How to build better nerves?

[Bushman]

How do you suggest one builds better nerves? I've been through self defense situations and lawsuits, and came out on top. I feel I either have PTSD or am aware of the dangers out there and the reality of how easily it can happen.

So how do I get better nerves? As a result of my encounters, I now have surveillance in and outside my home, a dual sided dash cam, several body cams for different purposes, etc. I'm prepared with evidence.

Case in point, I have a tenant/former tenant that is disputing their deposit refund. They lie in every email and text. I have proof they left behind all kinds of stuff, a pool, BBQ, etc. and yet even via email they claim they never left any such thing behind. They instead claim I told them I would give them a refund, etc.

While I logically know I have a mountain of evidence against these people, I get really stressed out about it. I suppose the potential to be sued for BS reasons would make anyone stressed out while in a high paying/demand job, full time MBA program and four rentals, but still. How can I be more balanced? Nerves of steel so to speak? That fearless calm?

Read More

 

[DieselScout]

It sounds like you need to talk to someone about how you handle stress. I am not suggesting a mental heath professional, like you have a problems, but someone who can teach some tools to handle what you are going through. I have battleded stress and worrying my entire life and it has taken me along time to get a handle on. I spoke with my doctor and she gave me some simple meditation techniques to handle it. The biggest change for me is being able to realize what I can and cannot effect.

Best of luck.

EDIT: You don't want a fearless calm. Fear is a good and natural feeling, it keeps you in check and makes you think twice. Coping with fear is what you need to learn.

 

[Bushman]

It sounds like you need to talk to someone about how you handle stress. I am not suggesting a mental heath professional, like you have a problems, but someone who can teach some tools to handle what you are going through. I have battleded stress and worrying my entire life and it has taken me along time to get a handle on. I spoke with my doctor and she gave me some simple meditation techniques to handle it. The biggest change for me is being able to realize what I can and cannot effect.

Best of luck.

EDIT: You don't want a fearless calm. Fear is a good and natural feeling, it keeps you in check and makes you think twice. Coping with fear is what you need to learn.

Yes, where did I read that? Gavin DeBecker? The Gift of Fear? The reality is that it's good, but I have a clear cut case here. I've even had allegations against me at work and I KNEW I had the emails to prove their lies. Still I lost sleep over it for days. In the end I was proven to be right and the accuser was "slapped on the wrist" for their lies, nobody would believe them now that they cried wolf, but still. It's the INJUSTICE and the insanity. The fact that people are this stupid. Like this tenant. He just claimed via email that he didn't leave a pool or grill behind, despite my having pictures of it with date, time and GPS coordinates in the picture, though he admitted that he did leave a bunch of other stuff I had mentioned to him behind, which I also have pictures of. He makes all kinds of idiotic claims. Frankly it boggles my mind. He's probably out at one of the protests in California right now.

 

[DieselScout]

Yes, where did I read that? Gavin DeBecker? The Gift of Fear? The reality is that it's good, but I have a clear cut case here. I've even had allegations against me at work and I KNEW I had the emails to prove their lies. Still I lost sleep over it for days. In the end I was proven to be right and the accuser was "slapped on the wrist" for their lies, nobody would believe them now that they cried wolf, but still. It's the INJUSTICE and the insanity. The fact that people are this stupid. Like this tenant. He just claimed via email that he didn't leave a pool or grill behind, despite my having pictures of it with date, time and GPS coordinates in the picture, though he admitted that he did leave a bunch of other stuff I had mentioned to him behind, which I also have pictures of. He makes all kinds of idiotic claims. Frankly it boggles my mind. He's probably out at one of the protests in California right now.

So are you looming to manage stress or looking for legal advice, because its starting to sound like you need a lawyer.

 

[No_Regerts]

I used to have similar issues early in my career. My first critical incidents cause sleepless nights and lots of empty cans of Copenhagen. Its learning the process that has eased my mind. It "slows down" my brain knowing what happens and how the process works. I'd consult an attorney with experience and a good reputation.

 

[Vorpalis]

What DieselScout said: are you looking for advice on managing stress / PTSD / bad memories / etcetera, or are you needing a lawyer? If it's the latter, I'm not the right person, but if it's the former, I can tell you what's helped me.

