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new member could use advice for persuading stubborn anti-gun wife

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by rufusdufus, Apr 18, 2013.

  1. rufusdufus

    rufusdufus Portland, OR New Member

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    Hey all, looking for sound advice. My wife and I plan to take our young daughter and dog out to the desert in SE Oregon this summer and I want to bring my pistol in case of the slim chance of an encounter with bad people. I never thought I needed a gun until she and I (prekids) did the same trip and a couple yahoos rolled into the campground that we'd had all to ourselves, miles from nowhere. They were ok, but I didn't want to have that worry again. So, I took some classes, picked up an XDm9 and started practicing once in a while. Yet my wife is so against bringing a weapon, she says she'd rather take separate trips. There's no way would allow her to head out there with our girl without me, but it seems stupid to have a last-ditch rescue device and leave it at home. I know its such a slim probability of trouble, but I couldn't live with myself if I was unable to protect them in a worst-case scenario.

    Of course if we got bad vibes from anybody, we would leave and avoid a confrontation, but if we got cornered, I'd want to be able to grab the pistol from under the seat and exercise deterrence or force. My offer to her would be to keep it locked in a Gunvault Nano under the seat unless we were threatened. Anybody have success on persuading a stubborn woman who thinks the world is full of only good people?
     
  2. Burt Gummer

    Burt Gummer Portland Completely Out of Ammo

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    Hide the firearm and ammo somewhere in your vehicle if you have your CHL. On your person is always best, but something is better than nothing. Lie to her. Ask any long-term married couple - marriage is about lying anyway, it goes with the territory. Better that you get ragged on about being dishonest about it sometime than have to deal with thugs while you are unarmed out in the sticks. A cutsey little family is like eye candy to them.

    "The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties."

    - Oscar Wilde
     
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  3. rufusdufus

    rufusdufus Portland, OR New Member

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    Ha, cynical, but that, barring some unanticipated rational discussions, is what I was thinking it would come to. I do have CHL licenses (that she doesn't know about) for OR and WA and will bring my IWB holster and SafePacker. Thanks for the sensible reply.

    Anybody know the magic way to bring somebody to what's possible in the sometimes bad real world? She even thinks that if there were a major disaster and mayhem, that it would be better to give away food than defend it. Ain't that some strategery? Barring that, I'll be taking Burt's advice.
     
  4. Burt Gummer

    Burt Gummer Portland Completely Out of Ammo

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    http://www.harrislawsite.com/family-law.asp?gclid=CP_d8qOY1rYCFQ5xQgodXyAA3g

    Call and speak with an Oregon Divorce Attorney today 503-648-4777. Get a FREE 15 minute consultation with an attorney - no strings attached and no waiting. Our experienced attorneys provide legal guidance in all facets of family law and divorce in Oregon.
     
  5. 3MTA3

    3MTA3 DMZ between Liberty and Tyranny Behind Enemy Lines Bronze Supporter

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    Dang, Burt, I always thought it was about sanity through selective hearing. Thanks for the tip! :laugh:
     
  6. Nightshade

    Nightshade vancouver,WA Well-Known Member

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    Buy a secondary pistol keep it to your self make you both happy. stay married..lol
     
  7. Brutus57

    Brutus57 Skagit County Well-Known Member

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    I have a t-shirt that has the 12 REASONS GUNS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN.... for example you can trade a 44 for two 22s and its ok, Your friend won't mind you shooting his..... and so forth. But seriously, my wife is similar anti-gun as she and a friend walked in when they were young on another friend who'd blown his brains out. But she is coming around. I am going to take her to a range, definitely look in to a safety course with her and take it with, refreshers are always good and I was 9 when I took my first hunter safety course. Its a matter of patience and education. Be logical, loving and respectful.
    Brutus Out
     
  8. solv3nt

    solv3nt Portland Well-Known Member

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    Have you taken her shooting? My wife used to be a dirty hippy, and I took her shooting. First time out, she shot a Glock 40, last time out she shot an AK and a 357 magnum, she's converted. If you've already gotten a CCL behind her back, for two states mind you, I would just bring it.

    When I'm asked why I carry, I tell them this:
    I carry for the same reason that I have a smoke detector.
    I carry for the same reason that I have a fire extinguisher.
    I carry for the same reason that I have tools and snow chains in my truck at all times.
    I carry, for the infinitesimally small chance that I'll need it, I'd rather have it than have left it at home. It is a tool for my safety, and the safety of my family. The odds of ever having to use it is small, but I would rather be prepared than not. Best of luck with the anti! Errr.... wife....
     
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  9. rufusdufus

    rufusdufus Portland, OR New Member

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    I'vs told her I want to take her shooting, but we are just making it past a crazy demanding and difficult time in our family life where only essential activities we possible. So, I hope that she will agree to it in the near future. It just has been far from a priority for her and no amount of relationship political capital was enough. However, she really wants a new car, so if I agree to that...
     
