help!! out of my league

[Siglvr]

31 years together here. Have bought her a lot of expensive jewelry over the years of all types, but when we were married, I did not want to buy into the Debeers diamond marketing strategies which are detailed above in others posts: I made 2 simple silver bands. One for her, one for me.

...and it was good. Still is.

 

[Burt Gummer]

"I've never been married because I do know better, but this one is different ....."

These are the words of a doomed man.

No, she is not different. EVERY single guy that gets married and is warned by friends not to do it thinks exactly that. Or after the divorce/shipwreck, they say "well, I just met the wrong one; next time it will be different."

WRONG WRONG a thousand times WRONG.

I wish you the best my friend, but if you made it to your 40s without making the mistake of getting married and just NOW are decided to do it - in the words of Mr T "I Pity the Fool."

Since you are intent on committing social and personal suicide I will say do not give 100% of yourself emotionally to this person. Retain 10% of yourself - the logical/rational side, that little voice - you will need it when the misery and eventual divorce sets in; think of it as mental insurance.

Every poor sap that gets married thinks they know more than everyone else, that their circumstances are different/special; 'you just don't understand', etc, etc.

You are obviously dead set to head for that iceberg so that will be my last comment here. Look me up post divorce and we'll swig down a couple of pints, laugh about it.

 

[Aero Denezol]

Color and Cut before Carats..

1. A colorless stone will have less yellow in it (the yellow is nitrogen trapped inside). 2. An excellent/ideal cut stone will throw light around and sparkle more.

3. Get a registered/certified stone. They have serial numbers.. These can be tracked if lost or stolen. They are also easier to insure for full value, and easier to provide proof of authenticity, if you ever have to sell or pawn..

4. Get the largest QUALITY stone you can reasonably afford, NOT the largest stone you can afford. Big difference there.

5. Most importantly, don't go into debt over it. If she doesn't like it, that's a bad sign - walk away now.

Congratulations

 

[mattdomes]

costco has some nice selections....

+1 for Costco! A while ago their diamonds ranked as high a quality as Tiffany's but at 1/5th the price.

<broken link removed>

Also check out Blue Nile for wholesale prices. Engagement Rings, Diamonds, Wedding Rings and Fine Jewelry at Blue Nile

For a local store that seems to be good: LaRog brothers

Lastly, always remember that EVERYTHING can be negotiated.

 

[fatamos33]

Go talk to "Diamond Dan" at the Clackamas Costco. He is a good guy and will help educate you on what to look for... unless you have already bought one. Costco's rings are all REALLY nice they have a high standard, and they are inexpensive compared to many other places. The thing you are kind of giving up is a warranty. I say kind of because Costco has a 100% satisfaction or money back policy. However if something happens to the ring in say 10 years you would exchange it for something else. You would also need to ship it out for at least a week for any services that need to be done.
In my experience Shane Co. has the best prices and all the sales people have been very informative and helpful. They would also be a good place to go for help. Good luck.

 

[orygun]

Several years ago I was in a similar position as the OP. I'd heard all of the Shane Co ads and walked in to one about 20 minutes before closing time. I said, "I've heard your commercials that tell me you know about diamonds, so show me what I need to know".
The timing was excellent, and just by luck. The sales person showed me what I needed to know, but didn't have any time to start trying to sell me anything. I learned how to use a lupe (probably misspelled that, but it's the little magnifier they use to check out stones) and what to look for. I took that knowledge and went shopping. Back then Costco wasn't in the diamond business... I only found stones as nice at one other dealer and ended up at Shane co.
So, find someone to show you what to look for and how to do it. Go check out many, many stores. Don't be afraid to ask for their lupe to check out their stones. If they are hesitant, as a few were in my case, their stones are probably crap.
As for the others that tell you not to get married, that's your choice. You didn't ask me if you should get married so I'll keep my comments to diamond selection.
By the way, I bought that diamond in 1998 and got married later that year. I am still married to the same woman. The people who made posts about not getting married on this thread after being asked not to should probably quit blaming the woman they were married to for all of their problems and take a better look at themselves. It's a two way street, Jack.

 

[tlfreek]

Go talk to "Diamond Dan" at the Clackamas Costco. He is a good guy and will help educate you on what to look for... unless you have already bought one. Costco's rings are all REALLY nice they have a high standard, and they are inexpensive compared to many other places. The thing you are kind of giving up is a warranty. I say kind of because Costco has a 100% satisfaction or money back policy. However if something happens to the ring in say 10 years you would exchange it for something else. You would also need to ship it out for at least a week for any services that need to be done.
In my experience Shane Co. has the best prices and all the sales people have been very informative and helpful. They would also be a good place to go for help. Good luck.