 

[Lilhigbee]

While some stress is unavoidable, some is also self-inflicted. For someone who sees themselves as having trouble dealing with it, the self-inflicted stress should be adamantly avoided. Case-in-point- your rentals. Having rentals is stressful, there is no doubt. Perhaps you should consider investing in something else?? I have three rentals myself so I know what you are talking about. I have a couple of ideas that can aid your current situation if you want them, and may make things simpler in the future too. As far as your work situation, injustice and insanity are part of dealing with other people. In the end you were right and you were vindicated. Try to keep that as a soothing mantra whenever things get too stressful.

Or

Stress Management
Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

There now, feeling better?

I know I can do this!! Bet you can too!

 

[Bushman]

Managing stress. Again, I'm the guy who drives with a dash cam and a body cam when I'm out and about. Sure would have saved me a lot of headache in the past in civil suits that I won after years of litigation, but not without years of hassle and BS.

That's the thing, it's sooooo easy for someone to just sue someone, and soooo easy for people to do all kinds of things to you, and very difficult to get the authorities to do something about it.

I guess in a sense it's a good thing as I'm no prepared with a dash cam and body cams, so I have proof of who is at fault and deflecting blame. I can only imagine what Police must go through with all the BS slung their way by lying criminals. But man, protection optimizations sure take their toll stress wise. At least they have unions backing them. We all know that if we ever ran into a shooting situation we would all face a legal battle as well, as did Zimmerman. The man was purely a political prosecution, to serve someones career.

In any case, how do you handle stress like I've described? How do you build nerves of steel?

 

[Bushman]

Maybe I need to workout more like I used to in my twenties? It's rare that I get my heart rate up anymore unless I'm stressed, perhaps why it feels so unusual to me now.

I will say I'm super stressed, very high paying six figure job, full time MBA program (alllmost done) and four rentals. Ugh. Stick a fork in me. I long for the days I had just one house, wasn't in school, and my biggest problem was annoyances at work. Now I have constant demands, complaints, issues, legal, civil, you name it. But I don't think it's the amount of stress that affects me so much as the type. I felt OK until these tenants. These tenants are clearly delusional, and lie at every turn. Thank God they have moved on, but the dispute over their rent and deposit continues. They have no legal leg to stand on. But they claim they do, and are making up all kinds of bogus claims. I don't know if it's an attempt to intimidate me into submission or if they really think they have a case.

I purposely send all their calls to voice mail, conducting all communication with them via email and text to document. I also save their voice mails. I have pictures with date/time stamps, GPS coordinates and a mountain of evidence against them, yet they keep coming up with these delusional claims like they have serious mental issues. Sadly, I know that although I have a solid case against them, if they get a liberal judge or one of their own type, they may have a chance. The reality is our justice system isn't fair. I guess that realization makes me afraid.

Perhaps it's just time to cash out my chips, leave the casino and go cruising in the Tropics? Real estate market is cooling anyways, and I'm tired of working. I can go have fun now.

 

[308]

Sounds like you are suffereing from hyper vigilance whether real or self induced, only you know.

Are you afraid? Fear is usually a lie based upon something that has not yet happened and therefore is not based upon reality...it is only imagined. When fear and hyper vigilance rear their ugly head the brain dumps neuro chemicals to help us cope. Over time our body becomes depleted and nervousness is the first reault usually followed by depression. During depression the body attempts to recover and reproduce those lost neurochemicals. This takes energy and that is why the body ramps down. In this phase of recovery, the body needs good food...not junk, however, most tend to go for the quick fix of caffeine, sugars, energy drinks etc which have a negative effect.

The hard part is recognizing the neuro chemical dump as it begins...it is easy to feel...like adrenaline. It is easy to react, but what we need to do is respond. When we respond it is a conscious act of recognizing, and redirecting. It is the time to go relax, mediate, have prayer, veg out but not self medicate...that is a negative.

You have to feel it to heal it.

 

[billdeserthills]

I like to put things that bother me in a place where they won't bother me. It works on a mental and also a physical level, as far as you being annoyed by this idiot ex-tenant goes, it sounds like you have already decided not to pay him to go away, so there is zero reason to continue reading his e-mails--Therefore he would immediately get placed on my ignore or junk list~ that is the physical part. The fact is, if he wants to get money from you, he will need to sue you in court, so no need to read his blather. I would expect once you are no longer being bothered by continuing to read his e-mails, you will begin to forget the annoyance, that is the mental part~ You might even 'kick off' the forgetting portion by getting wasted tonight!

