Brother's wife adamant about him not carrying..any advice?

[Searcher451]

We've probably all run into this situation, and more than once. The best advice I can give you is to stay out of it ... and, in fact, stay as far away from it as you can get. It's something that the two of them will have to work out. The best you do is look like a meddler, and you don't want that title stuck next to your name.

 

[terrylf72]

Can he trade her in??

 

[Trlsmn]

The problem is she has been programmed to think that way. He must use logic and positive reinforcement to help her to understand reality as compared to the Utopian dream that or fear she might have of guns.

Another thing to do is to join a gun club and then leave her at home while he goes practicing target shooting with his buddy and his buddies wife! A little jealousy can sometimes motivate someone to at least try new things!

Once he does get her out to the range he should stop by the gun store on the way home and get her interested in her own gun, the key is not to push but to make it appear to be all about her.

 

[Generator]

Does she wear a seatbelt in the car?
the belt doesn't cause the accident, and your glad its there when something goes wrong.
Seatbelt=gun just to make sure everyone is following my logic.

 

[elsullo]

My second wife was at first against it, but I finally taught her to shoot, and she felt empowered by it. The key was that we lived way out of town, isolated in the woods. Also, she had a good mind and was open to learning new things.

My third wife was absolutely against ANYBODY owning guns, and resented me carrying in spite of her. And this was when we lived in such a rough neighborhood that late one night some meth-head tried to steal our huge DOBERMAN! She was so narrow minded that there was simply no way to educate her about self-protection. Some people will never get it!

MEANWHILE, check out my review of the Mace Pepper Gun in the "Non-Firearm Weapons" section. This is a fantastic tool for self-protection for those who refuse to be around guns. Both he and she should try this masterpiece as a first step for self-defense carry!..................elsullo

 

[NK777]

This is something he should insist and put his foot down about. This is about the safety and security of his family.

Admittedly this wasn't an issue for me really. My wife was merely slightly apprehensive about it but she never was adamant. In no time it was expected that I would be carrying and considered normal for her.

 

[Riot]

My wife was pretty adament about not touching firearms until she was in the house and someone tried to break in when I wasn't there. Before I went to work (I worked nights), I would always leave a loaded pistol next to the bed and would tell her it was there everyday for "just in case".

She would always roll her eyes and say that she would never touch the thing...then someone started banging on the windows until they broke. She called me on the phone, shaking, saying that she called the police and that she had the gun in her hand.

Sometimes, it take a tramatic situation for people to "wake up" as to why we carry guns. We don't carry them because we think they're cool or because we like to kill things (those are just perks). We carry them because at some point, we may have to defend our lives or that of a loved one...one of my biggest fears is seeing a loved one become victimized, but I cannot do anything to help.

Other than hiring someone to scare some sense into her about how easily it is to be a victim, these kinds of people (the anti-gun, brain washed types) will only change their minds when they become a victim themselves. Then, and ONLY then will they want a firearm for themselves or become okay about the idea of having one around.

 

[Just Jim]

Had a friend that was against guns untill she went to work for the Sheriffs dept. Once she saw all the crimes being commited and the criminals running about she changed her tune. Fear is a positive motivator when logic doesn't work.

jj

 

[Zoltan]

Have her listen to a police scanner for a while. Check out radioreference.com. That should sufficiently scare the crap out of her and change her mind.

 

[NMSight]

Tough one. Mrs NMSight has never wanted to do anything w/firearms personally - other than some very occasional target shooting. But she has never even hinted about restricting my use of firearms (well, other than the occasional "how many guns do you need anyway?"

So she never said anything when I told her I was getting my CHL. She is just pretty noncommittal about firearms in general; although occasionally when we are out late or on a trip somewhere she will ask me "You did bring your gun didn't you?"

Personally, I feel having the ability to defend your family takes precedence over what a wife may want and I wouldn't even consider asking permission. Of course, YMMV .

 

[sillyrabbit]

Get a divorce or get her education.

 

[pokerace]

Sounds like emasculation!!

stand up like you still have some!!

 

[korntera]

Best advice I can give; Just do it.

She'll eventually get comfortable with it.

This is what I did but I only have a GF, not a wife so I don't "have" to do anything. The other thing I did is make her watch the news nightly, and everytime you can say wow, if only somebody had a gun to stop that situation. I hate to say it and be so mean but I started to scare my GF, everytime I notice something out of the ordinary I mention it and the more scared she gets I tell her not to worry, if something were to happen this is why I carry and she calms down now. After getting her worked up and scared about this crazy world we live in she is now getting to be more comfortable with it, she still hates it on my side and says she can't put her arm around me but that will come with time.