Talk to him many times - very good guy

 

[tlfreek]

Several years ago I was in a similar position as the OP. I'd heard all of the Shane Co ads and walked in to one about 20 minutes before closing time. I said, "I've heard your commercials that tell me you know about diamonds, so show me what I need to know".
The timing was excellent, and just by luck. The sales person showed me what I needed to know, but didn't have any time to start trying to sell me anything. I learned how to use a lupe (probably misspelled that, but it's the little magnifier they use to check out stones) and what to look for. I took that knowledge and went shopping. Back then Costco wasn't in the diamond business... I only found stones as nice at one other dealer and ended up at Shane co.
So, find someone to show you what to look for and how to do it. Go check out many, many stores. Don't be afraid to ask for their lupe to check out their stones. If they are hesitant, as a few were in my case, their stones are probably crap.
As for the others that tell you not to get married, that's your choice. You didn't ask me if you should get married so I'll keep my comments to diamond selection.
By the way, I bought that diamond in 1998 and got married later that year. I am still married to the same woman. The people who made posts about not getting married on this thread after being asked not to should probably quit blaming the woman they were married to for all of their problems and take a better look at themselves. It's a two way street, Jack.

Great advice and comments

 

[Sun195]

When I bought my wife her ring, I ended up buying from a place where I felt comfortable working with them rather than trying to get the best/biggest/cheapest deal. They put it into a temporary setting and we came back and got a custom setting made later. I bought a lot of pieces from that jeweler over the years because I liked what they had and didn't feel like they were trying to cheat me.

I'd start with a budget and stick to it - like most things, it's easy to get up-selled (either by convincing yourself you need something better or getting convinced).

Color/Cut/Clarity/Carat - all good things to consider, but some diamonds just look better than others despite what the numbers tell you. I bought my wife some diamond earrings for our anniversary a few years ago and one pair had better "specs", but the other pair looked better, so I went with those.

Personally, I'd shoot for something that's in the G-E color range and VS2 or better quality.

I found that buying a diamond that was just slightly below certain thresholds (like just barely below 1/2 carat or just below 1 carat) can save you some money. There seems to be a price bump for diamonds that are above these numbers. Sometimes you can get a deal because the diamond isn't quite a full carat.

Obviously, you can get her anything you want. I felt like a diamond ring was the traditional thing to get (yes, I know this is driven somewhat by marketing) so I went with that. If you're committed to spending the rest of your life with someone, co-mingling your assets, and cranking out some kids at some point - the cost of a diamond ring will be trivial in the grand scheme of things.

Good luck - let us know what you get.

 

[lamrith]

If you do decide to get married -by the time of the ceremony you will already be married - the ceremony is only the acknowledgement to your freinds, family, and the law of what you two already know.

Great words of wisdom and what I tell any friends I know getting married if they start looking nervous or freaking out during the build up to the wedding. Want to know where I originally heard that 19yrs ago? From the pastor that married my wife and I.

I wish I could help more on this, I am following this thread myself. When I got engaged we were college kids and I had no job, the ring was cheap. My plan is to get her a nice, hopefully 1ct new set for our 20th.

 

[clambo]

My vote is for pawn shop. Some will disagree but I did ok there. My wife actually thought it was smart to buy a ring there as it was much cheaper than a retail jeweler. She hardly lets me buy her anything but is thrilled when I spend money on myself. Really ! So, naturally I do. My gifts to her include a .38, a metal detector, a band saw, and a vacuum cleaner ! And she was THRILLED with each ! Really ! So you must ask the obvious question, " What's the down side to all this ? " Ok, she's ugly as a mud fence and weighs about 265....but she's a keeper ! My last two wives were little 110 lb hotties.......and my life was hell. In fact one of them is in prison now.
My advice to you...marry an ugly woman and buy a pawn shop ring. Best thing I ever did !

 

[jimwsea]

It's funny how DeBeers corners the market on diamonds, then stores most away while placing a limited amount on the market which creates artificially higher prices. Then they start an advertising blitz to make diamonds a girls best friend (not her spouse??). Then peer pressure make men look like a piece of bubblegum if the don't buy a diamond, or if its too small. Then there were ads saying that a man should spend x times his monthly salary on a diamond. Then Tom Shane pulls a trick of advertising...telling you that they have the best diamonds while skipping over why you need one anyway.

If you've got really old relatives, ask them if diamond rings were the thing to do way back when.

I got tired of corporations telling me how to think and act a long time ago. I showed my fiance a video on DeBeers, then she lost her interest in a diamond. No twenty-five grand wedding either. Made it much easier to save up for the down payment on a house. And money for basic living is generally harder to come by these days. (your mileage or relationship might vary!)

 

[JSJPDX]

Unless this is supposed to be a big suprise, forget about cut, clarity and all of that other stuff and take her with you to Costco or Shane and buy her the set she falls in love with. Unless you are buying these diamonds as an investment who cares if they are one grade higher than another, if she loves it and wants to wear it, you're good to go without all of the pressure. Just talk about where you're at budget wise before you go shopping.

Another thought...since you're both a little older, why not skip the engagement ring and just buy a larger wedding ring? More ring and more bling for the same amount of money. More for her to show off to her friends!

This is what we did and she is still showing her ring off all these years later.

Good luck!

