome Thanksgiving Because I have Guns.. What To Do??

[hermannr]

My FIL died in 1973, my dad died in 1988, My MIL died in 2000 and my mom in 2001. And I will say this.

Your mom will NOT throw you out because you came armed, just call her stupid little liberal bluff. I would call down there and say, ok, I have made up my mind...if you do not want me to visit, just because of what I am wearing, I guess I must assume my visiting is not that important to you. I will be calling my brother and inviting him to Thanksgiving with me.

They will stutter, and they will backstep...if not, I would not go. They have obviously chosen their priorities what their priorities do not include you....crude and harsh, but that is reality guy.

One (of 5) of my SIL's is an Anti-gun libtard and He knows, no gun, no grandpa. He absolutely hated the idea that I have his daughters absolutely loving to shoot with me, but he has given up fighting it head on...And yes, I do open carry when we visit them. Am I a bit "in your face"? no, my openly carried sidearm is part of my daily apparel, just like some put on a watch or glasses...it is part of me and who I am.

He bought one of his daughter's a Bow (and everything that goes with it) Now he is shooting the bow when they come visit...next...my guns...

BTW: we have 5 daughters, all married, and 14 grandchildren...oldest grandchild is married, second oldest could get married (she is in college), but hasn't found the right guy yet, 4 of our grandchildren are in high school... I think I know a bit about being a parent and grandparent...and how women think...been married to one for almost 45 years now, and raised 5 daughters...

Invite your Mom and dad to go shooting with you...I am not kidding, the best way to combat an anti is to remove the mystery of the unknown.

 

[Botte Hork]

Lots of outspoken opinions, and others ridiculing opinions, the joys of the internet.

I think nobody but 4freedom can judge the situation best and decide. He's the guy who knows the situation and his own values best. I'd say, make a list to make clear what the inputs to the decision are, value them and decide. It sounds stupid, but in complex situations going back to the drawing board can bring a solution you're happy with quickly.

What do we have and you need to weigh in terms of importance:
1) Parents are quite anti-gun.
2) You are very pro-gun.
3) Thanksgiving is a nice opportunity to spend with family.
4) Your business could use you not spending time off with family.


How important are your parents' convictions to you? How important are your own convictions to you? How do they weigh against each other? How important is spending time with your family to you? How important is your business to you?* Also, your parents and your 2A points of view conflict and it appears your parents are becoming more outspoken. Are you willing to give in a bit? Maybe not carry at all, keep it in the car, carry something small? How willing are they to give in? Can you speak calmly about it with them (calm is the keyword) and see if they are ok with you carrying? What about the solutions mentioned earlier in the topic, like keeping it in the car (which in principle keeps you as unarmed (and unsafe) as they are) but getting it while sleeping? Also, are you willing to not engage in and can you step out of discussions going to 2A and politics? Are they willing to do the same?** If the subject can be left alone, it'll allow for less tension during the day(s) you're there. In case you have a gun you can carry invisibly, like a pocket gun, could you do that? With something like a wallet-style holster that in your pocket just looks like a wallet?

Anyway, there are a few things you need to weigh against each other, and some other factors that come in. I think one of the more important questions is how evangelical you all are about your views and whether the missionary work can be left alone for some days for the sake of peace on earth. Or at least at your parents' place.


By the way, my wife is Belarussian too and we got married there. We visited Khatyn, which is a very very beautiful memorial for all villages that got eradicated by the nazis in WW2. I saw this photoseries which was taken in wintertime: Khatyn Memorial, Belarus « The Velvet Rocket and I also attached two pictures (both taken on good ol' film with a Horizon rotating panoramic camera, so close to the edges you see straight parts bend and nothing is tack sharp but it's all in the zone of "acceptable sharpness".... switched to digital and I do miss film. More of a hassle to use, but sort of instantly nice images. That's why I seem to play more with my $150 Polaroid from the 60s than my significantly pricier digital set ) of the statue and a slightly bigger part of the monument. What you don't really see is that there are 186 stones, 1 for each village that got wiped out and I thought (but probably mistakenly so) that there was a flame next to each one. The monument is surprisingly free from Soviet propaganda and looks very understated, which makes it so much more powerful and a very humbling experience to visit. I've also seen the WW2 memorial in east-Berlin, which was put up by the Soviets after the war and it's full of ugly propaganda. Oh well. In any case, the Belarussians have been on the receiving end of the stick for a lot of history.