  10. solv3nt

    solv3nt Portland Well-Known Member

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    Good luck with the negotiations, make sure to start her out on a .22 or something small... That said, I actually started my wife out on the Glock 40, took her a few mags to get used to it, but she loved it after that. The last time out, she even torched off two rounds of full-house loads for my 44 mag (she didn't like that so much).
     
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  11. Rotty

    Rotty Skagit County Active Member

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    Now that is Advice better left ignored!! Burt stick to guns and leave the marriage counsel to someone better qualified!!
     
  12. Rotty

    Rotty Skagit County Active Member

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    How much training do you actually have?
     
  13. rick benjamin

    rick benjamin USA, Or, Damascus Secure the drama Silver Supporter 2016 Volunteer

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    Married 32+ years now.
    Back in '81 before the "I do's", she felt safe because I was a Marine.....
    After the cerimonial dust settled, she asked "what's in the safe?"
    A few weeks later, she shot a DCM match, 5th out of 23 women.
    Said that was fine but that's all for her.

    Stand your ground.
    Don't make a big deal about it.
    Go shoot with your friends, etc.

    Get two of these, one for the car, one for the bedroom.
    GunVault Nanovault NV100 - Walmart.com Holds a sub-compact pistol
    GunVault NV200 Nanovault - Walmart.com Holds a Colt 1911 and a mag
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2013
  14. Bodyguard

    Bodyguard Portland Member 2016 Volunteer

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    Something to think about is finding a woman's shooting group and have her talk to them on hy they shoot. I know of a couple of women who have changed their minds about firearms and the necessity of having one for "just in case" scenarios and are now active shooters training for those scenarios.
     
  15. lowly monk

    lowly monk Beaverton, Oregon. Just a guy. Bronze Supporter

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    That's why your single burt. Be strong and honest, Iv'e been married for 7 years and it has been working very well. We get along because we talk.
     
  16. lowly monk

    lowly monk Beaverton, Oregon. Just a guy. Bronze Supporter

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    Bro, Be strong. Your the man of the house. She will actually appreciate this. What you do is your decision.
     
  17. rufusdufus

    rufusdufus Portland, OR New Member

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    Thanks again all, great comments and questions. I like the idea of getting her involved with other women shooters. That's along the lines I was thinking, since my perspective apparently isn't yet shared by her.

    Rotty, great question, training is minimal, basic intro class, CHL class, some infrequent but intentional practice at the range (retention to point shooting exercises, but no moving or fast shooting or holster work), so yes, totally weak should a real situation ever occur. My saving grace would lie in my Krav Mata training, just in terms of coordination and a little stress innoculation. Krav was an agreed upon prerequisite to guns (we both thought it was a good idea) and its been baby steps all the way. I keep no ammo in the house and the pistol frame stays locked up while the slide and barrel live in a safe deposit box. This is what it took to get some of my way after many years of me working up to it and her saying "Hell no" for a long time. I'm really wanting defensive pistol training, but my local spot isn't scheduling any classes due to the ammo shortage. I need to call a different, more expensive location I guess. Maybe the Clackamas Safety
     
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  18. rick benjamin

    rick benjamin USA, Or, Damascus Secure the drama Silver Supporter 2016 Volunteer

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  19. 20buellteam

    20buellteam Near van mall Member

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    Solv3nt absolutely nailed it. It's a safety thing first and foremost. Sell it that way. That being said, I personally lean stronger toward a fear of an accident with the kids and grand kid so I've locked my stuff up tight (I am as serious and paranoid about accidents as it gets ) for over 30 years knowingly at the expense my access ability in time of emergency but that's just me. That said, I still remember as a child one evening when dad was working late, my mother fending off an intruder who was breaking into our home through the kitchen door with my dad's Ruger single six screaming that she had a gun and she knew how to use it. What the burglar never knew because he ran off, was that mom never handled it much, she was shaking so bad that the cylinder had dropped to the floor and the shells were rolling around her feet.
    Fast forward to when I met my wife we dated with dinner and a movie, or a Dodger game and yes we'd go Plinking and target shooting too. it's been one of our pastimes (like camping)for us ever since. She has firearms she calls her own and brags of out shooting me and recently inhereted a Derringer that she and mom took shooting years ago. She appreciated that more than any jewelery or heirloom. Just trying to drive home the safe responsible ownership side as well as home defense.
    Lastly try the trade idea mentioned previously on this forum. A new car ehh? That' worth a new safe and the makings of a collection for the both of you. Good luck and don't give up.
     
  20. chainsaw

    chainsaw East side of Or. Active Member

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    Don't let your guard down out here on the dry side either.lots of desolation,just what the meth cooks like.We don't have near the violent crime out here that the valley has,but it does happen.I've lived in Lakeview for 40 years and I never go out of town unarmed.Not only do you have to worry about the occational criminal,but there are a surprising amount of cougars out here.Not just in the forested areas either.They're out here in the sage brush too.
     
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