 

[Botte Hork]

So you must ask the obvious question, " What's the down side to all this ? " Ok, she's ugly as a mud fence and weighs about 265....but she's a keeper ! My last two wives were little 110 lb hotties.......and my life was hell. In fact one of them is in prison now.
My advice to you...marry an ugly woman and buy a pawn shop ring. Best thing I ever did !

Hahaha, you made my day sir!



edit: More seriously, you can also go to a goldsmith and have something made for you. Many goldsmiths also do something along the lines of a "class" where you make your own rings. Something nice to do, you get something unique and handmade and many goldsmiths don't have a big fancy shop to pay for. So often you won't pay more than for a mass produced standard thing. A friend of mine does this in Europe and I've seen similar things in the US.

It all depends on your wishes. Not all goldsmiths are very much into the stones, so if your future wife is more of the type that "needs" a big stone, you need to find a goldsmith that will set the stones and will help you find a stone that fits budget and wishes.

 

[tlfreek]

excellent -

I'm getting closer i think. here is what hurts - I cannot find a KBB for diamonds so I do not know what is a "good" deal vs what is a "great deal" versus what is highway robbery.

I went to Fred Meyer jewelers one day as I was leaving after shopping and had (and continue to have) some good discussion with the folks there. Basically I was looking at unmounted diamonds in the >15K range but when i go online I could find them for 5,000 less. for those searching here are the two best sites I have found.

dreamstone.com - natural diamonds.
beverlydiamonds.com - clarity enhanced

I showed them my websites for the exact same diamond, but 5,000 less on line. i checked feedback and reviews for these sites and they are very well represented. I cannot remember which one, but one is a A+ by the BBB.

anyway. I need to chewinggum or get off the chewinggum.

I have the wrong personality for this, because I want to find the best price and cut, but in reality - the best quality diamond most likely wont be noticed by either of us. I find myself getting caught in a numbers (highest carrot, best clarity, least color and highest clarity) game and i am not sure why.

all the guns I want (excluding the 408) would be covered by what this diamond costs. But it's worth it

 

[Blue Devil PA]

Got married for the first (and only) time in my early forties, three years ago. My advice: Do not charge, finance, borrow...whatever you call it to purchase any part of the marriage process. If you can only afford a small ring, then that is the one. The same with the wedding and honeymoon. Do not fall into the trap of "comparing", we didn't and had a great time.
Disclaimer: My aunt gave me a nice stone that we picked out a setting for.
Good luck, enjoy this time, if you arent, find the problem and try to work on it together.

 

[coop44]

Get a round cut diamond

Try for a VSI rated or better

get the biggest you can afford

investment quality 1 carat stones can run 10k, not reccomended, the are essentially perfect.

a jewelry grade (1 carat) nice stone runs about 1500 - 2000

the larger the diamond, the rarer, therefore higher priced.

stay away from clusters of inferior teeny stones, every female carries a jewelers loupe and is expert in gems

a single decent stone will gather more attention.

make sure you get a quality setting

Make a deal with them for a Rolex for yourself at the time of purchase, I did and came away with a great deal on both.

the ring was around 8k and the watch was under 2k

I have travelled these waters in the past (3 times) good luck

 

[tlfreek]

that's the path I am going down. I do plan to charge it initially just to get the credit card incentives.

Got married for the first (and only) time in my early forties, three years ago. My advice: Do not charge, finance, borrow...whatever you call it to purchase any part of the marriage process. If you can only afford a small ring, then that is the one. The same with the wedding and honeymoon. Do not fall into the trap of "comparing", we didn't and had a great time.
Disclaimer: My aunt gave me a nice stone that we picked out a setting for.
Good luck, enjoy this time, if you arent, find the problem and try to work on it together.

 

[Gonzales]

Just a few things that are helpful. Let her pick the ring. If she is going to wear it for any period of time you want to make sure she likes it. Also, this way she knows what it costs. That should help.

Costco does have some nice rings, but shop around.

And despite what folks may say, you don't need the actual ring when you propose.

Just do something fun like getting an empty box and put a fortune cookie fortune in it with something like 'will you marry me'. If you want to be romantic....

 

[Allfat]

I have the wrong personality for this, because I want to find the best price and cut, but in reality - the best quality diamond most likely wont be noticed by either of us. I find myself getting caught in a numbers (highest carrot, best clarity, least color and highest clarity) game and i am not sure why.

Just remember when buying online, you are not going to see the stone until you have already bought it. You can look at the spec sheet all you want, but actually looking at the stone is going to show you if it is beautiful or not. My best friend bought a stone online and he got a good one, so I am not saying it is a terrible way to go. But for me personally, I wanted to have it in my hands to see what it looked like in person, in sunlight, before laying down the money.

Just keep in mind that a beautiful stone is different from a stone that has a perfect spec sheet. I started in the same boat as you, but this kind of thing is not a perfect science. Be less quantitative and more qualitative. The numbers won't matter at all later in life, but if you get a diamond that has an imperfection just below the surface, or is not as bright as others, that will stick around forever.

We got an insurance rider on my wife's ring and I needed to know what the numbers were. I had to call the jeweler to get the info because I really didn't care about the numbers, the diamond was beautiful, and that is all that matters.