* As a side note: Parents get older and one day will not be there anymore. How much work can you do in your business that would save it? I can understand if there's production waiting for you and you're understaffed already, but spending the extended holiday weekend just pushing papers around fretting over the financial situation often only impacts yourself.... negatively. As you understand, I'm leaning to spending time with your family, but this is purely in the business/family tradeoff. I didn't want to push my views through the discussion above. Another thing to keep in mind: Very few men have said on their deadbeds "I wish I'd spent more time in the office".



** My family is European and I am fairly fresh to the US, but they do understand my 2A stance. I found that being able to explain calmly helped. My mom will visit us over christmas and new year for about 6 weeks, so I don't want her to freak out about guns in the house anyway. Our political views also differ so strongly, that I find in general the subject is best left alone. I have some liberal friends in the liberal SF bay area. Great people, but we just strongly disagree on politics. We just don't discuss it, as it's a fruitless venture for either one of us and mostly leaves frustration.

 

[xlsbob]

Anybody else here notice that the same original post is on The High Road also ? Must be needing a lot of advice/attention.

 

[Hook686]

Sounds like maybe you are really trying to prove to them and yourself that you are really on your own. Why get into a gun argument with your parents if you know their position ? Either conceal and don't talk about guns, or find someplace else to go talk about guns. Seems simple enough. My folks don't know what is in my pockerts, and I don't tell them. Why start trouble ?

 

[jimboshooter]

Buy a life sized chocolate replica of a gun and open carry to the house. When they confront you, pull it out and eat it. Probably best not to eat the barrel first. That could cause some greif and hysteria. From then on they will just assume your gun is always made of chocolate and they won't bother you.

This link is a company that sells a life size Glock chocolate gun: <broken link removed> $30.

Disclaimer - I do not have a good relationship with family. So, be careful when applying family advice from me.

 

[Burt Gummer]

Family is way overrated, but I would just leave the gun in the car; done; then go in and listen to all the pretentious BS and boring stories - get it over with - and leave.

 

[4Freedom]

Wow, I am blown away by the responses.. Some of them made me want to cry.. Yeah, I posted it on High Road too , because I thought I just get a few reponses, not 100s.. The stories and feelings people have shared have also just really struck a nerve in me.

Yeah, I think about how my parents are aging all the time and I felt sad when I told them I wasn't going to come. The whole thing about forbidding guns just left such a sour feeling in my stomach, it seemed to outweigh anything at the time. As I said the election probably compounded the bitterness of all of it and maybe I would have not been quite so edgy if things didn't turn out as they did. But, I slept on it and had a new feeling the next day , especially after reading the posts.


Well, I can say this situation may have a happy ending.. My parents say they will come up to Seattle from Portland for Thanksgiving with my brother. I told them I would be willing to come, but they say now they want to come here, because they and my brother would get bored in Portland for the 8 days he is staying and that they would like to see Seattle. They got a real good deal at a decent motel not far from me. So, I didn't argue with that and I think it will work out better for all of us. We will probably go out to a Thanksgiving buffet. Now, I can actually attend the Thanksgiving meal, armed without guilt .

However, I will say, after reading these posts.. If they weren't going to come up for Thanksgiving, I probably would have gone down there and left my guns in my car. Except, as some people say, I do carry a Ruger LCR in my pocket with a Mika Holster and probably would have just carried that and left my full-sized handgun in the car or garage. Maybe, I am not a good son by carrying my pocket gun with me, but they would never know and if I was caught they would not throw me out, but probably just have me unload it and put it in the car. I know sooner or later I am going to have to visit them, as they are just 2 hours from me, so I will have to take these "new no-gun rules" seriously.

