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Anybody else's wife all freaked out???

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Cheesemaker, Dec 24, 2012.

  1. Cheesemaker

    Cheesemaker Tillamook Active Member

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    So, with all the media pumping up the shootings lately, my wife is all freaked out. I try talking her when she wants to talk about it, but the problem is she already has her mind all made up. She's never had a issue with guns, until now!! She owns a .38 special, and a Marlin .32 special. We used to shoot alot before we had kids. But the clincher is she works in the school district, and we have three kids that visit the movie theater in town here, where they found the gun. So, she is all freaked out, and I can't even talk to her about it. And she feels that I'm taking the shooters side. I try telling her that I understand both sides of the situation. I don't want to live in fear, and I don't want to have to feel that everybody is out to get me. Like my stepdad!! :nuts: But at the same time, I want to carry at times, not all the time, just once in a while. Like when I got to Portland!!

    Anybody else in this same issue?
     
  2. nwwoodsman

    nwwoodsman Vernonia Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter 2015 Volunteer

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    As the man of the house it's your job to set the rules and your obligation to protect your family. Enough said.
     
  3. westcoastal

    westcoastal north coast of oregon Active Member

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    What he said
     
  4. orygun

    orygun West Linn Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    Nope. After this crap went down my wife makes sure she doesn't leave the house without one of her guns, even if I'm going along (I always carry). Before she might take her gun, or she might not.

    But I have several classmates from high school that are teachers. They are on edge and are not liking the idea of having guns on the school grounds. I'd rather have "good" guns there than only "bad" ones, but they don't seem to get it. It's possible that she (your wife) is kinda brainwashed by all of the other teachers she works with.
     
  5. Trailboss

    Trailboss Vancouver, WA Well-Known Member

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    CM, there are some things in life that we as human beings are not designed to experience. The slaughter of children is one of those things. When an unthinkable horror happens, people take longer to go through the grieving process. The steps might look something like this:

    1. Denial: I just can't believe this has happened.
    2. Anger: I am angry at the guns, angry at shooters, angry at the police, angry at the counselors who didn't help this guy...
    3. Bargining: I'm not going to let my children out of the house anymore. I'm not going out without a gun ever again. I won't trust anyone any more.
    4. Depression: I need to cry because life is so hard. I just want to sleep. I just want to eat.
    5. Acceptance: The world is dangerous at times and beautiful at times. I can't always be there to protect my children. I need to trust in something greater than myself.

    Until people have a chance to go through the five steps and reach Acceptance, they will continue to move between these steps. Give your wife some time to complete the process and be patient while she is going through it.

    tb
     
    novamind, rdt, Uberdillo and 9 others like this.
  6. novamind

    novamind Hillsboro Active Member

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    My better half and I both carry CHL. Things have changed sence recent events and I think we are somewhere between #4 and #5 of trailboss post at the moment. Our kids are older the oldest 23 is ready and wanting to carry, while the younger are14 and 15 years. Needless to say we are a family who is concerned about current events and gun friendly. In answer to this post no my better half is more aware and precautous as am I. We have each others backs and it fells good in these times of high strangeness. I must say it would be nice to have the old more carefree days back.
     
  7. Grunwald

    Grunwald Out of that nut job colony of Seattle, WA Well-Known Member

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    Clear example of logical vs hysterical.
     
    Nwcid and (deleted member) like this.
  8. mortar maggot

    mortar maggot western wa Active Member

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    She is getting ticked off at the media and the current mental health system for a lack of a better term.

    She also believes the NRA stance of bad people will do bad things, no matter the laws.

    Clackamas- crazy guy steals guns, kills 2, would have been more but good guy stopped it.
    CT- crazy guy kills mom, steals guns, kills 26
    NY- convicted felon murderer, kills 2 FF's, why was he out?
    Bellevue- convicted felon, under 21, in a bar kills again
     
  9. RVTECH

    RVTECH LaPine Well-Known Member

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    Your post is a little confusing but I understand what you are dealing with (having been previously married). As you said she never had an issue with guns - so has she changed her position? Is it now all about the guns with her and nothing else? Also what do you mean by
    What is the issue with your stepdad?
     
