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Father In Law!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by cbzdel, Feb 27, 2010.

  1. cbzdel

    cbzdel Tacoma, WA Member

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    This guy is a PITA, never been easy to work with, was a terrible father to my wife, yet thinks he is a god. My wife was adopted when he was 50yrs old (she was a new born) so he is in a completely different world than us as well.

    So me and the wife are trying to buy our first home. Our mortgage was just approved in the range that we want to buy. Pending one condition, her father proves that he pays an AMX and Visa card that she is an authorized user on. We just need proof that we are not paying them. If he gives us this info we get our house. If he doesnt give us this info his debt will make it looks like we are out of control and they wont give us the loan. So we call him and he says the he is not going to do it, that its none of their business who pays for the card and that they are gonna steal his bank account info and so on. He is a MAJOR paranoid conspiracy theorist. So much he wont even say his first name over the phone because people will know who it is. He even uses code names at restaurants when making reservations!

    So he is refusing to help, even if it means we do not get a house. If we remove her for an Authorized User it could take months for it to be removed from the credit report. And we need to find a house in 2 months to get that $8000 tax credit.

    Any ideas here? I am sure I am the first on the forum to post about this ahah!
     
  2. MarkSBG

    MarkSBG Beaverton Oregon Well-Known Member

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    That sucks! I assume he knows why you need this and the gravity of the situation. If not, respectfully tell him why it is important. In the meantime have your wife removed from the card. In this housing market, you are sure to find another place if you lose the one you are looking at now.

    After you remove her, try to go to a different lender. Before you go, tell your loan agent what you are doing and why. He may change his tune if he sees a client leaving.
     
  3. JohnH

    JohnH Milwaukie Active Member

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    I would:

    Step 1. Get removed from cards by contacting card companies. Explain why and that you need written proof showing you have been removed so that you can show your house lender.
    Step 2. Explain to house lender that you are going through these steps and make sure that this will be adequate proof that you have been removed. They may need some other proof, letter, etc. If they still do not want to want to assist time to start looking for another lender.


    Good Luck!
     
  4. The Quiet Man

    The Quiet Man rural Washington County, Oregon Active Member

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    I think you hit it on the head in your first paragraph. He IS in a different world than you are. It may be right or it might be wrong... but it is different. Understanding that is the key. As an "older guy" I have noticed on other posts that the many younger guys have such a different take on things that I (sometimes) just don't understand where they are coming from. I have noticed that some of my comments on other posts are ignored or obviously not understood by younger members. I don't take it personally, but I have thought a lot about it. The reason is rather simple. We grew up in such a different world that things you take for granted or accept without thinking seem alien to us. Things you youngsters find offensive, odd, or unimportant are sometimes just normal and proper thinking for those of us that grew up in a different world. Neither side is necessarily right or wrong, just different. The generational interaction is a learning tool for both sides.

    You say your father-in-law is a PITA (I had to look that up) and was a terrible father when your wife was growing up. Perhaps that is correct... you weren't there, I assume. Hopefully you will be a perfect father. Your wife is still carrying her terrible father's credit cards so perhaps he did/does care about her somewhat at some time. Some older people have serious personal privacy issues that many younger people don't seem concerned with. We are from a different time that makes us think there is a reason for our concern. The fact that you don't understand it doesn't make it wrong. It seems that you and your wife didn't have your financial ducks in a row when you applied for your mortgage and now it's the PITAs fault.

    Stop blaming others for your adult problems and get your credit history taken care of. Lenders have seen it all and will help to the extent they can.

    Most of all, understand that the generation gap has and always will exist. You will face it in your work and private life until you are one of the "god like" paranoid PITA old guys who no longer understands how young people think the world should work. No offense intended in anything I said.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2010
  5. Jamie6.5

    Jamie6.5 Western OR Well-Known Member

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    Tell pops you are going to re-furnish your apt. and start buying all your groceries and paying all your bills with HIS credit cards if he doesn't remove her,...

    He'll drop her financial responsibility like a hot rock!
     
  6. longcolt

    longcolt Zephyrhills, FL Active Member

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    Send me his address and phone number and I will send the Harley Club over to chat with him!:D
     
  7. bugeye

    bugeye Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, that Harley club from West Linn is tough, I hear they drink out of date Perrier!

    Housing is selling so poorly that the chances of the gov extending the credit is in the high 80 percentiles. Start getting clear of the accounts, and relax you will probably have plenty of time.
     
  8. Wheeler44

    Wheeler44 SW Washington Member

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    bugeye, you piece of bubblegum.I just blew luke warm tap water all over my monitor.....rotflmfao
     
  9. DERGLOCKINMEISTER

    DERGLOCKINMEISTER SPRINGFIELD OREGON Member

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    If she is only a signer on the account and not equally responsible for the payments , then that will be noted on the credit bureau . I is for individual , J is for joint and S is for signer . Your loan officer knows this , so either she is joint on the account , or not responsible for the payment . Loan officers are known for asking for the sun , moon and stars on all accounts . Whether they absolutely require the info is another matter . Explain the situation clearly , and ask for a variance on this stipulation . Good luck !
     
