Emotionally hurting. What do you do?

[clearconscience]

I'm hurting and not sure what to do.
Pretty sure there's nothing I can do.
My friend broke his neck 2 1/2 years ago and is paralyzed from the chest down.
Even though he can't use most of his body he still has constant pain throughout his body.
This happened at 34 years old.
Prior to this he was doing really well in a new career and living life like everyone should.
Now it's about hell on earth.
Mentally, emotionally, and physically it's wearing on him.

Man I just wish I could do something. I know all I can do is be there, but it's hard seeing someone you love like that.

Just venting.

You never know what curve ball life can throw at you. Hug your loved ones and tell them how you feel.
Get out and do the things you love, never know when you may not be able to. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Enjoy the small things in life.

Today I had off and got to spend the day with my kids.
Man it was a good day. My kids are awesome. They have changed my life, and teach me new things about life daily.

And then I got some somber messeges from my friend and it put things even more into perspective.

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[Camelfilter]

Good on ya for being such a good friend. Continue doing so, however hard it may be for you, just think on how helpful your being there is for your friend.

My brother would say "...let's not make mountains out of molehills.." when encountering day-to-day problems, or when in talking to friends.

I think on that quite a bit when small things start to get me riled up, then I smile & move on.

I was setting next to him shortly before he started home hospice when a friend called him. She was prattling on for a few minutes about something that had ticked her off that day, and when she finally got around to asking him how he was doing, he told her pretty frankly that his cancer had metastasized to his brain...

 

[Alexx1401]

I try to think about stuff like this when some "irritation" life has tossed at me has me turning the air blue. Then I think to someone like this guy my life would be paradise.

 

[STUKA]

This is how I feel every day about my Grandpa;
my hero,and the toughest SOB I've ever met-now wasting away in a wheelchair and can't even use the bathroom on his own.
Tears me up.
No advice except learn what you can from the situation and try not to take anything for granted.

 

[clearconscience]

Yeah thats the truth.

I used to get mad about little things, not have the best patience even for my kids. Until my daughter started having my attitude.
You live long enough to see people die for stupid arguments or road rage. You realize you gotta just let some things slide.
I used to get real stressed and angry about work. Used to always cry about my back hurting.
Not anymore. Just push through and think about the good stuff in life.

 

[cooper]

Talk about it.....just like your doing. You can't undo somethings but "I CAN ATTEST" you can learn to live again....cant tie every bad thing together. Past is the past...what can we do today and tomorrow....thats what keeps hope and the lights on for myself. That and my son.

 

[Sgt Nambu]

Good on you for being a true friend, clear! That's a tough place you're in. You will need acceptance and patience and love! Sometimes they are hard to find, but always just do your best!
Your best is all any man can give. Blessings on your friend, you and all involved family!

These days I've gotten a lot better at empathy and sympathy. Situations like this make me thankful for my many blessings, there is always some poor soul who's worse off.

 

[P7M13]

What you are already doing: being there, listening, talking.
You wrote about him in the Tough SOB thread. Does he have any dexterity through either of his hands?
Think he might like to try long range shooting? (Rifle in a frame, he does the aiming and pulling of the trigger)

 

[Oathkeeper1775]

You're a good friend; but human life has never been or will never be set aside from reality; mixed emotions, good times, happiness, crappy situations, or terrible events. There is nothing a human can do to prevent every bad thing from happening. There are very few things a human can do to prevent anything from happening; beyond self control.

Feeling anguish for others is an integral-part of human life; its the exemplification of our capacity to love one another.

For your end of the deal; appreciate your capacity to love.

 

[Mikej]

One of my customers is in a power chair. There was a swimming accident that involved diving in shallow water. He broke his neck and has been paralyzed for over 30 years. He has partial use of his hands. He does have a supportive wife and ran a successful home based business from a computer. I've been working for him for nearly 30 years, I don't even see him as "Crippled" any more! Not sure that that means anything to you, I just though it was interesting that I spent ten minutes trying to think of something to write, that could help. It took that long for "Jeff" to come to mind.

My hope would be that your friend can get the support he needs to carry on, and live to enjoy life again.

One other thought....Maybe some acupuncture would help your friend. It's done wonders for me and my chronic pain issues. The treatments I get are what is called "Community Acupuncture". That is people in recliners together around in a darkened, quiet room. The places operate on a sliding fee scale. It might be worth checking out, never know.
POCA

 

[etrain16]

No magic words of wisdom here, just another voice on the internet sharing a few thoughts.

My wife's family has a close friend that something similar happened to. At 19, he dove off a cliff into a river and broke his neck. They expected him to be paralyzed for life, but he amazed the doctors by regaining a bit of ability to move. He can walk, very slowly and he is pretty much crippled up in his limbs. For that he is both sorrowful and thankful. He now lives out of state, closer to his original home, so we don't see him as much as we used to. I can remember times where only the darkest thoughts would come from him - he could see no reason for hope, no reason for moving on. During those times, we would simply give him our ear, listen, mourn with him and never, ever make a false promise such as "it's going to be alright" or "everything will get better" - such false hope only serves to make them feel worse. They know they are a burden on others and have little, if anything to contribute. Aside from the pain and limitations, their sense of value, sense of worth to themselves, their family and the world, leave little to be positive about.

With the family friend, things have gone back and forth between good and bad. He found a good job through Goodwill, which he enjoyed and did for some years, but ultimately found he did better financially on full state disability, so he left his job, which is too bad because it helped with his sense of purpose and value. Last time we saw him, he was generally positive about life, having accepted that things like a wife and family are likely not going to happen for him, he's come to terms with it. We sat and listened, commiserating with him in his struggles and just showing him we value his time and input by lending him an ear willing to listen. After that, we simply moved on to regular discussions about life, work, family, talking as if he were just like everyone else.

In the end, the best you can do is be his friend. Help where you can and where he wants it. But his condition, his lot in life, is not yours. It's normal to feel bad, even guilty about other's pain - in fact, I think it's a good sign that you do feel sorrow at your friends' condition. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life and shouldn't feel guilty about doing so. From the sound of it, that's exactly what you're doing. For your friend, continue to lend him your ear, help where you can and live your life. If you're a person of faith, pray for him, and if he's so inclined, pray with him.

I'm sorry for your pain over your friend, I hope he will find some relief, some peace, as time passes.