I have taken my dad shooting with me and that is another reason this burns a bit more. He has went shooting with me on a few occasions, but I suppose it hasn't persuaded him to remove the brainwashing my mother instilled on him. I've also brought my mother to gun shows and thought I had desensitized her to the "evil of guns". That is another reason this whole thing struck me by surprise. As I said, my parents knew I was armed and I stayed on several occasions without any problems.

Oh well, I will say this has a happy ending this year.. THanks a lot for people sharing their advice and personal stories with me.. It has been a bit overwhelming.. I guess I struck a nerve in some people as well with my experience.

P.S. Botte Hark, the guy who went to Belarus, I may send you PM bit later and talk to you about it.. I really enjoyed seeing your pics.. I have my great grandfather's entire life story (translated to English) recorded about his life growing up in his village in Belarus.

 

[nwdrifter]

personally if my gun wasn't allowed i wouldn't go and i would tell then to call me this year or any year they change thei mind. Period end of story.

 

[gunnoob75]

If they are so quick to turn you away, you should be equally as quick to turn them away. The gun makes no difference.

"Family" is a two way street.

 

[Baggerman]

I don't post here very often but have been thinking about this thread. There are a few points I would like to make.
1) It is you parent's home and they have the right to make the rules for inside their home (the same as any of us)
2) Is there a physical threat you feel inside their home where you feel you MUST have a weapon on you?
3) Both of my parents and my older brother are gone and not a SINGLE DAY goes by that I don't wish I had just one more visit, one more hug or one more anything with them (Especially my parents). I didn't always get along with them nor did I agree with them on many different issues but they were still my mom and dad.
4)The very last thing my dad said to me before he died was "Kid don't ever sit on the couch as an old man and say gee I wish I would have". Those words ring in my ears everyday and has changed the way I do many things in my life and especially the relationships I have with my grown children.
5) Leave your gun in the car and enjoy Thanksgiving with your family is the piece of advice I would offer you.

 

[Flyingswords]

If they are so quick to turn you away, you should be equally as quick to turn them away. The gun makes no difference.

"Family" is a two way street.

Exactly.....Most of my family from my dads side are a bunch of racists. I refuse to go near them or defend them against anything that happens to them. They were badmouthing my mother. Treat my parents wrong and you will suffer one way or the other. Sure enough my dad informs me that the only time they contact him is when they need something like money for a funeral gift, etc. He sends them a card and thats it.

 

[ZA_Survivalist]

The title of this thread is misleading...

Pretty silly reason not to see family during the holidays. I dont always carry since I have an active lifestyle. Im not going to carry at the gym, on the basketball court, or in the pool. This "won't go anywhere unarmed" talk is a little over the top. If you're spending every minute of your day thinking someone is going to attack you or someone you love, you arent really living. Maybe if I was a drug dealer in Compton I would be armed at all times. Even have a gun in the shower like some of the members on the forum. Lol

... Wait, I'm the only one here with a shower gun? I do have a diving knife I keep in the shower to confuse some guests.. Most.tactical.shower.ever.

 

[Blitzkrieg]

The title of this thread is misleading...

Pretty silly reason not to see family during the holidays. I dont always carry since I have an active lifestyle. Im not going to carry at the gym, on the basketball court, or in the pool. This "won't go anywhere unarmed" talk is a little over the top. If you're spending every minute of your day thinking someone is going to attack you or someone you love, you arent really living. Maybe if I was a drug dealer in Compton I would be armed at all times. Even have a gun in the shower like some of the members on the forum. Lol

It's a little over the top until you have seen the beast firsthand.. and yes when I shower a Glock 22 is right handy and within reach

Or I suppose if the door gets kicked in by crazies I could just ask them to come back after I'm finished

 

[Swedish K]

Shower gun anyone? not sure about the cookie though...

