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Any SAHD's on the forum?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by AudibleEnforcer, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. AudibleEnforcer

    AudibleEnforcer Alabama Active Member

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    While I leave the future entirely in Lord's hands, it would appear that I will be a stay at home dad for the foreseeable future. This has proven to be a bit of a blow to the ego, as I have been employed non-stop since I was 14. (12 if you count mowing lawns)

    Sooo, I'm heading back to school online, going to do some free-lance webdesign and other side-ventures to bring in some sort of income as my wife starts her career in cosmetology.

    So if there's any other SAHD's out there, what do you guys do to cope with the inherent emasculating feeling? Also, what do you try to do for fun? Since we bought our house 5 years ago, I've been so consumed with work, that the physical list of things to be done is enormous, so I don't need help 'passing the time'. Between school, business opportunities, and watching my 3 kids, I got the responsibility side of things handled. And I'm not anticipating having oodles of time on my hands. I know at some point, though, I will need a break from the daily to-do-list I give myself and need low-cost or free ideas to mix things up in the fun department. Just curious if there's any activities or past-times that help ya'll get through a day.

    Keep it light, I've already been in (and now thankfully out of) the depths of emotional, mental and spiritual hell, so save your condemnation for another day...I'm my own worst enemy in that regard. After all, a regional gun forum probably isn't the best place to go around making enemies, now is it? :) j/k.
     
  2. samuelm16

    samuelm16 se pdx Well-Known Member

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    i like to build fishing rods its cheap to get into you dont have to leave the house and its a lot of fun, you could also set up a gym in the garage that can blow off steam pretty quick
     
  3. VW_Factor

    VW_Factor Woodburn Oregon Active Member

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    Whatever you do at this point.

    Do NOT play Skyrim. >.>
     
    Redcap and (deleted member) like this.
  4. PlayboyPenguin

    PlayboyPenguin Pacific Northwest Well-Known Member 2016 Volunteer

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    I think your whole question is flawed. What is emasculating about being a stay at home dad? Why would your masculinity be so fragile? I decided to be a stay at home dad a year and a half ago to adopt our two boys. I sold our business and never looked back. When they are a little older I will go back to work. I have usually worked for myself so I will probably start my own business of some sort again. Right now I am really resisting the urge to take gunsmithing courses since I love to refinish guns so much. It might be fun to start building them.
     
  5. MarkAd

    MarkAd Port Orchard Well-Known Member

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    I think a quite time for you and the lord would be a good ideal. maybe bible reading or a bit of quite thinking or paring out in the garge or, depending on the age of the kids a little walk to reflect and pray.

    Cost $0.00
    Benifit = Priceless
     
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  6. AudibleEnforcer

    AudibleEnforcer Alabama Active Member

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    Penguin, I think you might have misinterpreted a few parts of my post, which is only fair considering the written form can only convey so much. Vocal inflections, facial expressions cannot play a part in a digital domain. Not to mention the fact we don't know each other from Adam, as the saying goes. My masculinity is not fragile, but my perception of it could be, based on my upbringing. Now, I don't know about my question being 'flawed', but I do know that you and I obviously did not share the same upbringing. Believe me, a few days ago, before this was brought up as a possibility, I would have scoffed at the notion (however wrong that may have been) of being the caretaker of the home.

    Our society has built up this false notion that only the man is to be the primary breadwinner in a family. I believe this was based on any given time-period's definition of "provide". A couple of hundred years ago, "providing" meant the ability to hunt, putting food on the table and building a shelter for the family. Then it slowly became the ability to do those things not in the literal sense, but by earning a wage via a learned skill or trade that would accomplish those same basic needs. As the inventions allowing mass-communications came to be, such as Television and Radio, it was only further ingrained in us that 'daddy goes to work with his suit and briefcase, while mommy takes care of the kids and has dinner and a drink ready when he returns'. The notion of any other option was ruled out and considered nonsense. Now, 30-40 years ago, this almost HAD to be true, based on comparable wages of men vs. women. It was nearly impossible for a woman to earn as much income as a man at an identical job.

    As much as I am not a fan of the majority of the woman's lib movement, that's one area I am in approval of: equal pay for equal work. I am not, by definition a chauvinist, but I am not so ignorant as to believe men and women are equal in all areas of life. There are many things most women have ingrained in them that men do not, and vice versa. I do not claim that one sex is superior to the other in all areas; ie, that men are supreme and women are subject to them.

    Bottom line being, my feelings of emasculation have only to do with my particular upbringing and not the CURRENT view of society as a whole, nor any notion of an absolute "right and wrong".

    Savvy?

    No, I don't re-read my posts, and I choose to proof-read them only on the fly. So if they seem like a bunch of rambling nonsense, they most likely are. :)
     
  7. CJM

    CJM Skagit County WA Member

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    I became a SAHD because of a job loss almost 2 years ago, I work "almost" part time now, it is a shot to the ol' ego, but sometimes the lord has been required to give me a reality check. This has been one. I'm still looking for a job as we can't simply make it long term on my wife's income alone.

    Spending time with my kids has been awesome, and oddly enough, there is something deeply satisfying about being the only dude I know who can successfully french braid and put pig tails in a 5 year old and a 2 year olds hair.:bluelaugh:

    Going from breadwinner to unemployed was tough, still is, but I hold out hope that better things are in store for my family.

    Good luck to you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2011
  8. Asp

    Asp Oregon, the promise land. Active Member

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    None of that matters, what matters is how you feel about it.

    First, I don't really know how this really makes you feel other than a few words. I am not sure if feeling emasculated makes you feel suicidal, worthless, depressed, etc. Unless you say those things I don't know. I'll assume whatever I say will be taken as a casual observation, and not that of a stranger who is out to get you (which I am not). All of my opinions are just that, whether or not I subscribe to them myself is another issue.

    If you cannot handle being a SAHD to the point where it could compromise your identity, do not be a SAHD and consider putting the kid into daycare. If you can't do that, is abortion an option? What about a divorce and remarrying? You spent a good paragraph talking about society and its expectations, if you want society to dictate how you should feel and act, why are you asking questions like this?

    You may not like my questions, but maybe the question you haven't asked yourself is "Who are you?" Do you feel emasculated because you lose identity? If so, ask your friends, people whom you've had extreme good times and bad times with, what they think of you. If your friends are just people you share a hobby with, they might not really be able to give you good feedback. Otherwise this usually is a good way to identify who you are, but in the end only you get to dictate that.

    You have to accept that right now, if you continue to be a SAHD you may have to draw on your history as an example. That example might include your mom and what she did around the house. If your relationship with her is rocky, then of course it will be hard to actually put her experience into practice.

    BTW, Congratulations to the upcoming or existing member of your family! :D