Favorite Quotes

[Captain O]

"Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was black as soot,
and everywhere that lambie went, his sooty foot he put!" - Benny Hill

"Don't blame it on Rover, it's not his fault at all.
(Someone left a wet umbrella standin' in the 'all!") - Benny Hill

"My mother-in-law was so cheap she boiled crab lice for dinner!" - Captain O

"My sister-in-law was such a loose woman the men in her neighborhood called her apartment 'Fed Ex'... when they absolutely, positively had to be there overnight!" - Rodney Dangerfield

 

[tac]

Re: Major General 'Uncle' John Sedgwick, late of the Union Army - this is what he MAY have been felled with -



It's a 600gr mechanically [hydraulically]-swaged flat-based Whitworth bullet with the paper patching removed to show you what it looks like. Notice the 1 in 22" twist to make a perfect fit with the barrel. Carefully made, one by one, by my good friends Joe and Steve Polisar of Garden Grove CA and Albuquerque NM. Thanks, Guys.












80gr of 2F Swiss, a couple of shirt-card wads and 40 pounds of downward pressure...

tac

 

[jbett98]

Tac, by any chance did you have any southern male relatives marching around Virginia back in '64?

 

[tac]

Tac, by any chance did you have any southern male relatives marching around Virginia back in '64?

Not 'zackly, but my UK-based family was reduced to penury having used all their money to support the aims of the Confederacy in their struggle. When I was very small, and living with my grandparents, I recall my grandma lighting the fires in the hearth using Confederate bonds - the stack must still have been a couple of feet high even then.

AAMOI, if you ever go to Charlston, you can go into the Sunrise Presbyterian Church and see the Book of Condolences put there for the crew of CSASS Hunley, you can read my name toward the front cover.

tac

 

[Rocklock]

A pile of aviation quotes/truisms:

"Yea though I fly through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." - From an old carrier sailor
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot messes up, the pilot dies; if an ATC messes up, ... The pilot dies."
"Never trade luck for skill."
"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."
"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there."
"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a rainy day."
Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a plane crash seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum." - Jon McBride, astronaut
"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash scene as possible." - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
"Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

 

[Certaindeaf]

"Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was black as soot,
and everywhere that lambie went, his sooty foot he put!" - Benny Hill

"Don't blame it on Rover, it's not his fault at all.
(Someone left a wet umbrella standin' in the 'all!") - Benny Hill

"My mother-in-law was so cheap she boiled crab lice for dinner!" - Captain O

"My sister-in-law was such a loose woman the men in her neighborhood called her apartment 'Fed Ex'... when they absolutely, positively had to be there overnight!" - Rodney Dangerfield

Wife overhears a Ponds commercial on the TV, Benny Hill reading the paper..

Wife: "I use Ponds!".
Benny: "So do ducks!".

 

[Captain O]

A pile of aviation quotes/truisms:

"Yea though I fly through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." - From an old carrier sailor
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot messes up, the pilot dies; if an ATC messes up, ... The pilot dies."
"Never trade luck for skill."
"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."
"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there."
"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a rainy day."
Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a plane crash seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum." - Jon McBride, astronaut
"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash scene as possible." - Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
"Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

As an old US Navy "jet jockey" (Jet Mechanic) I can understand the twisted logic behind some of these quotations. (Been there, done that).

 

[Captain O]

"Heidi Abromowitz is such a slut... she was caught at the nearest railway station chasing troop trains with a mattress tied to her back." - Joan Rivers

 

[Howard1955]

'If your POS son ever lays another finger on my daughter, I'm coming round to your house, Sir, and I will inflict so much damage on your body that they will name the operation to put you right after you.'

My words to the father of a 10-y/o who smacked my daughter around the head because her wheelchair was slowing him up.

tac[/QUOTE]

Well done, Tac. A true Dadman moment.

 

[ditchtiger]

Never trust a fart.

 

[Captain O]

"At my house, we pray after we eat." - Rodney Dangefield

 

[Captain O]

"At my house, we pray after we eat." - Rodney Dangefield

(Don't worry, we bought stock in Bromo-Seltzer and Syrup of Ipecac).

 

[PaulB47]

I've got a 141k text file of quotes that I've harvested over the years. I could post it here but it would probably be overkill.

 

[slmdbus]

 

[Diamondback]

"When you pay attention to big chunks of people who typically are ignored, interesting things happen."–Mike Rowe

 

[Larrytpdx]

"Two in the hand is worth four under the cow".

 

[Captain O]

"Better with chunks!" - Charles Nelson Reilly (dog food advtisement)

 

[Diamondback]

Not when you're projectile-vomiting For Distance it's not...

 

[jbett98]

Or, had your adenoids removed.

 

[Jamie6.5]

"It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong." -- Thomas Sowell