You must know that the only actual hold he has over you is if you lend credence to his claims, so just don't-- Find something else to do and quit letting him bother you

 

[jbett98]

As a former landlord, I found it just easier to give the ex tenant their deposit back and save myself the grief of dealing with lawyers, as that always cost me more in the long run.
There's too many ways an ex tenant can wrangle free legal help and the courts are generally pro tenant.

 

[IronMonster]

Get out and shoot more?

Seriously it sounds like you need to spend some time doing nothing, take a vacation. Stress is part of life, a certain amount of it is even healthy but if it is controlling your life maybe you need to consider if the direction you are headed is worth it. You mentioned a big money job and everything you got going on. Is it making you happy? Do you enjoy life? Money is not a bad thing but the pursuit of "more" is ruins a lot of folks.

I dont think there is an answer here, I dont think there is a pill or program that is a fix all that will make anxiety go away (although there might be some that mask it but not sure that is a good thing)

If you were my buddy and came to me and ask though I would tell you to look at time management and simplifying. Using the word "NO" more often. I doubt its a case of you not having enough nerve, Its probably more of so much on the ones you got that you are feeling the physical effects.

My recommendation for the tenets and issues is solve it. Its easy to solve. Give the guy his money and be done with it. Pick your battles. Sounds like the money is not really an issue, that its more of the principal of the thing. Look at what its costing you in your state of mind. Is it worth the thousand bucks or what ever it is to cause you this much grief? End it, be done and move on.

 

[Certaindeaf]

They are trying to get something for nothing by playing rope a dope tar baby with you in the hopes of "winning" by default/no show in court (a "claims" -lol- court.. as you know) by just wearing you out/overwhelming you with "claims".
It sounds like you just need to be more methodical in your dealings with these cases.. like a nifty program/check sheet or something linked to various actions taken over the course of events.. like videoed before and after walk-throughs.. e-mails, etc. etc.
good luck and don't let the turds get you down

 

[Certaindeaf]

Barring all this good advice, I've heard that cobra blood is good for building up the nerves. A close runner-up is tenant blood.. there's a nice kukri thread going on in the knife section.
lol

 

[rick benjamin]

Lots of advice. Lots of books.
Decide what to pick up, what to put down.
Fix the problem or don't.
Identify the issue, reduce it
Either way, get rid of "it"
one at a time.

 

[Kruel J]

Get out and shoot more?

Seriously it sounds like you need to spend some time doing nothing, take a vacation. Stress is part of life, a certain amount of it is even healthy but if it is controlling your life maybe you need to consider if the direction you are headed is worth it. You mentioned a big money job and everything you got going on. Is it making you happy? Do you enjoy life? Money is not a bad thing but the pursuit of "more" is ruins a lot of folks.

I dont think there is an answer here, I dont think there is a pill or program that is a fix all that will make anxiety go away (although there might be some that mask it but not sure that is a good thing)

If you were my buddy and came to me and ask though I would tell you to look at time management and simplifying. Using the word "NO" more often. I doubt its a case of you not having enough nerve, Its probably more of so much on the ones you got that you are feeling the physical effects.

My recommendation for the tenets and issues is solve it. Its easy to solve. Give the guy his money and be done with it. Pick your battles. Sounds like the money is not really an issue, that its more of the principal of the thing. Look at what its costing you in your state of mind. Is it worth the thousand bucks or what ever it is to cause you this much grief? End it, be done and move on.

I find balance in shooting. No joke. I have an extremely high stress job and not a huge check to go with it. But I like to shoot, and I do it fairly well. On the drive to a shooting spot, my mind still wanders with work and personal stuff. But after setting up the steel and loading the mags, it settles into shooting. It's the one thing I do where nothing else matters, where work doesn't enter my head and where I find peace. Whether pistol and plates or controlled breathing behind a decent piece of glass, I am focused on just one thing, instead of 1000 things.

I suggest finding something that calms your thoughts. Something you enjoy. Something you're good at and want to get better at.

 

[Flopsweat]

Slow down for a little bit. You're reminding me of my first heart attack. I'm not kidding.

