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A 20 yr old man from Eugene, OR by the name of Ashton Isaiah Johnson, fired six shots from a handgun at his girlfriend, outside the Valley River Center Shopping Mall yesterday afternoon. A witness called police, as the woman ran inside the shopping mall, pursued by her boyfriend.

Eugene police arrested Johnson inside the mall. He was found to be in the possession of two handguns. Here is his booking photo:

shooter1.jpg

He now resides inside the Lane County Jail, and is facing several felony charges:

Eugene man, 20, arrested at Valley River Center after allegedly firing gun in dispute with woman
 
He's an azzbyte!!! Attempted murder... should stay locked up for 50yrs as a danger to the community. But hey, everybody makes mistakes and he was just getting back to school, off crack, and getting his life together.
 
okokok, guys, I used some anti-gun-political-science math and CSI logic and got this case all figured out

I looked up the mall and the river he was shooting from on google maps. velocity of a 9mm bullet is 850 mph and the earth is spinning in the *opposite* direction based on the location of the mall. At the malls latitude the earth is spinning at 770mph. So that makes the velocity of the bullets only 80 MPH.

I know what you are thinking, the mall is at a 45 degree angle to the river, so it does not exactly cancel out if he was pointing directly at the mall. I accounted for that angle using trigonometry so the max speed of the bullet is 110 MPH.

This is just over the speed of a fastball in baseball. The trajectory curve of a fastball will make it hit the ground at not more than 60 feet.

The river is well over 60 feet from the mall so NO ONE IN THE MALL WAS AT RISK AT ALL.

Even if he was close enough to hit someone they could have caught the bullets just like a catcher.

Case solved.
 
okokok, guys, I used some anti-gun-political-science math and CSI logic and got this case all figured out

I looked up the mall and the river he was shooting from on google maps. velocity of a 9mm bullet is 850 mph and the earth is spinning in the *opposite* direction based on the location of the mall. At the malls latitude the earth is spinning at 770mph. So that makes the velocity of the bullets only 80 MPH.

I know what you are thinking, the mall is at a 45 degree angle to the river, so it does not exactly cancel out if he was pointing directly at the mall. I accounted for that angle using trigonometry so the max speed of the bullet is 110 MPH.

This is just over the speed of a fastball in baseball. The trajectory curve of a fastball will make it hit the ground at not more than 60 feet.

The river is well over 60 feet from the mall so NO ONE IN THE MALL WAS AT RISK AT ALL.

Even if he was close enough to hit someone they could have caught the bullets just like a catcher.

Case solved.

Well done. But I have to ask, did you account for the inverted gravitational variables based on the shooter's and the potential victim's political affiliations?
 
Well done. But I have to ask, did you account for the inverted gravitational variables based on the shooter's and the potential victim's political affiliations?

Yes, I assumed that he was a cis republican, used proper "him and her" pronouns within the last 24 hours, and wore a red hat of any type for my calculations. I have a five-sigma effect (99.99994% confidence) in my calculations.
 
What is wrong with these kids, getting so serious at the age of 20? When I was 20 I wanted to drink whiskey, smoke cigarettes, and stick as many women as I could.
 

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