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Criminals sure are funny!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by kevlar, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. kevlar

    kevlar Mt.Angel Active Member

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    I just got this ad off a craigs list posting.Had to share it with the group Priceless!!!!




    To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

    I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

    I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

    I called a bunch of 1-900 numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

    So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! - Alex
     
  2. finch6013

    finch6013 Oregon City Active Member

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    that is priceless!!!!:laugh::laugh:
     
  3. wavo

    wavo Portland Member

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    Love it!
     
  4. swoop

    swoop Milwaukie, Oregon Well-Known Member

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    This is good stuff:laugh :laugh: Also wish my lady would buy me a Kimber .45 :cool:
     
  5. elsullo

    elsullo Portland Oregon New Member

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    I heard this first hand from a bus driver who drove the late night shift in North Portland. Two punks pulled a gun and stole the driver's watch and wallet and ticket punch, then got off on their corner to sell crack as usual.

    This driver finished his work shift, got in his personal car which held his personal pistol, and returned to that corner to pretend to be a drug customer. He knew that they would be too dumb to move on to another place. Intead of handing over cash for drugs he pulled his pistol and robbed the two of them, on their own corner. He took their drugs and money, their crummy pistol, all of his own stolen items, and their shoes. He made them watch as he dumped their drugs down a storm drain grate. He warned them to never ride his bus again, left them standing there in their stocking feet, and never had any similar trouble again. I knew him, and I am certain the tale is true.........................elsullo :D
     
  6. Dutchy556

    Dutchy556 Bend, OR Member

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    This has been making the rounds on various boards but I still chuckle when I read it... :laugh:
     
  7. pr787lv

    pr787lv somewhere in the NW Member

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    Funny, and the perps had it coming, but...be careful and don't become part of the problem. This behavior is, at a minimum, borderline criminal, IMHO.
     
  8. swoop

    swoop Milwaukie, Oregon Well-Known Member

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    A driver should be able to carry on his bus, the way things are in parts of the city. :)
     
  9. Doc In UPlace

    Doc In UPlace Tacoma-ish Well-Known Member

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    Oh it's definitely criminal, and fantastically funny.

    My OLD plan was to arrest and handcuff the people for the police to come collect.
    I have a NEW plan now, and dang if it isn't a hum-dinger. :laugh:
     
  10. ZeroRing

    ZeroRing 26th District, WA Active Member

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    I don't care who you are, that right there is funny. :bluelaugh:
     
  11. GUN1PDX

    GUN1PDX Portland Metro Member

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    He should have made him take the pants off too!! Thanks for the laugh!
     
  12. jason97496

    jason97496 Cottage Grove, Oregon Member

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    kind of reminds me of crocodile dundee "thats not a knife, THATS a knife"