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Grandpa's meeting with an IRS auditor

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Foureyes, Jan 29, 2010.

  1. Foureyes

    Foureyes Clackamas Co New Member

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    My grandmother forwarded this to me, and I thought it was quite funny.:laugh:

    The IRS
    decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to
    the IRS office.


    The IRS auditor was not
    surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
    attorney.


    The auditor said, 'Well, sir,
    you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
    full-time employment, Which you explain by
    saying that you win money gambling. I'm
    not sure the IRS finds that
    believable.'


    I'm a great gambler, and I
    can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
    demonstration?'


    The auditor thinks for a
    moment and said, 'Okay. Go
    ahead.'


    Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a
    thousand dollars that I can bite my own
    eye.'


    The auditor thinks a moment and
    says, 'It's a bet..'

    Grandpa removes his
    glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
    drops.


    Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you
    two thousand dollars that I can bite my
    other eye.'


    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa
    isn't blind, so he takes the
    bet.

    Grandpa
    removes his dentures and bites his good
    eye.


    The stunned auditor now realizes
    he has wagered and lost three grand, with
    Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts
    to get nervous.


    'Want to go double or nothing?'
    Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
    dollars that I can stand on one side of
    your desk, and pee into that wastebasket
    on the other side, and never get a drop
    anywhere in between.'

    The auditor, twice
    burned, is cautious now, but he looks
    carefully and decides there's no way this
    old guy could possibly manage that stunt,
    so he agrees again.

    Grandpa stands
    beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
    although he strains mightily, he can't
    make the stream reach the wastebasket on
    the other side, so he pretty much urinates
    all over the auditor's desk.

    The auditor
    leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
    turned a major loss into a huge
    win.


    But Grandpa's own attorney moans
    and puts his head in his
    hands.

    'Are you okay?' the auditor
    asks.

    'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning,
    when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned
    for an audit, he bet me twenty-five
    thousand dollars that he could come in
    here and piss all over your desk and that
    you'd be happy about it!'

    I keep telling
    you! Don't Mess with Old
    People!!
     
  2. jmh119

    jmh119 Hillsboro, Oregon Member

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    Lol!
     
  3. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    An oldie, but a goodie. :laugh:
     
  4. ZachS

    ZachS Eugene/PDX Active Member

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    Yep, this one comes from the Yiddish and goes back at least to the mid-19th century. Hilarious every time I hear it.
     
  5. Foureyes

    Foureyes Clackamas Co New Member

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    Wow! I had no idea, its neat that it has lasted all these years! :laugh:
     
  6. ZachS

    ZachS Eugene/PDX Active Member

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    There are exceedingly few new jokes... I'll bet some of 'em actually go back to ancient Egypt. Unfortunately for historians (professional and amateur), joke books are a recent phenomenon.

    If you're interested in this kind of thing, this book's a fantastic read.... Multnomah County Library has a copy, you can probably order it through any library in the state.
     
  7. HappyRoman

    HappyRoman Sherwood Forest Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    And the punch line is?
     
  8. CaughtSteelin

    CaughtSteelin Oregon Member

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    Don't make bets with senior's...:D
     
  9. New Oregonian

    New Oregonian Lane County Member

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    Oh that was great:thumbup: I just busted up in the middle of a coffe shop.
     
  10. Foureyes

    Foureyes Clackamas Co New Member

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    Thats awesome!:D