Death and Family

[308]

My father passed away this week and I am his executor. Sad how this sort of thing brings out the vultures with their disingenuous comments and/or vile accusations. One minute feigning kindness, the next spewing venom when it does not go as they imagined. And this when my dad's body was still above room temperature. Rant off...

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[Alexx1401]

My father passed away this week and I am his executor. Sad how this sort of thing brings out the vultures with their disingenuous comments and/or vile accusations. One minute feigning kindness, the next spewing venom when it does not go as they imagined. And this when my dad's body was still above room temperature. Rant off...

Sorry for your loss and for the way so many humans act at times like this. My Wife has enough siblings to set up a small town and her parents are up there. We both know that when they pass it will be quite the show. Some of Wife's siblings have learned to avoid me because I do not coddle them when it comes to this. I tried for years to get them to sell their home they paid cash for and move into one of those places that have a dining hall. So if you don't want to cook you can just go down and eat and go home. Couple of Wife's siblings made the mistake of objecting in front of me due to them thinking the home should be theirs when they pass. I told them its not your parents job to leave you anything. They raised you, go buy your own stuff. The conversations are seldom had again with me.

 

[JustSomeGuy]

I'm sorry for your loss and will pray that everything goes well through the course of your executorship. I fully expected the worst when my dad passed. There were several "distant relatives" that had been making noise about about wanting some of the land, a free cow or two, some horses. As executor, I let them know in no uncertain terms that my father's wishes would be carried out to the letter and that I would not discuss anything outside of them. It must have worked since it all went according to plan.

 

[308]

My dad was a Gresham PD Detective for a long time. He passed due to complications of stroke, just slowly faded and then took a deep breath, and passed. It could have been worse.

 

[Andy54Hawken]

Condolences to you and your family.
Losing a loved one hurts in many different ways....words seldom help...but know if you need an "ear" , feel free to PM me.

As far as being an executor....do what was wanted by your dad and with no regrets.
Andy

 

[Grumpy 1]

Sorry for the loss of your father. Been there and done that at the age of 14. I saw first hand that nothing brings out the greed in people like a death in the family. God bless you and the memories.

 

[Flopsweat]

Sorry for your loss.

I watched this happen to a thankfully minor degree in my family, also in a friend's family and a girlfriend's family. Funny how greedy and hateful some people are just below the surface. I've watched people plot for years over less than $10,000. Any one of them could have taken the effort they put into that and applied it to something as simple as a paper route and had way more money to show for it. The lure of something for nothing is a powerful thing.

 

[The Heretic]

There was just me and my two brothers and we all get along more or less, plus none of us were desperate for my mother's estate, so things went smoothly. I've seen the opposite happen, but not really bad. I've heard of it being really bad, so I am glad that I have my estate more or less setup to just go straight to my daughter.

 

[clearconscience]

Sorry for your loss, and having to deal with the aftermath.

It's pretty disgusting to see people's true colors when someone passes. The death breaks hearts, the estate breaks families.

 

[mrblond]

Losing a family member is hard enough. having to deal with family then having to deal with the bubblegum lawyers on top of it all is a totally unnecessary burden to people.

One thign I did was learn.. when someone says to you " is there anything I can do " tell them whatever you want done if needed.. its mostly a hollow gesture to make themselves feel better so by damned, if you need them to do something, hold them to it.

 

[Flopsweat]

Losing a family member is hard enough. having to deal with family then having to deal with the bubblegum lawyers on top of it all is a totally unnecessary burden to people.

One thign I did was learn.. when someone says to you " is there anything I can do " tell them whatever you want done if needed.. its mostly a hollow gesture to make themselves feel better so by damned, if you need them to do something, hold them to it.

Also, if they meant it, they meant it. It's not a time to be stoic. Indulge yourself and take the help. Lots of us have learned the hard way that sometimes the best thing (only thing) you can do is to shut up and just be there or clear the little annoyances out of the way. You may not want to admit it but those little things can turn into the end of the world when you're grieving.

 

[Ura-Ki]

I watched the worst happen when I was just a little brat. Grand mother's parents passed and the family farm was to be sold and the profits split evenly between the siblings. Uncle was named executor, and he took the farm and everything claiming he was owed having paid the taxes in the land and all that, plus the expenses of running a productive farm! Total Bullsnot! Grams wasn't the type to fight her brother, and the others were spinless, so it stood until I retired and found the farm had gone into foreclosure, so, I took the uncle to court over everything and took "His" farm from him and had the sheriff evict him and his worthless welp, seizing everything from them, including a couple of newer diesel pickups to be sold to pay the back taxes and fees that were owed! My brothers and Cousins that can be trusted are now running that farm and turning a nice little profit, something my grand mother should have enjoyed in her final years! I sleep just fine knowing my P.O.S. uncle is homeless along with his totally worthless welp somewhere here in OryGun, and I sure did enjoy driving the sh!t out of his nearly new Ford F-350 Diesel pickup before we sold it and put the money into fixing everything the place needed! His kids truck was even nicer, so we sold it right away!

 

[bigbearbear]

Sorry for your loss and the resulting unpleasantness with family members. Always problematic when there is money left over.

 

[TTSX]

My mother is having to deal with this from her sister's literal million dollar estate (no property) and it seems like every week there's a new story about so and so needing another thousand dollar cut. I can't say I directly understand, though watching from the sidelines I can tell it's more stress than called for.

 

[Jason999]

Im so sorry for your loss and this strife. I've unfortunately been in the same position, having to grieve, handle his affairs and fight the money grubbing vultures off.

You find out who actually is family and who was just a relation. I disowned half the buggers by the time it was all over with.

 

[StacattoP]

So sorry for your loss brother money and material things do horrible things to families that's why I stayed off the will I'm sending you prayers and quick healing

 

[Mikej]

Sorry for you loss. I'm in the "lost both parents" club. 8 years apart with mom in 2018. I consider myself luck only having one sib. Parents were smart and had everything laid out in a trust. The stories I heard of the rest of mom's (good) Mormon sibs were terrible.

I'll just hope for these times to pass reasonably easy. Oh yeah, Here's toy our dad! Thanking him posthumously for his service to our communities!

 

[partsed]

Sorry for your loss, nothing like money to bring out the worst in some people.

 

[BBQ Guy]

Condolences.
I hope it gets better and the vultures go away soon.

 

[Member 34319]

Sorry about the loss of your father.

Ill be in the same boat some day. I'm pretty sure I'm the executor on my folks will. My older brother, who is divorced and not part of the family really, will likely come out of the woodworks when that time comes and I'm not looking forward to it. My younger brother is pretty level headed, Ill probably let him have the house if he wants it, that or split it with him if he doesn't. I keep telling my folks to downsize and enjoy what's left, but it is ultimately their lives and not mine. My uncle has no children or spouse, he is the executor to my grandmas estate, who passed many years ago, I have no clue to how my mother and him are going to handle all of that, I hope they do so before they bite the dust as that's just another estate that will fall upon my shoulders if they don't.

Best of luck dealing with the estate and the family!