Shotguns are less expensive than pistols, easier to aim because of their long sight radius, and much, much more lethal. Pistols are for concealed carry IMO; they're not ideal for home defense.
The 12 ga. is so universal a platform, and as others have pointed out they're not that bad to shoot, especially with the right low-recoil ammo. I bet you both will do fine, especially if you put one of these on it: Amazon.com: Knoxx SpecOps Stock™ Black: Sports & Outdoors
But don't even consider buying a firearm for self defense unless and until you've decided that you'd rather KILL than DIE. In the gravest extreme, you'll likely have only one chance to act with no room for hesitation.
i myself pack a few different type pistols a kahr p380 a kahr pm40 and a glock 23 with lazermax at night i put a TLR-1 light to it the problem for home defence for my wife is that she is nt strong enough to pull the slide back on any of these with dependability she has weak wrist when i came accross a colt diamondback 38 snub she fell in love with is real smooth action six shooter . i got some buffalo bore 158 gr. +p lead hollowpoint wadcutter loads . the old FBI load . for her it works 6 times all she has to do is pull the trigger ther is other guns around the house but she likes this one so i cant sell it
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