How to train a wayward parrot, Thanksgiving style…

[Oro]

You can likely get some good mileage out of this incident at your Thanksgiving table…

I was visiting a friend of mine last week; he'd volunteered to take a Navy buddy's pet parrot while he was on WESTPAC cruise now. Problem was, this parrot swore like a - well, like a sailor. I mean it was bad; I heard it. "FOUR BELLS AND F&&K THE GUNNER'S MATE!" Just a sample. I mean terrible stuff, nonstop. While I was there, he got angry and embarrassed and grabbed up the parrot, opened the freezer door and just shoved him and slammed it.

"You'll kill that parrot," I said. He said he just wanted to teach him a lesson - he'd get him out in 10 minutes. And he did. When the bird came out, it was all sweetness and light.

"Polly's a pretty bird! Polly's a pretty bird!"
"Good Morning, Good morning!"

"Now that's more like it!" My friend said. But then a shocker. The parrot asked:
"Sir, may I ask you a question?' Shocked as heck, he said, "Yes?"

The parrot said: "May I ask, what did that turkey in the freezer do to piss you off?"

Read More

 

[Alexx1401]

You can likely get some good mileage out of this incident at your Thanksgiving table…

I was visiting a friend of mine last week; he'd volunteered to take a Navy buddy's pet parrot while he was on WESTPAC cruise now. Problem was, this parrot swore like a - well, like a sailor. I mean it was bad; I heard it. "FOUR BELLS AND F&&K THE GUNNER'S MATE!" Just a sample. I mean terrible stuff, nonstop. While I was there, he got angry and embarrassed and grabbed up the parrot, opened the freezer door and just shoved him and slammed it.

"You'll kill that parrot," I said. He said he just wanted to teach him a lesson - he'd get him out in 10 minutes. And he did. When the bird came out, it was all sweetness and light.

"Polly's a pretty bird! Polly's a pretty bird!"
"Good Morning, Good morning!"

"Now that's more like it!" My friend said. But then a shocker. The parrot asked:
"Sir, may I ask you a question?' Shocked as heck, he said, "Yes?"

The parrot said: "May I ask, what did that turkey in the freezer do to piss you off?"

My Wife had laughed at that joke many times because we have a Macaw. He has quite a vocabulary and almost all of it he picks up from her since she is hands down his favorite person. She often will drop F bombs and for over 2 decades now I have been shocked the damn bird has not started joining her when she does. She would DIE if the bird did start doing that at an inconvenient time

 

[Flopsweat]

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida ...

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote:
"Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
Love, Mama

 

[Flopsweat]

Analysts are still unsure why, but Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler have announced a merger. The new company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.