Calling all babies daddies...

[LiveYourLifeFully]

Kone Killer: Nice thing is you have about 4 months to figure out what's bothering you! Not to turn all psychologist on you but you've got to stop judging your desire not to be at the delivery. As they say, "It's neither good, nor bad. It just is."

I'm positive you're not the first man to feel that way. In fact, there are many women who'd rather not be at their own delivery! Keep talking to people. I bet you'll eventually meet someone who gets what you're saying. Find a friend who you know will listen and ask good questions so you can process what's really going on.

BTW...my children's father was at all the deliveries but he wasn't truly present. He was pretty worthless and I personally would have been fine if he'd stayed at home. But I think he came because he felt 'obligated' to do so.

Congratulations to you and the Mrs.!

 

[LiveYourLifeFully]

Torqk911: Sorry for your loss.

 

[Vantage]

Kimber, that was another thing too! I am bad at remembering stuff under pressure, I dont think I would be a very good coach either.
I told her my aunt would do a wayyy better job at the breathing thing and keeping her calm, but I got the stare of death so I didnt bring it up again....
Just when I thought I had her figured out, things have gotten weird...

Be there Man, Seriously. And do like the other guy said and just stay up near your wife and coach her. There really is no "coaching" involved. People have been having babies or thousands of years. Long before any coaching classes even existed. Just hold her hand and give her reassurance and tell her she's doing good.

You do not want to miss it.

I'll be honest and say that 'the day of' was nothing special to me at the time. Everyone had told me about this magical moment that happens the first time you hold your new baby. It didn't happen for me. And for the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. Until I started asking some of my other dad friends and found out that many of them felt the same.

However, now I'm a weeping sap. The other night I was looking through the pictures we took and I felt like Clark Griswold in the attic all teary eye'd and sappy.

Sooo... glad I was there. And like someone else said, NOT being there is something you will never live down.

So go. And take a digital camera with a fresh memory card. Give it to a nurse and ask her to take as many pictures as she can. They know the angles to take, and they're not distracted by the events at hand.

 

[ATCclears]

I was there for the birth of both of my kids. I wouldn't change it.

Don't miss it. You'll regret it later. Your significant other also needs you there.

Our first (my daughter) was a longer labor at about 10hrs. Sophie had the umbilical cord around her neck at the end, that room was immediately full of medical personnel, but all was fine. Otherwise, it was over in the blink of an eye.

My comments (others can choose to disagree):

1. The birth may not go as expected. I don't mean that in a negative way, but rather I just had images in my mind. It could go slow or fast. It was only about 2.5hrs with our second - this makes me laugh since it is typical of our son since he is strong-willed.

2. Consider having the birth in a medical facility. Some will bark at me. It is just my comment. I've known friends who have done home births with a midwife and had no problems. Humans have been giving birth for a long time too. I just like the additional "backup" of the medical personnel.

3. If you're going to take pictures afterward, consider converting them to b/w. It removes the odd colors of Mom or baby.

4. Pick names in advance. In WA State they will give you paperwork to register for a SSN for baby while you're in the hospital, and that requires names. It is good to get this done, and you can use the SSN and baby for that year's tax deduction.

5. Have Mom pack a clean tshirt and some granola bars for you in her bag. If it is a longer labor then she may not want you to leave her, and so you'll have something to snack on and perhaps change your shirt if a long day.

Enjoy.

Peter

 

[One-Eyed Ross]

here's my take on this. Don't watch the baby being born, stay looking at your wife's face, talking with her, going through the breathing exercises, focus on your wife. She'll remember that, and the fact that you were there.

If you want to watch the birth, go for it....but really, taking the time and trouble to focus on your wife and be there for her will make a big impression on her, especially if she knows you are hesitant about the whole thing.

 

[mookmanjdj]

Man up you wuss. :gun09:

It's not about what you feel, or if it makes you woozie.

It's about your girl, and the fact that she has no choice but to be there. What you feel won't be anything compared to what she will go through, so you owe it to her, at the very absolute least to be there and face/meet your baby the instant it's born. She might not say it, but she will remember for the rest of your life that you're "Mostly" there for her... as long as it's not yucky.

Take pride in what you've done. Bring that child into this world and protect it from it's first breath until your last.

There is no other "Right" or "Wrong" way to do it.

There you go. I watched three of mine and missed one because I couldn't stay in the room for a cesarean (spelling?) I am very squeamish but made it through every time. You NEED to know what your lady has to go through. It looks impossible, but it happens anyway.

 

[Sincere]

It's nice to see 95% of the fellas posting modelling strong, paternal behaviors.

Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, wish I would have had a pop like some of you guys.

