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hard times

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by oknow, Aug 15, 2011.

  1. oknow

    oknow amboy wa. Well-Known Member

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    The recession has hit everybody really hard...

    My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

    Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

    CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

    Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

    A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

    I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

    If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

    McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

    Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

    Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

    My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

    A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

    A picture is now only worth 200 words.

    When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

    The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

    And, finally....

    I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
     
  2. Just Jim

    Just Jim Well-Known Member

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    Not to worry, Obama is starting a new bridge building program so Americans will have something to live under.

    jj
     
    Abiqua, Buddhalux, mjbskwim and 3 others like this.
  3. capdek

    capdek Oregon Gold Supporter Gold Supporter

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    :laugh:
     
  4. drew

    drew OR Well-Known Member

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    :bluelaugh:
     
  5. dude young

    dude young SE PDX Active Member

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    Or jump off of.
     
    Buddhalux and (deleted member) like this.
  6. bnsaibum

    bnsaibum Corvallis, OR Well-Known Member 2015 Volunteer

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    :laugh:

    That's some good stuff!
     
  7. Scott

    Scott Battle Ground Well-Known Member

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    The shovels are all ready for someone to use but the economy is so good that cannot find someone to use those shovels.

    Oh the economy is awesome as MSNBC says so everyday. Isn't everybody happy? I know banks and Wall street is and it is almost Christmas so the bonuses will be coming out. I can't wait to get my $.10 bonus.

    We need a count down calendar til these fools leave the White House. I am counting the days now, seems like a long time but I know as I get older, time goes faster...............

    Good post........ I can drive a truck...............
     
  8. Mark W.

    Mark W. Silverton, OR Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    Hey I drive a truck every day?
     
  9. Guymcdb

    Guymcdb Vancouver Wa Active Member

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    I saw a picture on Tosh-O of college kids washing and reusing their beer pong cups. Sad sad day.
     
  10. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    No kidding. I had to sell my yatch and buy a slightly smaller yatch.
     
  11. Spray-n-pray

    Spray-n-pray Battle Ground Moderator Staff Member Bronze Supporter

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    :twocents:I'm so broke, I have to fart to get a (s)cent in my pocket! :bluelaugh:
     
    tallshipsgo and (deleted member) like this.
  12. drew

    drew OR Well-Known Member

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    I traded in the can I was kicking down the road for a smaller one.
     
  13. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    Dude money is so tight lady gaga's meat dress is now made out of SPAM
     
  14. bugeye

    bugeye Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Country music had to replace the 12 bar shuffle with a 6 bar stumble.
    The Fed lowered the prime rate to minus 6% and still no takers.
    The Dow jumped up to 22,000 on the news that the employment rate was down to 2%.
    Made in China stickers are now made in the USA.
    High tech energy jobs now includes the workers are Red Bull.

    OK, not too good but at least I made them up.
     
  15. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    The sticker line had me laughing hard. good job
     
  16. Teufel_Hunden

    Teufel_Hunden Albany, Oregon Active Member

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    :twocents:


    I'm so broke.....if it cost a nickel to S*** (poop) I'd have to throw up!


    :fart2:
     
  17. DinhRose

    DinhRose Austin, Texas (Ex-Pat of SE PDX) Active Member

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    Times are so hard that we had to replace the bald eagle with a circling vulture. Canada has announced that they're beefing up their border and enforcing tougher immigration laws on illegals