  10. rdt

    rdt SW Portland Active Member

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    My advice, in the interest of working it out.

    First step, and this will probably be the hardest part, is do whatever it takes to really leave your passion and beliefs on the door step for an hour or so. This has got to be genuine, through and through, cause she will sense it if its not and feel threatened and then step two wont work. Maybe youll have to take an hour yourself and like meditate or something.

    Step two, Ask her what she needs/wants. Ask from a place of love and deep caring, compassion for your partner in life who is going through some sh-t right now. Stay calm, dont bite the hook as they say. Shes expecting this do devolve into a fight so dont fulfill her expectations. Keep the conversation on her and her fears, comfort and support her. Dont let it get into higher level discussions of gun rights and dictatorship - cause thats not whats deeply troubling her. Let her know that youll defend her and the kids to the death - with your bare hands against a tank if thats what it takes, because you care about her more than guns. Though it may not make sense to you, my guess is she is scared and feeling alone and is desperately grasping for a feeling of safety.

    My guess is that if you let her talk through her solutions to the problem without interrupting her or giving her a vibe that puts her on the defensive she will be able to play it out with you and begin to acknowledge that gun control might be ineffectual. It will be temping for you to point this out but DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES POINT IT OUT. Youll be back a square one. If she feels safe and protected by you in the moment, she may be able to let go from the anger/bargaining phase, acknowledge that things are bad and probably unfixable, and move into the depression phase. You are going to have to get to a spot where she and you are solid and going to confront this together, united. In this conversation Dont you dare be the one to suggest that gun control isnt the answer. Shes got to get there herself. Youve got to leave any hurt and righteousness at the door or else she ll sense it and be thinking of you as a threat.

    Im definitely NOT saying you should abandon guns or your convictions, but you need to do whatever you need to do to show her that your priorities are straight. Family is most important, even more than guns. Then you can talk about how it felt to be lumped in with shooters by the very person you are most loyal and protective of. Then you two together can decide that guns are a tool that helps keep your family number one.

    I would not bring up the Constitutional obligation for all citizens to own and be trained in the use of military arms. At least for a year or so.

    I know several pro-gun teachers who are struggling with all this. They arent turning away from guns but they are in shock and every day at work they are visualizing all the children they care for and love being murdered, looking over their shoulder at the door. Traumatized. The burden must be awful.

    Good luck, YMMV
     
  11. Redcap

    Redcap Lewis County, WA Well-Known Member

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    Time to start shopping for a new wife.
     
  12. nwdrifter

    nwdrifter troutdale oregon Active Member

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    Christmas dinner today was my last straw with my liberal mom that thinks scary guns should be banned but pistols are ok. Where talking Social security owes me, so does pers, if the county collapses after i'm dead so what i wont be there, The stock market always goes up, preppers are crazy, she has a bad back cant stand for 5 minutes no way she can garden,cook, walk the dog etc, just the loud drive everyone in the house crazy type. Actually she didnt even get her only grand kids my 25 and 15 year old kids a gift this year. That's a first.. We are not talking bad people just total loud opinionated liberals.

    My wifes parents are good people didnt vote Obama, but her dad is a screw the system social security disability trying to sue the vet for 80 different things he doesnt have for 2.5 million, lives in a old double wide, wastes the little money he has at the casino and keeps hinting that they will move in with me in time, no matter how many times i say that will never happen you better plan ahead and save up.

    After they all left i told my wife of 22 years that is pro 2nd amendment if SHTF my mom and here hubby were no longer welcome in my plans, but , her parents for now still are. My wifes knows i meant it. I would turn my mom away at the door. Yes she is my mom but refuses to take care of her self and will be nothing more then a loud annoying opinionated mooch of food and resources. That she said i shouldnt have.. My wife says what if i changed my views and didnt want to be around guns any more. I told her "sorry I can trade guns and i can trade wives. I would give her up and replace her before i sold or gave up the guns" and she knows i meant it. Didn't make her happy but then again i dont sugar coat things. I could never be happy living like that so i would be gone without a second thought.

    But hey that's just me. .
     
