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An open letter to the Jackwagon who stole my pistol last night.

Discussion in 'Legal & Political Archive' started by SCTSQRL, Jul 20, 2010.


    SCTSQRL Phil Knight Land Member

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    Dear Sir/Sirs/Madam,

    I sincerely wish that I could say that I hope this letter finds you well. However, that would be a wholly inadequate expression of my sentiments towards your person(s) at this time. At some point last night, you broke into my tidy, if rather beleaguered, car; you tossed it to the point of untidiness and with - I must admit - some semblance of methodism if not professionalism, and I find I am tempted to complement you on your Slim-Jim™ usage, which was the cleanest I have ever seen. However, you procured numerous trivial items, along with a handgun that belonged to me.

    While I could point out several issues of contention I may have with such behavior, I am intelligent enough an individual to realize that such proclamations would serve neither yourself nor me any good at the day's end. Instead, there are a few things I would like to thank you for - I do hope that while/if reading my thanks, you keep in mind that 'thank' in this instance is a word interchangeable with another which begins with an F and rhymes with our local university's mascot.

    First, and foremost, thank you for reminding every gun owner in Oregon and the world that the one time you are complacent about security is the one time that your security will be breached, a basic component of Murphy's law. I am forced to admit to myself, as one who has always considered themselves a safe and responsible gun owner, that I was neither of those things. It is profoundly humbling, and a valuable lesson.

    Second, thank you for reminding me that no garage, no amount of interior lighting, posted security patrols and video surveillance is a substitute for physical exertion, and again, complacency - just because I was tired from the drive back from Wyoming I had just made and had already made the trip up the numerous floors to my domicile does not excuse my lack of the fourth and final trip - no matter how I may have rationalized it at the time.

    Third, thank you for showing me the value of straight, rather than T shaped, locks. I have never felt a three digit expense feel so inexpensive as I did today when I took care of that.

    In addition, I must, thank you for removing all of my receipts and my cigarette carton from the door panel cargo area. I am sure you got a kick out of my pathetic account balances, but more importantly you took a step towards fighting cancer by reminding me in my review of said to realize how much I was spending on cigarettes and coffee rather than a solid lock system and a loud car alarm. You may be assured that I learned well from this lesson.

    Finally, thank you for for leaving my calculator alone after pawing it. I hope that between the usage you appear to have gotten out of it, and the borders gift card that you procured from my glove box, that your educational life will be enriched 10{squared}(7•π/.5)to-the-eighth-power fold. Or whatever.

    Because of my enriched level of self actualization via your rather repugnant and lazy occupational predilictions, I would extend the offer to you to return those things which you procured from my automobile no-questions-asked, for a limited time.

    Knowing, however, that this is futile - I would instead point you towards Torah, the delicious history and law of my people. It is written in halachic (law) that there are seven forms of geneiva - that is, theft. The most grievous are the theft of life, the theft of mind, and the theft of property. It strikes me that you have potentially, by your choice of procurements, committed all three. I encourage you to study Torah to learn the good and natural punishments that come naturally with all of the above.



    Yes, I made some stupid mistakes this last evening - which negligence lead to a handgun being stolen from my vehicle along with some other things. The crime was committed here in Eugene, in an ostensibly secured-access garage. There is some confusion about SN issues, because Mazama apparently has changed hands since the time I made the transfer of the weapon there. The firearm in question was a star firestar m45, Starvel finished, with all OEM parts. Please be on the lookout for this gun - I will update this thread with a solid SN when the ATF gets back to me or I know a little more. Relevant pictures showing the weapon and some of it's distinguishing features are in the classifieds section.

    If there is an FFL here who could PM me who has tracked down obscure date before, or anyone who knows star pistols or interarms imports well, I would appreciate it.

    Lessons learned:
    • Take your crap out of your car - not just most of it, all of it.
    • It's been said before, but sense of security is no excuse for complacency.
    • While some may debate the effectiveness of car alarms, it would have made a difference in this situation for reasons I will not disclose due to PERSEC. This fact has been noted.
    • Write down your SNs and keep them where you KNOW they are. If you always always always do, but for some reason choose not to label some of them, like I may have done here, get head examined for both idiocy and headache. Both are likely.

    "If a thief goes into a tunnel, but does not leave the tunnel, he has no blood rights."

    Unless the jellybean who did this does something REALLY stupid, which I pray he does not, I wish him two long and wonderful rides in the near future. One involves a TASER, the other a Crown Victoria.

    Any advice on the matter from other victims of firearms theft/mysterious boating accidents/etc? I have conducted the LE end of things, which may be moving somewhere, but I have not even begun to think about the insurance end of the issue.


    SERIAL # is 2055407. If you see this gun, it is HOT. And not only that, it's stolen. Ahar har. Please be aware.
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2010
  2. MarkSBG

    MarkSBG Beaverton Oregon Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear of this. Hopefully, this will have a happy ending with a perp off the street and the return of your property. Thanks for the reminder to secure my belongings regardless of reasons not to.
  3. Redcap

    Redcap Lewis County, WA Well-Known Member

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    This is what happens when you leave things in a vehicle.