Now I'm a teacher and I wish most of my kids could have dad's like most of you guys, it'd make my job way easier.

 

[KONE KILLER]

its not really squeemish, its more of a when you were a kid and you saw the van with 'free candy' on the side and you knew he didnt have any Snickers bars in the back....


Dad????? is that you????

LMAO!!!

Well, it sounds like I just need to keep my fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that the bad feeling in my gut goes away and nothing bad happens.
Like I said earlier, I am super excited about having the kid!! I am looking forward to the fishing trips with him or her, getting it into hockey and doing all the fun things together. The good and the bad, I will take it...

The goo proly wont bug me, but if they bring needles in, I might have to count the popcorn on the ceiling.... I could never be into shooting up drugs.... Good thing is she wants no pain meds.... Orrrr that might be a bad thing..

I have always wondered... what do they do with the placenta if people dont take it home... throw it in the dumpster out back?? I would hate to be a bum and find that!!
I keep telling Linda I am gonna take it home and deep fry it. All I get is the look o death.... Figure I could mix it in with her halibut or calimari some night....

Thanks a bunch guys!!

 

[Crazyeye24]

I video taped my kids being born by C-section after 2 1/2 hours of my wife trying to give birth naturally. Wouldn't have missed it for the world. There is a bond you gain with your child by watching the birthing process.

 

[Burt Gummer]

 

[Torqk911]

I havent heard of them letting you take home the placenta.... honestly not sure why you would want it.

Here is a few things to be aware of.
1. She is scared, Jokes dont help her be comfortable. She might slap you. It is added stress on her and the baby.
2. Natural births bring poo and farts come out when pushing. My first kid I couldnt help but laugh.
3. You might start crying when the kid comes out cause it will most likely never be the same again there for ya. Luckily she will think its tears of joy.
4. Be aware your doctor wont come in until the kid is almost out besides a few check ins. If in doubt always go to c-section if complications are going on with natural. Dont hesitate or keep trying. It may inadvertently put both kid and mom at risk.

 

[Spray-n-pray]

I went through this 19 days ago as we welcomed our first child into the world. My wife labored for 18 hours after her water broke until it became necessary for him to be delivered via C-section. When they pulled him out it became evident as to why he could not be delivered vaginally. The umbilical cord was wrapped several times around his neck, causing him to not be able to drop down into position. Although he was taken out by C-section, he still had a cone-shaped head, but it was off to the side. His head and purple color returned to normal within a day.

As for mom, I stayed by her head during the procedure. She was high on the anesthetic and cracking jokes, but I was a mess. I tried to keep talking to her, and praying with her to keep her focused and at ease, but I did stand up over the curtain and watched them pull my son out. At that point, I started crying like a little girl. It was surreal, but the most amazing experience of my life to watch my sweet little boy being born. I was the biggest baby in the room at that point.

Afterwards, they asked if I wanted to see the placenta. I declined, but they brought it over any way. It was a bloody mass of tissue, with membranes all over, and they were dangling it from the cord. Talk about weird. Then they said some people want to keep it, and even eat it. The first thing I thought of was, "I wonder how I would prepare that? Maybe sliced thin like carne asada, a dry rub, and then on to the Traeger?" I politely declined.

All in all, it was a great experience. My wife would have never forgiven me had I missed it, and I would have regretted not being there for the rest of my life. My advice to you would be to be there at your wife's side, do anything she asks, and enjoy every minute of that miracle that is your newborn son or daughter.

God bless you and your family.

 

[darkminstrel]

My kid was born about 10ft from where I'm sitting. He came out into my own hands. Man up, mate. Life is gooey and gross and smelly. I have a 5 year old that has an incredible bond with me and I'd never have missed his birth for anything.

 

[cyclesurvival]

I missed my first childs birth and made a vow not to miss any others, well I made five of the six births and one was a c section. I would be kicking myself if I had missed any others. I cut the cord on two. And I was the first person to hold four of my childred even befor the nurse. DO IT Just Do IT!

 

[huthuthike]

I told my wife that I was there for her from her waist up and that the we were at the hospital for everything from the waist down. She said "that wasn't what you said nine months ago!"

 

[ZigZagZeke]

The solution to your problem:

What you need is known as a doula. It's a female professional birth coach/representative. She will go over you and your wife's preferences for what you want to happen, and not happen during labor. She will coach both you and your wife through your wife's labor, and she will represent your wife's interests in dealing with doctors, nurses, and hospitals when your wife is too busy or out of it to represent herself. It takes all the load off of you.

A couple of doulas in your area:

Endre ([email protected])
or
Wendy Scharp at MotherTree Birth Services - doulas, doula training - Portland Oregon