 

[Unka-Boo]

Anybody else here notice that the same original post is on The High Road also ? Must be needing a lot of advice/attention.

Ya...I thought I was having deja vu....

 

[jp1985]

My recommendation is go to the town rent a hotel and stay the night. There see your brother that day even arrange to see him else where besides your parents house spend some time with him and then go home the following day. if your family is that much of a diehard liberal that they would impose those rules on you with an attitude of you will never carry in my house !! then i would pass on going to see them IMHO i would pass on going to see them just my 00.2 take it or leave it.

 

[22many]

I get a laugh with all the people saying "their house, their rules". Just doesn't make any sense to me. It's apparent that they can't accept you without certain stipulations. Why should you bend on your beliefs to accommodate them? What's next? Your family doesn't want you around on Christmas because you voted for romney? If they can't except you for your beliefs (gay, straight, black, white, or whatever) then it's not really considered "family" in my book.

At this point I would imagine it's not about the gun issue. Seems to me there are deeper issues between you and your family. But a downright ultimatum on a day when family is suppose to be together is just downright wrong.

Either way, it looks like it worked itself out.

 

[Wifey]

The title of this thread is misleading...

Pretty silly reason not to see family during the holidays. I dont always carry since I have an active lifestyle. Im not going to carry at the gym, on the basketball court, or in the pool. This "won't go anywhere unarmed" talk is a little over the top. If you're spending every minute of your day thinking someone is going to attack you or someone you love, you arent really living. Maybe if I was a drug dealer in Compton I would be armed at all times. Even have a gun in the shower like some of the members on the forum. Lol

I was going to post this morning but didn't for two reasons - I may have come across a bit harsh and I didn't want to cry in my coffee. This past week has been a bit tough on me as it would have been my Father's 83rd birthday.
4Freedom:
There are several posts that I would have liked to quote, the original for sure, but I don't know how to do that, so I chose this one.
My Mother passed unexpectedly 27 years ago. Soon after my Father moved from Portland to Grants Pass, which I believe was their plan once all of us kids were grown and gone. I wasn't able to get down there to see him nor was he able to come here that often, but Sunday mornings were ours on the phone. Sunday mornings are still tough.
I took my older mentally disabled brother with me when I received the call that the end was near. My Father and two other brothers had cast him as the black sheep of the family more than 27 years ago, and they hadn't seen each other since. We spent 5 days next to his bed-I couldn't say 'I love you, Dad' enough. I had three wishes...that he would not suffer; that he wait until I get there; and that I be there with him when he dies.
I received the call 9 days after we got home. I keep telling myself that 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
That was in July. On Christmas Eve that same year we got a call saying that my Father-In-Law was in the hospital. They were at that time trying to save him. Another unexpected.
I've read a lot of comments on this post about how your Father is subservant (for lack of a better term) to your Mother. They've been together/married for how long? It's their choice on how they interact-unfortunate as it is.
I perhaps missed the part where you apologized to your Father for the initial attitude? And I hope to your Mother also? If not, don't forget to slip that in somehow throughout the course of conversation at some point. I would imagine they are both a bit hurt/confused by it.
Parents matter, at least when they are aged. Opinions need to be set aside sometimes rather than argued. Parents will no longer be. Opinions will always be.
Mr. Gummer is absolutely right about family.

I am happy that you will be with your family for the holiday. I sincerely hope that you have many more with them before they go.

Wifey

 

[jonn5335]

I had a similar experience this year my whole family decided to go to Hawaii for thanksgiving this year. I know they don't understand my positions and views and rather then fight like 5 year olds the whole time I opted to stay here in WA. I asked on another forum and got replies similar to yours but I'd rather be happy in WA then misserable on an island in the sun. You know what's right for your own situation do what you feel what you need to. Hopefully your family ties are better then mine I wish you the best of luck.
Jonathan

 

[FarmerTed1971]

You're being pigheaded. Leave the heater in the car and find other things to talk about. Life is to short to quibble over things that ruin family relations. Suck it up and go be with your family.