  13. Cheesemaker

    Cheesemaker Tillamook Active Member

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    Thanks for all the replies. We are both equals in our marriage. She was partially raised by her Aunt, who was a Jehovah's Witness, so somethings like the fact that as the wife, you MUST obey your husband no matter what he says or does, just doesn't set well with her. And I love the fact that we have very smart and intelligent conversations. Like I said earlier, she hasn't had an issue with guns, until now. With working in the schools, you get very attached to the kids, and would do anything for them. The shooting in the mall. And also the fact that we had our local idiot drop his gun in the movie theater, really put her over the top. This is the same theater we take our kids too!! Because, now something happened really close to home. Add in the fact that you can't read, listen, or watch anything anymore without shootings, and assault weapons being shoved into your face. It can be very overwhelming. Especially, with the media pumping the hell out of it in your face. And I'm gone most of the day at work, so she and the kids are home most of the day without me.

    I've kinda just sidestep things, and if I do bring up stuff involving firearms, it's small and light. I got to let her deal with it, and be there for her when I can. I've been telling her I need a shotgun, and I've named it when I do get it. It's gonna be called the "Boyfriend greeter." And she laughs at that, cause our daughter is 9 and already boy crazy.

    Women are just freaking nuts.
     
  14. ATCclears

    ATCclears Seattle area, WA Well-Known Member

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    Question. How much of her thinking might be influenced by coworkers? Do her coworkers know that you both have guns?

    Peter
     
  15. Burt Gummer

    Burt Gummer Portland Completely Out of Ammo

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    I would say that this quote applies to what is happening with the price of certain items and the fact that a ban or worse is on the horizon, as are more incidents. Friends, wives, etc - most are entering the second stage right now.


    "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

    Arthur Schopenhauer
    German philosopher (1788 - 1860)


    For pricing, when people saw Pmags for $35 they were laughing and carrying on about how stupid or greedy a seller would be to ask that, etc.

    Now that they are selling for $75+ on Gunbroker (in less than two weeks from Stage 1) and other venues, people are angry, frustrated and even 'violently opposed' to what they are seeing.

    In six months when the ban nonsense is upon us (most like pre-written before the child slayings) or even worse gun control and it sinks in that high prices and restrictions won't be going away for a LONG time, these facts will be self-evident.
     
  16. Cheesemaker

    Cheesemaker Tillamook Active Member

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    I think that she will get over it. It's just that things are striking too close to home. Things haven't been in your face on tv and internet lately, so I think with all the crap being blasted in your face got to her. Which is what the media wants. And she fed right into it. Guys think in a logical, black and white world. Women think in an emotional world. And who is most the crap aimed at? Women.

    She's getting better and more relaxed right now. I was just curious if I had the only woman that felt this way.


    As for my step dad, he has always been one of those guys that felt everybody is a puke, and is out to get you. He used to have at least one loaded weapon in every room of his house. You would be sitting on the couch, and you could feel the pistol under the cushion you were sitting on. And there is ADT on the house, security sensors in the driveway, and when you went somewhere with him, and he had to get out of the rig, he would lock you in the vehicle and set the alarm. So, you couldn't move while he was gone, or the alarm would go off. But when we started having grand kids, we told him that he had to keep the guns out of their reach. He's gotten better, and doesn't keep loaded weapons everywhere hidden in the house anymore.
     
  17. Redcap

    Redcap Lewis County, WA Well-Known Member

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    :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
     
  18. Modeler

    Modeler Molalla, Oregon Soccer Fan

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    My wife is wonderful. She is a Paramedic in Portland (like me), she sees the world as I do.

    There are bad people out there who wish to do random people harm for no good reason. Always has been, always will be. The only way to stop their evil acts and preserve the innocent is with overwhelming force.

    She has no qualms about using that force, and (like me) does so on a regular basis.
     
  19. Trlsmn

    Trlsmn In Utero (Portland) Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to bucolic 1950's. A relationship is a partnership not a dictatorship.

    That much is true...

    Also remember that women are not men so we/they think different, be patient and work slowly at showing reasons why this is really just politicians grandstanding on emotion and not the real will of the people.
     
  20. nwwoodsman

    nwwoodsman Vernonia Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter 2015 Volunteer

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    Exactly why it is the mans job to have the ultimate say. Typically a woman's reactions are based on emotions where as a man's actions are bast on fact and reason.