Helpfull hints for the guys

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by GunBit45, Dec 24, 2009.

  1. GunBit45

    Active Member

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    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Mrs. Samuel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION - WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”

    And last, but certainly not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.
  2. n47587


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    I worked for several years as a security officer for a chain of retail stores. Have seen some of these gags pulled, but that is a great list. Fortunatly, my wife has already learned too not take me with her.
  3. jmh119

    Hillsboro, Oregon
    Active Member

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    That's funny! Thanks for sharing.
  4. ajf1


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    The sad thing is I have done some of those and others not listed.
  5. Cougfan2

    Hillsboro, OR
    Well-Known Member

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    When my brother and I were probably about 10 and 12 years old we were in a store that was kind of like a Target store except they sold guns and hunting equipment as well as trapping supplies. My brother was fascinated with how the leg hold traps worked, so my Dad showed him how to set one. There was whole bin of them about Racoon size.

    Well, my Dad and I were looking at fishing rods and my brother had wandered off. A few minutes later he comes around the corner giggling. My Dad asked him "what's so funny" to which my brother replied, "I set all the traps and put them back in the bin". :wow: I've never seen the old man move so fast in my life! My brother got taken to the wood shed for that one. :laugh:
  6. deadeye

    Moderator Staff Member

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    Ive seen that list before,funny.

    Whats better is following someone around a store just about a half isle back,stop when they stop and so on. When they realize you are following them and they try to avoid you and speed up, keep up with them and finally catch them, pat their shoulder and yell YOUR IT! and run away.

    I had Fred Meyer security pretty upset one time, it's hillarious. Unfortunately my sister works there and when they pointed me out she yelled my name and gave me up. She thought it was funny too when she found out the story, now all the security knows what I look like but I still have fun with the new ones. You have to see me to understand why people and the security would be watching me. Now when security follows me and I notice I just walk to her office and laugh.
  7. Hawaiian

    Tigard Oregon
    Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    That was good. Thanks. :laugh:

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