 

[krazed]

...
We just recently started looking at guns, and his wife is adamant about him not carrying a 'lethal' weapon. She wants him to carry a bb gun or paintball gun instead. I told her this was a horrible idea because if you need to draw a weapon, it should be in a life or death situation, and you don't want to be drawing a bluff in that situation.

I think her fear is my brother will shoot someone when its not warranted. I've explained that in order to make sure we are justified in shooting when or if we have to, we would constantly be going through training (OFA Classes for the win!!) not only for shooting and tactics, but for understanding the law and simulated situations that help us understand when its appropriate to draw and/or fire.

Has anyone experienced similar feeling from their significant others that they eventually were able to persuade to see the pros of carrying? Any suggestions to help bring his wife around? any comments from wives that were initially reluctant to the idea of their husbands carrying but eventually changed their minds would be great.

I think you brother needs to get his wife involved in the decision.
You need to pull back and let your bro do the driving.

Here is my story:
Don't know if this might fit his situation but my wife was reluctant to have any guns exposed around the house when I first took up hunting many years ago.
Years later, I talked to her about having a hand gun around the house for home defense. She was totally against it.
Ultimately, I had to take the initiative. I told her we were going on a date on saturday, in the morning two weeks from now. She got very curious over the next several days.
Come Friday on the day before, she asked again where we were going, and I told here we were going to a class on concealed carry.
At first she told me she was not going to go. But, I convinced her to come along and observe with me and help me to decide if I should get the permit or not.
Note: The classes are very good even if you don't get the permit.
After the class she said she liked it and the responsible manner in which the gun carry idea was handled and it wasn't just a bunch of macho guys trying to act tough.
She liked it enough that she said she wanted to get her own permit to carry. "Just in case I need it!"

She still doesn't carry but she has her permit.
And I can carry any time I want.

 

[rds801]

Went through this with my wife too. Told her if anything ever went down, I will let her protect us in the way that she sees fit.

If you just go out and get it you will be in the doghouse for a little bit. I was. But eventually my wife came around. Even took her out shooting. Now she lets me get any firearm I want as long as we can afford it. I showed her I am responsible with firearms and that went a long way. Just had to get through the first gun.

 

[davel686]

that sounds just like what happed with my wife and I when i started carrying some 29 years ago.
for the longest time she was ok with the gun in the house but not out in public.
then things started to get more out of control out in public and we have had a long list of shootings over the years from south Seattle to Bellingham and one day out of the blue when were headed out the door about 15 years ago to go to dinner she asked me if I remembered to pack my gun.
seems she had finally been listening to what I was saying and was seeing to many reports on the news about people being shot for no reason in all kinds of places and she realized that we had to protect our selfs.
since then I have had to maybe do the man of the house thing 4 or 5 times when things seem peaceful for a while and she starts to let her guard down.
she finally realized that things aren't going to get any better with in our life time and its better to be careful then not.
just show her some of these responses and go on some of the web sites that actually track crimes that are stopped by having a gun that the media and Dem's don't what the average American to know and let her see the facts for her self.

I told my wife:

"If you want to discuss firearms, get your facts and sources in order and we'll discuss it. I'm carrying, and that's all there is to it. "

And that's all there was to it. I rarely use the "Man of the House" card on her, and I usually pay for it when I do. That's fine, though, because it really makes me think about what I'm doing before I choose that course of action. Partnership in a marriage is a good benchmark, but sooner or later there will be circumstances where you have to make the decision you know is right, in spite of your wife's ~feelings~.

Did I have to put up with resentment for weeks afterward? Yes, of course. But after hardly a year (of seeing me treating the gun like a serious instrument instead of a toy) we were making plans to go into downtown Seattle for a nice dinner. We would be walking for a few blocks and it would be dark outside on the way there and back so she was a little worried.

She asked: "Will you have your gun?"

My jaw almost hit the floor. I didn't know whether to be mad at her for this blatant hypocrisy or kiss her for finally coming to her senses.
So I just said, very calmly "Yes."

Your wife doesn't want you to be a domineering tyrant, but she does want you to be a man with a spine. And, believe it or not, she considers that to include standing up to her.

 

[fingolfen]

Sounds like an interpersonal issue between him and his wife.

My advice - carry... I can't take care of my family if I'm dead.

 

[Spad]

Stay out of it, he will have to solve his own problems. I take it he is a grown up man. You have enough problems of your own to deal with.

 

[tac]

I like to think that the handgun is a far better equaliser than a cell-phone.

tac, who would carry if he could.