  10. cbzdel

    cbzdel Tacoma, WA Member

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    edit: deleted post
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2010
  11. gunnails

    gunnails Hillsboro Active Member

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    There seems to be some real solid advice in this thread, and I hope I am not out of line with mine.

    To the OP, this is the marriage you wanted, I have to believe you knew this guy well in advance of the marriage. I understand this CC thing blind sided you. But understand this man is the only family she ever had till you came along. Respect your wifes relationship with him and if you must see him remain polite at all times.

    This is your wifes problem to deal with him, don't let him come in between your wife and you. Sometimes it is best to just accept some things the way they are.

    My dad is 77 and is pretty cranky, not as sharp as he use to be, not the same man he was. Age changes some people.

    I wish you and your wife great success in finding your new home and that you find great happiness within it.
     
  12. cbzdel

    cbzdel Tacoma, WA Member

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    I wasnt going to go there but I should make it clear.

    He is not really family to her. His wife wanted to kid so they adopted my wife when she was a newborn. 2 years later his wife died and he became a alcoholic. He wanted nothing to do with her because he didnt want a kid in the first place. She she became old enough to do things, she became the woman of the house, cooked, cleaned, ect. When she turned 18 he got her the credit cards so she could go to the grocery store and buy groceries and buy smokes so he never had to leave the house. She didnt want to leave him because she is all he had but it got to the point where she needed out so she left. They never really talk and they have no relationship, he was 2 hours late to our wedding and he couldn't even drive himself. He is a alcoholic who refuses treatment, he wakes up in the morning and pours a glass of straight vodka, and drinks this all day long. You never will see him without his cup of vodka. If he drives somewhere, his cup of vodka is in the cup holder, it goes everywhere with him..

    I dont want him in my life and I believe he is still a PITA and causes more harm than good to society. But I understand the fact that I married his daughter and I respect him when I am around him, but when I am not around him the truth comes out. He is one of the few people I know in the world that I dont care for, him verbally and mentally abusing (never physically) my wife probably doesnt help his case though.

    Him not wanting to help is typical, him being in a drunken haze all day pretty much prevents him from doing anything or wanting to do anything. My wife has tired to get him help but he doesnt care at all.

    And as for the quiet man, maybe you get my point now? I am a very easy going guy and respect my elders, just not him. Also my wife did not know these accounts still even existed, so its not like it was her monthly allowance which she was getting from him. And if you are questioning my ability to be a perfect parent or maybe just taking a stab at me, I am sure if I get one thing right in my parenting life it will put me way ahead of him. Also we have called the credit card companies and asked to be removed and they said he has to do it because he is the signer, so yet that makes it HIS problem and not ours. If there is nothing we can do, and he is not willing to help us resolve the problem, how does this mean out "financial ducks" are out of line, how would one straighten them on if he is the key and unwilling? You dont know the facts so dont stand up for a fellow old man just because I called him a PITA. Because maybe he really is and I have the facts to back it up and I just chose not to share them in my original first post.

    And just so everyone else know, me and my wife show $2500 in credit card debt on our card, and everything we buy goes on this card and it becomes paid off every month for the most part, so basically we are out of debt according to our statements. He is adding 30 grand, yes 30 thousand in credit card debt to our report!!! That does not look good to a guy trying to loan us $170k for a house.
     
  13. brausso

    brausso Mill Creek, WA Member

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    Hey there, I'm actually a mortgage broker, so I'll do my best to give you some good advice:thumbup: If she can be removed as an authorized user, have them do it asap with a letter stating that this is the case. Provide the letter to you loan officer to give to the bank. Then you can do a rapid rescore on your credit report which will give you an up to date credit report reflecting these changes. Rapid rescores are usually $30 per credit bureau.

    What is the actual problem? are they not going to approve you because your debt to income ratio is too high with those accounts on there? What kind of loan are you applying for?
     
  14. longcolt

    longcolt Zephyrhills, FL Active Member

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    OK, so yea our Harley Club is a bunch of old senior wimps. How about I send over our Mayor she likesto fight with everyone.:)
     
  15. The Quiet Man

    The Quiet Man rural Washington County, Oregon Active Member

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    My point is that no matter who or what caused your wife's credit report to be less desireable than your lender wants it, you and your wife are respsonsible for fixing it. It is your problem whether you caused it or not. How on earth did you recently get approved for credit and then suddenly get blindsided by this issue? Prudent financial management requires you to know your credit score etc before you apply for credit so that you can resolve any issues before you apply. You apparently didn't do that and it was your responsibility to do so. That was my point.

    I thought of offering some help, as others have done, but then I noticed one of your six day old posts "Vacant land Insurance" where you stated that you and your wife live in an apartment and plan to for the next 2 to 3 years while you save money. Kind of made me think you're just looking for attention... so I'm bowing out of whatever game you're playing.
     
  16. pokerace

    pokerace Newberg Well-Known Member

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    "I just blew luke warm tap water "

    Was that out of date to?
     
  17. torpedoman

    torpedoman land of corrupt politicians Member

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    ask real nice for him to do it and then tell him if it is'nt done you will post his name social security number and the credit card numbers on the internet for all to use. That should do it.