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    This is what happens when a scumbag is allowed to run wild all his life and sees no punishment for being a jackass . How typical that we tend to blame ourselves when some fatherless jerk commits a crime and steals our hard earned belongings ! When I grew up , I knew that there would be punishment for being a criminal . Society would shun me - not give me a big hug .
    A great big *** kicking would be the happiest ending I can think of for this sad tale . Therapy for the victim , and educational for the cretin . I hope the baggy of dope was enjoyable for this jerk , it was paid for by the frustration , anger , and outrage that we all feel when a loser like this feels free to remove our belongings from our control and treat all honest people like crap . Someday pal, someday you will pull this crap on the wrong guy , at the wrong time and if there is any justice in the world , you will get to pay your debt in full .

    SCTSQRL Phil Knight Land Member

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    Mark - I am optimistic at this point.

    Redcap - Very true, and a lesson that cannot be driven home enough.

    Glockenmeister - I agree. Makes me want to move to Brownsville or something. Further APB on your end of town: if you see a dude with a black internal frame Camp Trails blackjack, with very mild yellow trim - that's probably the dude. That's my bag, my camp stove, and most probably my gun. If he looks at you or any other Eugene/Springfield member funny - there is a reward.

    More seriously, a quick update - the SN is confirmed as 2055406.

    I'm going to go to all the shops in Eugene tomorrow with fliers on it, and would appreciate if others would help get the word to stores if they happen to be in one, up the valley. We get way too many vagrant asshats in this town who float between here, Salem, and Portland.

    Please keep an eye out.
  6. Autonomous

    Autonomous Olympia WA Member

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    Yea for sure....
    But is seems like the OP knows this and is posting a kinda reminder to the rest of us...it takes a big person to cowboy up and admit there mistakes (even on a semi anonymous interweb forum).

    Sorry to hear about your pistol. Good on ya for reporting it and hopefully you will get it back. Your post is a good read and a reminder to all of us to not become complacent. Sounds like you know what you did that could have prevented this and that you wont make that same mistake twice. Good luck in tracking down the SN information you are looking for. Thanks for the reminder to record the SN's and store them in a safe place.
    Good luck on the search.
  7. sbryson21

    sbryson21 Nampa, ID Member

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    Could not freakin agree with you more. I hope this guy gets what's coming to him 10x fold. :angry:
  8. marty8587

    marty8587 NE Portland Active Member

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    Gotta go now, got numbers to log.
  9. FrontierFritz

    FrontierFritz West foothills of the Cascade Mountains Member

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    Sorry this happened to you.
    I really appreciate you for sharing your misfortune as it is a warning to the rest of us that this can happen at anytime to anyone if we fail to take ALL necessary precautions.
  10. Brandon44647

    Brandon44647 Portland Member

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    SCTSQRL I am very sorry for your loss & hope your items are found and returned to you, I personally LEAVE NOTHING in my vehicle EVER. It's such a shame in this day and age, in this society, you really can't trust people to respect your own personal property......
  11. BrentN

    BrentN Kelso Well-Known Member

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    Yes, log SN's. I also keep a cd with pics, sn's, and any unique marks or mods. I keep a copy of this disc at a relative's home.

    Best of luck to the OP, keep us posted.
  12. Redcap

    Redcap Lewis County, WA Well-Known Member

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    Not meaning to be an a-hole, either. I learned the hard way too years ago. :(
  13. parallax

    parallax eugene, or-gun Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    If I spot your backpack on someones back... can i tackle them?.. please.please.please.:thankyou:
  14. soberups

    soberups Newberg Well-Known Member

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    Everybody gets what's coming to them...sooner or later.

    Unfortunately, we seldom if ever have the satisfaction of being there to watch when it happens.

    Karma is a big mean bi%tch. She is patient and sometimes she is slow but eventually she gets her way.
  15. Cougfan2

    Cougfan2 Hillsboro, OR Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for reminding us all to not slack off on our vigilance or security precautions.

    A neighbor came by my house yesterday afternoon right after I had come home from work to say her car was broken into the night before. Luckily her dog raised a ruckus and she actually saw the thief running away and called 911 immediately. The police had the guy within 10 minutes. That doesn't happen very often. You have to wonder how many times he got away with it before he was caught.
  16. Partsproduction

    Partsproduction Tillamook Oregon Active Member

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    An open letter to people who are probably too stupid to read?
  17. rusobr2

    rusobr2 prineville,or Bronze Supporter Bronze Supporter

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    good call --soberups--i'v felt the same way for yrs. ! karma seems to be hanging onto your pant leg like a rabid dog,and when you let your guard down for that split second-------gotcha !
    i just hope nothing bad comes of it sctsqrl ,and it gets returned--problem is your thief is a little stupid ! nobody today wants to be caught up with a handgun they can't account for, and considering what happened,i can only imagine he or she has already estblished some sort of a record .
    good luck with it all ,