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  • My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down .
  • I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet .
  • What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's pretty heavy and the other's a little lighter .
At breakfast, Angus' wife Bonnie tells him he needs to lose weight. He says, "Ok, when I get home from work I'll make a low-calorie meal, and you hug me while I eat it." Bonnie says, "That's your whole plan?" Angus says,

"Aye; I just diet in your arms tonight."

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