Grandpa's meeting with an IRS auditor

[Foureyes]

My grandmother forwarded this to me, and I thought it was quite funny.

The IRS
decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to
the IRS office.


The IRS auditor was not
surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
attorney.


The auditor said, 'Well, sir,
you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by
saying that you win money gambling. I'm
not sure the IRS finds that
believable.'


I'm a great gambler, and I
can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
demonstration?'


The auditor thinks for a
moment and said, 'Okay. Go
ahead.'


Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a
thousand dollars that I can bite my own
eye.'


The auditor thinks a moment and
says, 'It's a bet..'

Grandpa removes his
glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
drops.


Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you
two thousand dollars that I can bite my
other eye.'


Now the auditor can tell Grandpa
isn't blind, so he takes the
bet.

Grandpa
removes his dentures and bites his good
eye.


The stunned auditor now realizes
he has wagered and lost three grand, with
Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts
to get nervous.


'Want to go double or nothing?'
Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of
your desk, and pee into that wastebasket
on the other side, and never get a drop
anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice
burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this
old guy could possibly manage that stunt,
so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands
beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't
make the stream reach the wastebasket on
the other side, so he pretty much urinates
all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor
leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge
win.


But Grandpa's own attorney moans
and puts his head in his
hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor
asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning,
when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned
for an audit, he bet me twenty-five
thousand dollars that he could come in
here and piss all over your desk and that
you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling
you! Don't Mess with Old
People!!

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[jmh119]

Lol!

 

[Cougfan2]

An oldie, but a goodie.

 

[ZachS]

An oldie, but a goodie.

Yep, this one comes from the Yiddish and goes back at least to the mid-19th century. Hilarious every time I hear it.

 

[Foureyes]

Yep, this one comes from the Yiddish and goes back at least to the mid-19th century. Hilarious every time I hear it.

Wow! I had no idea, its neat that it has lasted all these years!

 

[ZachS]

Wow! I had no idea, its neat that it has lasted all these years!

There are exceedingly few new jokes... I'll bet some of 'em actually go back to ancient Egypt. Unfortunately for historians (professional and amateur), joke books are a recent phenomenon.

If you're interested in this kind of thing, this book's a fantastic read.... Multnomah County Library has a copy, you can probably order it through any library in the state.

 

[HappyRoman]

And the punch line is?

 

[CaughtSteelin]

Don't make bets with senior's...

 

[New Oregonian]

Oh that was great I just busted up in the middle of a coffe shop.

 

[Foureyes]

Thats awesome!