 

[11Charlie]

Get out and shoot more?

Seriously it sounds like you need to spend some time doing nothing, take a vacation. Stress is part of life, a certain amount of it is even healthy but if it is controlling your life maybe you need to consider if the direction you are headed is worth it. You mentioned a big money job and everything you got going on. Is it making you happy? Do you enjoy life? Money is not a bad thing but the pursuit of "more" is ruins a lot of folks.

I dont think there is an answer here, I dont think there is a pill or program that is a fix all that will make anxiety go away (although there might be some that mask it but not sure that is a good thing)

If you were my buddy and came to me and ask though I would tell you to look at time management and simplifying. Using the word "NO" more often. I doubt its a case of you not having enough nerve, Its probably more of so much on the ones you got that you are feeling the physical effects.

My recommendation for the tenets and issues is solve it. Its easy to solve. Give the guy his money and be done with it. Pick your battles. Sounds like the money is not really an issue, that its more of the principal of the thing. Look at what its costing you in your state of mind. Is it worth the thousand bucks or what ever it is to cause you this much grief? End it, be done and move on.

I couldn't Agree more!!! I have recently lost my son to a tragic accident. The only things that have helped me deal with everything is doing things that I enjoy and love to do! Having a stressful and hectic job never helps but being with close friends and family doing the things that make you smile will always take the edge off. My hats off to you because talking about anything is the first step to making things better. Give the bubblegum hat his money and go blow some stuff up. Or you could do like I'm doing and self medicate by having a custom AR10 built for you. Either way I wish you luck and hope all gets better.

 

[P7M13]

Lots of great advice offered above, hopefully some of it applies to you.
Here's my mental meandering on the subject:

1. You're not talking about building better nerves, you're talking about letting go.
   • Better nerves means someone ignites a black cat firecracker near you and you don't jump out of your shoes.
2. A great friend, RIP, used to always ask, "are you gettin' any?" It took me many years to recognize the wisdom of his question. Healthy expression of your libido creates less stress.
3. It seems a s-ton of your stress is centered around your investments and wealth.
   • Hand the management of your property over to a service;
   • Get legal advice: put all your real property into a corporation. Start another company to manage all your property. You control it, but if you run it well, your assets are insulated and your personal wealth is protected. See an attorney and accountant, git-r-done.
   • Ask yourself, what do you want? What's important? See to it that you have put those things in place. I interpret your writing above that you operate in fear, that the world is not a "safe" place. It's not. Do yourself a favor, enact those things that will make you feel better knowing you might get hit by a truck tomorrow.
4. My ex used to worry about anything and everything. Some people are like that, and take some introspection to think about if you are too. Then take steps to mitigate. If it helps you, maybe you should study probabilities and read actuarial tables. Also recognize, sometimes people are just unlucky.
5. Meditate. I used to be friends with a counselor who gave up his license and now runs a meditation center. As he said, 'in all the years of practice and all the different therapeutic styles, nothing worked as well or had the lasting effect that meditation did.'
   • If you cannot quiet your mind, try something that helps assist in meditation: running, yoga, martial arts (I believe you mentioned this).
     
   • Story: Examine your personal history: Pistol shooting used to be an extremely meditative practice for me, where time would stop. In that period, I had a customer that was trying to screw me out of >$30K, and I was at the point where I was having trouble paying my bills. It was not that the amount was in dispute, I found they had the standard practice to not pay invoices until legal proceedings were initiated. I got off a contentious phone conference with them and before heading to my next meeting, took a moment to re-center myself. In that meditative moment, I was pistol shooting, slowly squeezing off rounds at the target. Everything started to calm and slow down, and as I started to squeeze off another round, the image of the target was replaced with my father's visage. He used to fook with me over money, and I hated it and him for that, but had sublimated it. It was a huge shock itself and also an epiphany. After that, I contacted my attorney, and everything with that company was done matter-of-factly and they pre-paid for everything. The lesson here, I learned what my buttons were and why my customer pushed them so easily.
6. Smoke a bowl or eat some brownies. Lots of people _hate_ pot. If you've never done it, give it a whack. I know it to be a significant anxiety reducer for many people. I cannot do it because of my work. Otherwise, I would use it sparingly.

Good luck. Anxiety sucks.